I felt a wave of nausea coming over me so I got up unsteadily and went into the bathroom.
I sat on the counter with my back to the mirror because I didn't want to look at myself.
All of this is my fault. I love Drew but I can't be with someone that is never around.
Someone knocked on the bedroom door but I slammed the bathroom door shut and turned on the sink to block out the noise.
The faint knocking sound could still be heard but I rocked back and forth on the counter and started crying again.
I ate all of this. I just wish everyone would leave me alone.
My wedding ring was still on my finger so I took it off, opened the bathroom door and threw it across the room, not caring where it landed.
The knocking stopped and I heard muffled talking.
"Alex?" my mom asked on the other side of the door.
I ignored her and ran to the bathroom. I puked and sank against the floor.
My bedroom door opened and my mom was standing in the door with Beth.
I closed my eyes and ignored them.
"Alex, can I talk to you?" Beth asked quietly. She was a nice woman and she was always kind.
I sniffled and kept my eyes closed.
She said something to my mom, who walked downstairs. Beth came in the bathroom and sat on the edge of the bathtub.
We were quiet and then the sat down on the floor beside me.
"Alex?" she whispered. "Are you alright?"
I shook my head.
She smoothed my messy hair from the side of my face. "What happened?"
I shrugged and started crying again. "He was always gone."
She didn't say anything.
"I just wanted to be a normal person my whole life and with Drew I was." I started sobbing. "When he was home anyway."
"He was trying, you know." she said quietly. "He wanted to be with you just as bad."
I shook my head and sat up to face her. "The last time he said he was leaving, our dad's didn't tell him he had to." I wiped my face on a towel.
"I know." she said.
I looked at her. "Why was he leaving?"
"He had to take care of some things and then he could stay with you and didn't have to leave again. For anything." she smiled softly. "He was doing it for you."
"Doing what?" I asked.
She shook her head and stood up. She bent down and kissed my cheek. "Let him tell you, sweetheart." before she walked out of the door. "He is still at home." she walked away and I put my head down and cried.
This is horrible. Why will no one tell me what is going on?
I crawled in the bathtub and pulled the curtain closed. I was shivering in the empty bathtub and trying not to puke.
I could go talk to Drew but what would I say?
My mom opened the curtain and saw me. I ignored her and she disappeared from my view for a second but then came back with a blanket and a pillow. She draped the blanket over me and lifted me so she could slide the pillow under my head.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds for blowing it out.
"Are you hungry?" she asked in a soft voice.
"Kind of." I opened my eyes and looked at her. "I'm sorry about the kitchen.
She shook her head and smiled. "It's okay. It's being cleaned up now but I was going into town to get a few things and I wanted to check on you."
I nodded. "What were you going to get?"
"Plates, bowls, silverware..." she trailed off and smiled at me. "All that kind of stuff."
I grimaced. "Sorry."
"It isn't your fault, you just got angry." she braided the ends of my hair. "Your father left for a couple of hours, I'm glad you stuck up for yourself. I'm really, really glad."
I nodded and burrowed deeper into the blanket. "Do you think, I made the right choice about Drew?"
She shook her head. "No, I don't. But it only matters what you think and I'll always be there for you, no matter what choice you make."
I yawned and sighed. "I'm going to move out."
She nodded. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Will you help me find an apartment and a new job?" I had to quit my other job as soon as my parents told me I was going to get married.
"Of course." she stood up and started to close the curtain but stopped herself. "I'm going to leave this open so you can yell if you need something when you wake up."
"Thanks." I yawned again.
"I'll be back in a minute with your food." she left the bathroom and my room.
I miss Drew. A lot.
I wanted to go see him but I couldn't bring myself to get up and go.
I sighed and tried my hardest not to cry again.
I fell asleep before my mom got back with food.
YOU ARE READING
