Hush《D.H.+P.L.》

The Lies and Affectations

Phil was what one would probably call a mess for the next few days. He was at school for part of one day, but he couldn't stay. He felt way too anxious any time he saw Dan.

Phil knew he had texts from Dan. He didn't want to check them. Dan had called him, but Phil continued to ignore him. When it came to not dealing with his problems and avoiding them, Phil was number one.

Phil added a few marks to his wrist over this time. The only difference between this time and the time he freaked out was how alone he felt. The first time he realized he wasn't alone. But since Phil had been pushing everyone away lately, he felt lonlier than ever.

Phil rolled down his sleeve, putting the blade back in it's hiding spot. He had homework but no motivation to do it. Usually he'd watch YouTube or Netflix to feel better, but he tried that and felt nothing. He didn't feel sad anymore, just empty. Hollow and numb.

He felt dead. Physically he was okay, mentally he was dead. This was the worst Phil had ever gotten, and he knew it. It was his fault, anyway. He let himself trust Dan, let himself fall in love. He knew he shouldn't have, yet he did. He thought Dan was different. He thought Dan would be the one to fix him and help him get better.

He had for a while. For a while, Phil ate proper amounts. He stayed hydrated, and he felt happier than he ever had. He didn't realize what was under the rug until it was pulled out from under his feet. It was only then did he see the abyss below. With every moment that passed, Phil fell deeper and deeper. If no one interfered, Phil would hit rock bottom. The fall was so deep he wasn't sure is he could survive it.

There was a knock on Phil's door. He hoped and prayed it wasn't Dan. As he walked to open the door, he heard voices.

"You can't be here. Phil doesn't want to see you." He heard Mia's voice say bitterly.

"You don't know that! Why wouldn't he want to see me?" Replied Dan's voice innocently. Phil pressed his ear against the door, just listening.

"Because you're an asshole!" Mia raised her voice.

"I just want to make sure he's okay!" Dan replied. He sounded genuine. He's probably pretending to be genuine because he wants to see the hurt look on your stupid face when he officially breaks up with you, Phil bitterly thought. He felt tears in his eyes and shut them tightly, trying to focus on the conversation.

"He's not, and it's all your fault!"

"What do you mean?"

"Where were to eight days ago?"

"Eight days ago? Last Monday?" Dan thought about it. "Oh...Oh," Dan must've realized what he meant. "You mean when Charlie came over."

"Yeah, I mean when Charlie came over! Chris tried to stop him from seeing it but he really wanted to see you, Dan! Everything's going horrible for him! He's a wreck because he thinks he lost you to some guy he doesn't know."

"Look, th-that was a mistake. I love Charlie a lot, Mia." Dan paused for a moment, and Phil decided he had enough. Teary eyed, Phil moved away from the door, running to the bathroom and locking himself in. He broke down sobbing. He just fucking confessed that he loved Charlie, but he still knocked on the door.

Phil had to just accept it. He couldn't break up with Dan over text. He wasn't sure how much Dan respected him, but he respected Dan enough to break up with him a different way. Phil went to his room and grabbed a pen and paper.

Dan,
I'm sorry. I wish I could've been enough for you. If you're happy with Charlie, I'll be happy for you two. If you only said you loved me because you felt bad, that's fine. I won't hold it against you. I'm sorry if you felt like you had to date me. I won't put anyone through that again.
With love,
Phil x