Sadness. Anger. I use one to get rid of the other but in turn it makes me more of the other thing. If I'm sad and I use anger to get rid of it, I end up fucking up everything, and then I get sad cause I ruined everything. If I use sadness to get rid of my anger, then I get upset that I'm so sad, and that makes me angry.
It's a very fucked cycle I've put myself in. And it's that cycle that fucked everything up. I felt like my life was the titanic. It was luxurious and nice, and went very smoothly. Then BLAM! Iceberg. The Iceberg that probably could've been avoided but I wasn't paying enough attention to fucking do anything. And now I'm drowning, drowning in the ocean of despair because I fucked up.
I'm kinda in a spot of fucked up. More than half of my friends think I'm an unreasonable prick. And more then fucking half of my friends have different time zones, so that means I'm fucked in trying to reason with them.
And here I am seeming all sad and shit, when it's my fucking fault. Like it's all my fucking fault. And I could apologize until I fucking explode but that won't change what a piece of shit I am, or what I did. I'm over-dramatic, hot headed, immature, and fucking rude. And it took me far too long to realize that though I don't plan to change myself, it's not like people are going to accept me. So maybe I should just stop relying on others, and just realize fuckers like me don't get anything but disappointment cause that's all they're worth. And that's okay.
I'm like the ogre in the swamp, but instead of Fiona, I get shit. I'm the fucking dragon who's just waiting to get slain. I'm a stray fucking cat, that no one wants to take in because I'm far aggressive and needy to fucking handle. And that's okay. Because just because no one else wants me doesn't mean I hate me. I love me and that's all that matters, even if I am lonely.
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Jampacked!
HumorWhy write about one specific topic. That kinda thing gets tiredsome after a while. But with my lack of ambition, so will this.
