The Choice Of The Heart

CHAPTER 20 - "May we meet again"

It was the end of the afternoon. There was no way I could: stand up without waking Bellamy so I decided to gaze a little longer. I knew his face so well now, like I'd met him years ago. His lashes were darker and longer than mine and all his little freckles were highlighting his brown eyes. He got a bigger one just under his left eye that gave him his adorable look.

"You could've woke me up." He said with his eyes still closed. How could he know? I guess he didn't often sleep with a girl on his chest, well I hoped he didn't.

Bellamy slowly opened his eyes so I stood up. He immediately came to hold me back but he put his hands back when he saw Firas perfectly standing on my own. I was living last night again and again in my head, what a beautiful dream, a beautiful fantasy ... but it was all it was – a fantasy. I looked at Bellamy and started walking out of my room. He grabbed me and took my hands.

"Is everything okay?" he asked me with his adorable puppy's eyes. I nodded and left the room. Of course it wasn't. I climbed down the large stairs of the tower, letting the darkness of the rocks turning my skin colder and colder. The contrast between my heart and my skin came back, and I realized that it wasn't about temperature. It was about fear. Even if I didn't want to admit it, I was scared. Scared of what might happen if I came out the tower, scared of what Bellamy and I were going to become. I didn't have the time to overthink, a guard came to me. He bowed like he wanted to hide his face, so I came closer and said:

"Don't do that with me. Rise." He shyly looked up and I recognized his face. He was the one who stabbed me, but I didn't make a scared move and helped him got up. "Look at me. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Do you hear me? Nothing."

"I came Heda to delivered a message from the people." I made him continue. "We. People of Polis, would be honored to be your subjects and we hope that you still want to lead us through the light, to be our queen_" My heart tightened and I felt a strange feeling going through my veins. It was a different kind of love, different than anything I've ever felt.

And at that moment I understood my mother's words when she told me how the love of your people could make you strong. I wanted to say something back but when I turned my head, he was gone and I saw Bellamy coming to me.

"Hey, what are you doing down here?" he asked me. I just smiled at him and he didn't insist_ He came closer and passed his hand through his dark curly hair like he was embarrassed to say something. He bit his lower lip and looked up. "The crowd faded away. So I think ... we think ... hem, Octavia and I, that it would be a good time to ... a good time to go." His words came out from his mouth like a torture and it was even worse to hear them. I made a step back to catch my breath quietly.

"Hem ... yeah, yeah you're right. I'm going to warn Lexa."

Without taking a look at him I climbed upstairs and closed myself into the throne room. It was so painful; it was hurting me so much that I 'couldn't even describe it so I decided to turn my feelings off for the next hours; to protect myself from crashing down. Lexa came to the room a few minutes after and I announced her their leaving without any emotion in my voice and walked away.

A few hours later we all got out on the holy square. There were still a few people as always but the crowd did fade away. I tried to avoid Bellamy's look as much as I could. Every time I looked into his eyes I was feeling all of his love and remembering all of it and mine was destroying me. Lexa made a step forward and told them what a queen should say and I just stood by her side quiet.

I had no idea of how many minutes had passed when Octavia and Bellamy started walking away but I finally looked up and felt Lexa's look on me. "What are you doing Clarke?" her voice came to me from far away and I felt my whole body warm up. Without thinking I started running toward the siblings going away.

"Bellamy!" I screamed. He turned and I jumped right into his arms. He took my face into his hands and gave me a long soft kiss. I came back into his arms, my head hidden in his neck, my tears all over his shoulder. He slowly brought his lips to my ear while I was trying to shut my tears and whispered:

"I love you." I smiled and drowned my eyes into his one last time. I put my hand into his curly hair as he kept going. "This is not a goodbye. I'll always look after you, no matter what." I let my hands move down from his hair to his chest and a last tear flowed from my eye.

"I guess I'll need to get in trouble soon." I looked down and came into Octavia's arms. "Take care of him and be safe, both of you." We hugged and I drew back to let them go. I watched their silhouettes fade away into the forest while the sun was fading down. I came back and saw Apsen standing right to Lexa. "I guess you earned back your place Kholt." I said. Lexa simply nodded and we all got back inside the Tower.

The moon was full tonight, maybe a cynical coincidence or just a beautiful luck. I came out on my balcony and stayed quietly watching all the stars shining in this beautiful dark sky. I took my necklace off and pressed it against my heart. No fire and ice fight in my mind, nothing. No fear. I turned the medallion. A phrase was written on the backside. One of the most beautiful I've ever heard.

"May we meet again."