❏ the edge ❐ joshler // short story

seven // me

bright light flooded through his window, blinding him through his closed eyelids. he rolled onto his side, away from the brightness. realising he'd have to get up anyway, he sighed, hugging tyler to his chest. but his arms grabbed the space of nothingness. no one was there.

surprise overwhelmed him for a few seconds as his eyes sprang open, looking for the boy he loved. the boy he lost. a deep sadness took over his system as he started to process what had happened in his head.

he wanted to bawl his eyes out as he sat up, that little yellow post it note next to his bed haunting him. he brought his hands up to his face, dragging the skin down in an exasperated tradition. he wiped his eyes, standing up and off the bed, searching for his clothes.

when he'd collected his black jeans and grey jumper, he brushed his teeth and made his way downstairs. his mother was already up, the rest of his family in a deep slumber. he looked up to the clock. 6am.

"if you're up for the reason i think you are, thank you, but you didn't have to" he spoke, no emotion in his voice. he was dreading this day for the past few weeks, his depression suddenly at a climax. he walked over to his mother who stayed silent for a moment, kissing her cheek gently.

"you're welcome. just thought you'd want a nice breakfast to help you through today" she spoke quietly, her every word pleading for his son not to break out in sobs. thank fully he didn't, just muttered a little 'thanks' before walking away with the eggs she had just cooked.

her son walked towards their living room, so she followed behind, not making any noise. he sank down on the brown sofa, her doing the same on the one adjacent to him. no sound left her mouth as she watched him eat slowly, all expression seeming to be banned from showing.

she knew it was going to be a hard day for him, she just wanted to help as much as she could. "do you have anything to give...?" she whispered, walking towards her son and sitting next to him, noticing as he slipped away slightly. a deep sigh escaped her lips as he placed her hand on his knee, a gesture of empathy.

"yeah, s'upstairs" he spoke, his voices threatening to crack. there were only two days in the year that he would be like this to such an... extreme degree. he almost burst out crying at the thought, but he was in front if his mum, so he but his lip to prevent himself.

"come on, wanna get it done now rather than later, sweetheart" she cooed, kissing her sons forehead before standing up, holding his hand and pulling him up too. it was silent for a moment until they hugged, josh pulling her in tighter than ever. surprise took over her for a second before she reciprocated, hugging him back. she kissed his forehead, patting his back. "go now, don't delay" she whispered, her eyes watering. she loved the other boy as much as josh did, bless him.

"thank you, mum" he made his way out of the house, waving a shy farewell as he left, locking the door behind him. he already had his bag hung on his shoulder as he got into his car, sitting down then stopping. he didn't make any move. do i have to do this? he asked himself. he knew it would make him even more sad than before. so why?

out of his respect, and love for tyler. that's why. without any expression of emotion, josh turned the key into his car and started it, driving off towards his destination. 

to try and keep his mind distracted, he turned on the radio. he didn't recognise any of the songs playing, he literally only put on the radio four times a year now. this being the first. and, for a while, it did keep him distracted. it was only in the back of his mind that he realised what he wanted to do, so he didn't pay full attention.