32. Let her go

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Max

I pulled up in Tahny's driveway and hopped out the car. She really not about to have my kid around some stranger, alone, that I've never met before. I rung the door bell a few times and got no answer. I put my key in the door and unlocked it.

"Hello? NaTahny?!"

Not a sound. I walked deeper in the house and saw even more shit packed up than last time. I closed the door behind me and walked further inside.

"She's really moving huh?" I sat on the coach since it was the only thing not covered with boxes. I looked around the blank walls that used to have pictures of Javi and her family all over them.

What am I doing here?

I drove all the way over here thinking I was about to come through and pop off on Tahny. Knowing damn well I wasn't about to lay a finger on her. I love her to much to ever hurt her, so I don't even know why I let that come out my mouth earlier. I guess... I guess I was trynna stick my chest out since her this "boyfriend" of hers answered the phone.

That's crazy that she actually moved on though. We've talked about the "what if's" a lot in the past. Like what if I didn't marry Olivia and married her? Or how would we work things out if we kept sneaking around after I get married? But we talked about that months ago western Tahny and I were constantly seeing each other. After a while, our relationship seemed like more than just sex and I really started falling for her- well let me rephrase that.

I guess I was becoming more attached to her since she was so different than what I'm used to. My whole life I've been with Olivia. Hell! I didn't actually have a chance to even know I even liked woman- not that I'm attracted to men but you get what I'm trying to say... Before you get any ideas... What I'm trying to say is I didn't get to experience life before I was put in this, box. When I was five I already had the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with chosen for me. At fifteen I was engaged. And when I turned seventeen I was told I was going to take over one of our major family businesses at eighteen. My life was mapped out before I was born! So when I met Tahny she was like a breath of fresh air. She wasn't like any woman I've ever met before, so it was kind of impossible for me not to "fall" for her.

I was to cocky when I finally got her where I wanted her. I thought I had her wrapped around my finger. For a while I really thought I could make the whole "side family" thing work; even though it was becoming impossible to balance the two. Olivia was always wondering why I'm gone for a two or more days, and NaTahny always questioning why I haven't came to see our son. I don't know what I was thinking.

I realized I didn't have everything all figured out when I talked to Tahny the other day. I realized that I didn't have her eating out of the palm of my hand when she dropped the whole Washington bomb on me. If I truly had her like I thought she wouldn't be so quick to move. I can try to stop her all I want but at the end of the day she's right... She's gotta do what's right for our son. And keeping Javier in hiding isn't what's best for him.

I gotta face my reality.

I need to stop lying to myself and quit thinking I'm not hurting either one of these women by doing what I'm doing.

"The truth is... I'm marrying Olivia in a eight days and not Tahny. My son hardly recognizes me when I come through the door. I'm in love with Tahny and I hardly know who she is. I love Olivia. All Tahny and I do is have sex and fight. Sometimes I actually have a good time with Liv. I actually kind of excited to get married but I don't know if I can spend the rest of my life with her." I felt weight lift off my shoulders. It felt good to say all that out loud. 

I always keep stuff I'm wanting to say bottled up. Everything I'm going through in regard to NaTahny and Javier I keep to myself. I tell Daniel bits and pieces of what's going on but there's still a chance he could tell our dad. Sometimes I don't think I can trust my mom with half the stuff I tell her. My mom can come off sneaky sometimes and ever since I was a little kid I've noticed that.

Enough of that back to what I was saying. Olivia is not the sharpest knife in the drawer and she does dumb shit like spend twenty grand on napkin holders but... I do love her. And to be completely honest I've never actually gave myself the chance to fall in love with her. I've been in this "oh God why do I have to marry her" mindset for so long... I haven't opened my eyes to see her for what she really worth.

Maybe it is best for me let Tahny go.

I thought she was really sprung over me. See that was me being cocky, but I honestly thought that her and I could work, but it's obvious we can't.

I stood up from the couch and went upstairs to our old bedroom. I'm sure she's packed more of my shit up. I opened the room door and looked around. I used to get shit crackin in here. That's one thing I'll miss about Tahny, she used wear my ass out. There was one time she- nah let me not go there.

I stepped further inside and the first box that caught my attention was the giant moving box with my name in big bold letters. I picked it up and went back downstairs. I got a good look at the condo I once shared with her before turning the living room light off and leaving out of there.

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