Everything Has Changed (A Finn and Jack Harries FanFic)

Chapter 12

Five days. Five days of not sleeping, or eating. Five days of wondering what kind of person I had become. Five days since I'd slept with Finn in that club. 

I spent most of my day in my room, sitting on the window seat, staring out. Jack didn't know, if you're wondering. Which made it worse in a way. He still acted like I was the centre of his universe, trying to make me come out. No one knew what was wrong with me. I'd had a history of depressive periods, not depression exactly, but symptoms of it which came in cycles every 6 months. Jack knew about them, so he did what he could.

I hated myself.

But Finn. 

He had tried to talk to me every day since that night, but I shut him out completely. Looking at him reminded me what I'd done to Jack, with his brother. What kind of sick, twisted person did something like that? I didn't know what to do with myself, what to think of myself. 

"Lexi, are you in there?" I heard a voice call. I managed to give a reply, as Jack walked into the room. He hadn't slept properly either, since that night. It was because of me. I couldn't sleep, I just dreamt about Finn and his lips on mine and his hands traveling up and down my body. I probably looked like a drug addict by now. 

"Baby, I have to go out with my dad… Are you going to be okay? I hate leaving you alone like this, what's happened? Why can't you just tell me?" He says sitting down in front of me. I manage a weak smile.

"Yes I'll be fine, don't worry. It's nothing, I promise, I love you. You know how I get sometimes, I'm trying to get better though, I've ruined your Christmas enough" I replied. I'd been telling him that I loved him a lot lately. Maybe I was trying to make up for what I did. But it didn't make me feel any better, not in the slightest. 

"I love you too. You don't need to worry about anything, okay? We all just want you to get better. I'll give you whatever you need, I promise." He said, looking up at me through his lashes. He tucked a strand of stray hair behind my ear, and gave me a soft, tender kiss. Not like Finn, who kissed me hungrily, angrily almost. Jack gave me another peck, and walked out the door.

And then I broke. Every wretched emotion that had been building inside of me cascaded out. I made my way to my bed, and begged for forgiveness. I didn't even know who I was begging, I didn't believe in God. But I needed to know that there was someone out there who would forgive my sin. Hopefully it would be Jack. But no, not after what I had done to him. Not after that. 

I lay there for what felt like hours, drifting in and out of sleep. Waking up to cry all over again, and then falling back into lucid dreams about Finn and Jack and betrayal. By the time I awoke properly, it was noon. I heard a knock on the door, as Finn walked in.

"I don't care what you say, we need to talk. Now." He declared, standing in front of me. 

"I'm a lying, cheating whore. That's all there is to say. So leave, please." I replied, staring him in the eye. My head pounding and heart racing.

"Don't ever say that. Ever. You understand me?" He said, coming to sit on the bed.

"I cheated on my boyfriend, with his brother. You. I don't even have a word for myself." I added, fresh tears swelling in my eyes. 

"Why," He asked looking at me curiously.

"What?" I replied, confused.

"Why did you do it? Did you do it out of spite, or hate?" He asked again, 

"No! It may not look like it but I love him, so much. I don't know what to do" I replied, breaking down again, the tears streaming down my face. 

"Hey, hey, I know you do… I can see it in your eyes. You aren't a bad person, I promise. You're wonderful, and I wish you were mine. I know what we did was wrong, especially me. He's my brother. Just please, I need to know why you did it," He looked at me, pleading.

"Because I feel something for you okay? I don't know what it is, I have too many thoughts running through my head. But there's something there, for you." I replied, breathless. 

He looked taken aback, before he stood up. 

"We're going to fix you and Jack, we're not going to tell him what happened, but you're going to fix your relationship, you can't let him go, okay?" He said resolutely. I looked up hopefully, and smiled at him. But then remembered the guilt, and everything came back down.

"You have to stop beating yourself up Lexi. People make mistakes, misjudgments. You aren't bad, I know that for a fact. Now come on, we're going to cheer you up, okay?" He said, smiling.

"But we can never be more than friends" I replied. He smiled a sad sort of smile, and nodded.

"I know… But we can be friends, and I'm going to be your friend now. So get ready, we're going out" He added, grinning as he walked out of the door.

Maybe, just maybe I could fix things. There wasn't a guarantee, but there was hope. And that was enough for me. 

Guys I'm so so so sorry I haven't updated in months! I'm actually in the middle of exams so I've been revising like crazy. Also I had a really hectic Christmas. I hope you understand. I'll be updating more often once I get my life back on track! Thank you for reading this, I love you all xxxx