Position as Big Bang's big hyung [~ Pt.Twelve~]

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by Galaxy_FanFan88

by Galaxy_FanFan88

I feel extremely lucky to be able to be with my strong willed and sincere Big Bang members. The hold my hand when I’m tired and give me the strength to develop and grow. Being the hyung, and to keep their confidence in me I must not show my suffering, this helps me become stronger.

As a hyung who wants to help his dongseng, even though I’m older in age, I want them to think “I can lean on TOP hyung”, and I will work hard to be like that. And so, I’m very happy to be the oldest in Big Bang.

I don’t know where to start, I feel awkward as to what to say. In the hot underground practice room, we sweat and laugh together, forgetting about time

and working hard. Sometimes it gets so tiring that you just want to run away, but thinking back to those times, it was the most beautiful flowered that blossomed from the memories of my youth.

I had nothing to give and was immature, but you all looked up to me as your hyung. The first time we had a press conference, the 5 of us wore white suits and posed for pictures. Facing comments such as “An ugly idol group, let’s see how well you’ll do” and “Let’s what you can be”, we shrugged off the burden and just tried our hardest. Because the 5 of us were very close, we made the impossible possible. To those who helped us, to our parents who were by our sides taking care of us, in order to repay them, shouldn’t we work hard and more than anyone be determined?

Even though I am the elder hyung, but you’re all my closest friends. Sometimes the 4 of you are like my hyung. Sometimes we have different personalities, but we’re like brothers now. Even our faces as though when we laugh or cry are starting to look more and more similar. If we continue working as hard as we are now, in 10, 20 year we’ll still be together. The group that will always be heard and in people’s hearts, that is Big Bang.

This was the contents of I letter that I wrote to Big Bang. As we were reading the letter, both fans and the members had tears in their eyes. With love as pure as a drop of tear, I want to become a hyung that the members can count on.

Although I want to play my role as a hyung well, but sometimes I become troubled and I get so sensitive that I won’t allow anyone to touch even a single of my hair. During those times I stay in my room and get lost in my own thoughts. Getting lost in my own world, without fail Yang Hyun Seok will always come find me. With a personality that worries over things that have not happened, it deeply affects my negative thinking. When this happens, President Yang will scold me so severely that tears fall. If I appear to seem like I’m falling into my own swamp, my manager and coordi nuna will constantly check on me and throw me a life jacket.

Using his nasally voice, President will say to me:

“TOP what are you doing now? Are you zoned out again?”

Then he’ll call me over to talk. Whenever he has a chance, President Yang will remind me of how much I am loved by others, and to look at how much I have. To me, President Yang is like an older brother and like a father. I think all the members of Big Bang feels this way.

There’s something that President often says to me:

“In this world, there are surprisingly many people who abuse themselves. They look down on themselves and cause themselves to lose sleep over this damaging thinking. These people are not capable of receiving love from others. With a determined way of thinking, get a good grasp of your own strengths and weaknesses and get in the habit of constantly complimenting yourself. This type of habit will help you learn to love yourself and to be proud of yourself. “

That’s right. Being modest and having low self esteem is two different things. Before entering YG, no one ever told me that I was capable of “growing bigger wings”. Everyone has a pair of wings that can fly them into the blinding sky, but just don’t forget that these invisible wings “move accordingly to your self-love”.

Seeing President Yang, I realized I have another dream. When I become older and more mature, I want to be a person that helps those that are troubled like I was. Though it’s a big dream, but I will make it come true.