Just a few paragraphs I wrote out, it's nothing like what I have ever let someone read, let alone post online, but I can promise you, it's real, my emotions, my look back on 2016, most crucial is my body itching for a running start into 2017, this t...
I often think to myself what it's going to feel like when I start succeeding more than I thought I could, after reaching so many lows there is inevitably only way to go & that is up. I'm on my way up again, I started a new job, in a field I have a bit of experience in, so everything has come naturally to me or been really easy to pick up on. I have been told that I'm not working my ass off for no reason & I'm doing really well & they appreciate the hard work, which feels awesome. Good news is news I am going to get accustomed to this coming year. What do I do when there's too much of me to handle? I have so many goals & moves I have planned for the new year. Going back to school & graduating, then college. Getting another job & working both full time, maintaining my hobby of writing & working on my short stories, continuing my Free Flow entries when I feel the flow. Saving up money to travel at least twice this year. Getting professional photographs taken of myself to submit to modeling agencies. As well as some unfinished business from earlier this year, I want to be a busy person in 2017, I mean come on 2016 was a blur. So why not take advantage of it? I'm still young, I'm 21, I have so much free time, there's always something to do. GIRL I even started working out too at home exercise videos & I biked for a solid hour today before work which was fantastic, crisp winter day in North Carolina at a mild 60 degrees with a gentle wafting breeze that dances in your hair. It was gorgeous, there is something about a Carolina Blue Sky that really just grounds you, I swear. It's a refreshingly simple beauty of something most overlook. I love it. I feel much better than I did mentally a few weeks ago. I believe I got myself out of the funk I was in, life is back to feeling normal. I feel, like I am regaining control. Because I am. If you loose control of your life or your emotions, I promise you it will be okay. We make it through everything, every other day don't we? Every tragedy, we make it. Battered & bruised sometimes, we still made it through. Humans can be very resilient when they figure out how. Resiliency is a beautiful trait, I can't even put it into words effectively enough to get my point across. Beyond inspirational is a start. Just the inner capability to recover from the hardships & difficulties of life alone is beautiful. You can make it through anything because you made it through everything. I strongly believe by writing as much as I can, I will apply what I write to my own life more than ever. I will no longer drive myself to the point of insanity. I wasted so many years doing the same things expecting different results, I was so naive it genuinely frustrates me, however now I see it clearer than ever. Chase it. Don't question it, if you want something, get up off your ass & figure out how you can do it, nobody will do it for you but you, yourself. So many lessons learned this year. It's been an emotional one for sure. A journey. A breaking point most of all. I have literally been my own worst enemy & critic for all these years, without even consciously being aware of it, I just sank that low. I'm going up, I'm going as high up as I can possibly get in a year. Just because I can fight & work towards it because I can still breathe & fight. I will never give up on myself again, I have fought my way up before this will be the last fight up.
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