The Choice Of The Heart

CHAPTER 15 - "The sun and the moon don't get along"

After Bellamy went away I couldn’t sleep. It was a strange feeling. I wanted to go back at the exact moment when he was standing at my doorway, but I also wanted to move forward to tomorrow. I didn’t even know if I would have another tomorrow. It was still dark outside, not a little spark of sunlight. So I went out of my room and started walking in the Tower. I went barefoot so I could feel every cold cobble of the corridors. I walked into the Throne room. Everything was empty and quiet but I distinguished a shadow on the balcony, Octavia. She turned when she heard my footsteps.

“Trouble sleeping?” she asked me sadly. I nodded and came facing the view of the asleep kingdom. I felt her kind look on me so I looked back at her smiling and she began:

“I’m sorry about my behavior earlier. It wasn’t fair to blame you for what happened to Bell.” She paused and then looked at me deeply. “You know Clarke I’m scared for Bell but I’m also worried for you. You’re still my friend and if you …” I took her in my arm and hugged her tight. 

“I love you Octavia. I’m glad I had the chance to see you again one last time” I said softly. She put her arms around my neck and said:

“I love you too … no matter what is going to happened today, I will always love you.”

I drew back slowly. Our eyes were shining. I took her hand and brought her in a corner of the corridor. We crouched and she smiled knowing what I was going to show her.
She put her hand on the wall and started removing the dust. Then some letters appeared. We both smiled. It was our names. We'd written it when we were ten. Seeing this now made me feel like it was the way my life was going to end: with a memory of how it began. We split up. I came back on the balcony while she was looking for Bellamy.

He was sitting on the stairs next to the holy square, looking at the place where all will end. Octavia came behind him and sat.

“If you’re thinking of running away, I’m going to kick your ass.” She said holding his arm, her head on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry I’m not going anywhere. I've learned my lesson.” He said without moving his eyes from the battlefield, then he looked at her and said sadly:
“I don’t know how to say goodbye …”

Octavia took him into her arms. For the first time she was the one who had to comfort him.

“You don’t have to.” She paused. “We don’t know what is going to happen, maybe you will …” Bellamy removed his head from Octavia’s chest.

“I won’t. I won’t hurt her. I can’t hurt her.” Bellamy said. Octavia drew a shy smile on her face and asked him:

“You love her, don’t you?”

“I do.” Bellamy answered softly.

“Then go see her. Talk to her.” She said standing up. She kissed Bellamy and went away. Without wasting another second he started climbing to my room.

I left the balcony a few minutes earlier and came back to my room. I took a sword and started making slow and soft moves. I don’t know who I wanted to fool because I knew I wouldn't be able to go into a real fight.

I was lost in my thoughts when I felt Bellamy’s arms wrapping around my waist. My heart immediately grown heavy. He was just behind me so I put my head against his chest to feel his body against mine. I slowly closed my eyes and all the senses came back to me. The taste of his lips, the smell of his hair and the way my skin was burning every time his hands touched me.

“You can’t come here whenever you want.” I whispered to him smiling. He removed his hands from me so I turned and faced him. He was looking at me with his beautiful dark eyes in a way that made me feel so vulnerable. He took something from his pocket and showed it to me. It was a beautiful silver necklace with a moon pendant.  He opened it and asked me:

“May I?” I nodded so he came closer to put the necklace up. His mouth was so close to my face … I needed to think about something else. “The moon is the symbol of our people. I always carry it with me, it made me remember a better time, when I was someone I could be proud of.”

He saw I was embarrassed so he kept going. “But now … I … this belongs to you.” Hearing these words my lips untied and I felt my cheeks burning. “It’s too bad the sun and the moon don’t get along.” He drew a sad smile on his face and put a soft kiss on my cheek.

I wrapped up my arms around his neck while his lips were on my skin. “I love it.” I said softly but then I quivered. Bellamy moved his lips from my cheek to my neck and I could feel my whole body shudder. I let escaped a sigh but I hadn’t the time to catch my breath that his lips were on mine.

His kiss was passionate and unpredicted at the same time. I kissed him back, grabbing his neckband to press him against me.

Bellamy slipped his hands into my jacket lifting a little more of my shirt every time he moved. We drew back catching our breath without stopping or looking at each other. I finally pressed my lips against his, one last time. He slowly broke the kiss and I wrapped my arms around him again. I was still burning inside. But this time it was different, it was desire and fear together in the same emotion. I didn’t want to cry, I didn’t want him to cry either. I wanted to stay here. In his arms, so I whispered:

“Don’t let me go.”