A Stream of Thoughts

Letting Go

I have always been an unsatisfied person. That probably mustn't mean much, seeing as I am only a few months over 15. But, in my 15 short years of existence, being truly happy and content hasn't been my forte. 

It isn't that I don't try - I just always feel as if it could get better. I'm not being optimistic. Neither am I being pessimistic, when I am dissatisfied. I am simply being realistic. At least, such is the reasoning that I give to myself at such times. 

But it is not such things that I wish to discuss at the moment.

What's been on my mind off late is this year, that is, 2016. 

Most have found this year to be absolutely terrible, with more of the bad than the good. There seems to be an endless list of things that went terribly wrong worldwide this year - ranging from the US elections to the death of some of the most iconic celebrities to major chaos in India due to demonetization and there is a large list, of less talked about events which might end up being more important, such as the situation in the Middle East. 

But, there isn't much point in whining over the bad stuff. This is a valuable lesson that I have learned this year, among many.

For me, personally, this year has been extremely eventful, full to the brim with ups and downs and twists and turns. 

Surprisingly enough, most of the bad stuff that happened related to my friendships. I guess that friends are some of the most important parts of one's life at this age. 

Coming into 2016, I had a whole bunch of friends. Growing up an insecure bully, seeing the error of my ways, and reinventing myself, I found myself thinking that the more people that like you and you are indispensable to, the better. Obviously, I was wrong. Coming towards the end of the year, I have cut down my circle of friends to a select few - and I have never been this close to  being happy. 

In the month of January, I got into a romantic relationship with my best friend. In the beginning, I had my inhibitions - because what if things got messed up, and I lost possibly the most important person who is ever likely to come into my life? But, through all the ups and downs, we seem to have made it through this year. 

Last year, I lost my pet dog, Hex. And it was really difficult. It still is difficult. Sometimes, I come home from school expecting the big, clumsy, oaf to come bounding up to greet me, instantly brightening up my day. But, I've come to accept it, knowing that death is a part of life, and he is probably in a much better place now. After all, "Death is but the next great adventure."

I have never been very close to my elder sister. We have had a mutual sort of enmity. For whatever odd reason, she is finally coming to accept me. And I, her. We have developed a sisterly bond, and actually share some things with each other now - which I'll admit is going to take some getting used to. It is all rather surprising, but in a pleasant way.

Of course, this year hasn't been all good. In retrospective, perhaps more bad things have happened than the good. However, not only does the good weigh more, it also outshines the bad. If there is a way of changing or fixing the bad and turning it into the good, it happens quite simply, and there isn't much use worrying about that. And if there isn't any way of fixing the bad, there is no point in dwelling on it, letting it consume you and make you forget about all the good. 

There is so much knowledge, wisdom, and experience that I have gathered from this year. 

I am learning to let things go; I have learnt that not every kind face is what it seems; I have learnt that love isn't always pure; I am learning to accept myself as I am; I have learnt that a second chance is always in order; I have learnt that the saying "the more, the merrier" is false; I am learning to let things go; I have learnt that to forgive doesn't necessitate forgetting; I am learning to calm down and relax.

Satisfaction and contentment are two goals that now seem just around the corner.