Jampacked!

Change 1

I have a huge problem with change. I'm terrified of change. I've went through one big change in my life, and that was a personality change. I went from a sensitive kiss ass, to an insensitive bad ass. Pssh ok whatever you say). But it always hurts to see people you love change. I have a friend, and she's not with me currently, so I can't constantly see her, but she's going through many changes. Changes in personality. Changes in preference. And I'm terrified of the day that she might change who she wants in her life. I've been replaced many times before. By people I was really close to, so I get pretty jealous and afraid when people I'm close to start to change. It makes me start to wonder if I need to change for them, if I plan on keeping them around. And that stresses me the fuck out. I mean I get everyone's different, but I wish everyone wouldn't change. Mostly cause I hate surprises. And I'm not ready to change yet. I've gotten to far into how I currently behave, that changing would be a nightmare. So now it's either, I change, or put up with the changes of those around me.

Physical changes are also a problem. Say you have a friend with long flowing locks, then suddenly, boom those locks are gone, cut off, and there's nothing you could've done about it, you're not there mom after all. All you can do is accept it, I mean it's not like it's that big a deal. And let's say you have another friend who has the prettiest black hair ever, very healthy, very beautiful, and then suddenly it's not black anymore, it's got blue, and green, and purple. And now you're just looking at it like, it's so pretty, but I miss your healthy beautiful black hair, but all you can do is support them, because you shouldn't crush them, because again, it's not like it's bad, it's just different. Now lastly let's say your best friend suddenly wants piercings, in all these weird places. What are you going to do, but accept what they want, because that's your job as a friend.

The worse part is that you can never change change. You can't stop it. It's something that happens regardless of whether or not you're ready, and sometimes you just have to miss the person they used to be, and accept the person they've become. That's all you can do.