Inexplicable

15. Sadie

One look at his scars made up my mind. One look at his ears made up my mind. One sound of her voice made up my mind.
I don't care if I'm risking my life for a group of people I barely know. Their motive is true, and the problem is real. They were the ones that managed to escape, so what can be thought of the ones that are still there? The ones still trapped in those horrifying labs that scarred these people so badly? I have never experienced what they have, thank God for that, and I accept that I will never truly understand them. The least I can do is aid them in their movement against cruelty. Life is so short now, there is not one moment that can be wasted. I would rather die fighting for something that matters than die getting the flu, a waste of a life that had the potential to save others.

It has been two weeks since Rolland had announced the plan. Every day we have been training. Really training. It turns out the Crate is far larger than it seems. Passed the main room, lies an indoor shooting range, fully equipped with earsets, guns of all types, bullets, and targets. The plan consists of not only having the prerequisite of being able to shoot a moving a target accurately, (which I cannot) but also being in shape. And that I am definitely not. The physical exercise has been the most brutal for me, but I try not to complain. Rolland and Aiden alternate in leading daily runs. Aiden makes us run until we feel like throwing our insides up, which I have also done. It was mortifying.
Normally, we each get one day off to regain our energy and rest. Today is that day. Marly and I have been sharing a room, set with two twin beds. Unlike most of the rooms, this one has a window. The sunlight greets me from my dreamless sleep. The sun hasn't come out in months, it's considered lucky if it does. Over the course of the years, the sun slowly seems to fade away, seeming like the sun was gift taken away meant for better times. The Earth itself is so damaged that there aren't four seasons like there used to be. Instead, it's constantly cloudy with moderate temperature, but every now and then the sun makes an appearance or it snows out of the blue.
The light from the small window pours in, illuminating my now pale skin. It's only 7am, and today is our day off, but I want to run in the light for once. I get out of bed quietly, hoping not to wake Marly. I dress in my usual dark leggings and t-shirt. I tie my hair up and leave the room. Daniel is eating breakfast with Adrian in the kitchen. Daniel takes one look at my clothes and says, "You know today's our day off, right?"
"I don't want to miss an opportunity to tan." I grin at him. "Try not throw up while you're outside." He winks, and Adrian chuckles. Over the past weeks it seems that their relationship is changing. I smile knowing they will never let it go.
I let the heavy door close behind me and jog down the steps, eager for the feeling of sunlight on my naked arms. The trees still remain bare and there still is no grass, but the trees seem straighter today, attempting to repair some damage and look alive to the face of the relentless sun. I start running at my usual pace, soaking in the warmth. I jog off the trail to visit my favorite place. I discovered it shortly after my vomiting scene, trying to get away from everyone else. When I arrive, a small lake glistens in the the light. Around it, the ground has crushed into a pale shade of yellow, creating sand. The tree trunks surrounding the lake are tall and sturdy, shielding the oasis from the outside world. Usually, bodies of water are now filthy and carry who knows how many diseases. Usually, they are brown and cloudy and are unable to sustain life. But this lake is the opposite. The water is clear enough to see minuscule fish swimming peacefully. I had never seen breathing fish up close, until I saw this place. It's like looking at a small glimpse of what the past used to be, at what could have been. I wonder sometimes, how is it possible for these fish, this lake, to live without SZs? It's almost as if that everything that humans touch, dies. I untie my laces and slips my socks and shoes off. I lay down in front of the lake, my feet submerged in the water. The sun's rays feel like a warm blanket wrapping around me. I close my eyes, allowing the light to make me breathe clean air and letting me see the nakedness of the world.
"Great day, isn't it?" I jump at the sound, making the water splash. Aiden smiles toothlessly to himself. He is leaning against a dense tree trunk, hands in his pockets. How long was he standing there? "The sun rarely comes out, so I thought I'd enjoy it before it leaves again."
He sits beside me, looking at the lake.
"How do you know about this place?" I ask.
"I like to come here to clear my head," he replies. The serenity here is almost an illusion. He turns to look at me; neither of his eyes don't quite match the blue of the lake. "Are you nervous?" He's talking about our grand scheme to end the faceless. "Not really," I say. "Someone was bound to break the rules, and I'm glad we're the ones to do it." My initial anger at him has worn off, only leaving me with curiosity. I've been meaning to ask him about his past for sometime now, but I never had the chance. "What happened to your parents?" He had told me awhile back he was an orphan. His eyes are set on the lake when he responds. "I don't know," he throws a pebble in the water. "I've never met them. So no, I don't miss them." He answers my question without me even asking. I roll on my side and rest my head on my hand. "Don't you ever wonder who they are? Or what they look like?" He rolls on his side, imitating my pose. "Have you ever heard the phrase 'curiosity killed the cat'?" I narrow my eyes. There is anxiousness behind his façade of amusement. I look at him more closely. His dark hair contrasts sharply against his tan skin and pale eyes. His arms are wired with muscle, adding to his broad shoulders.
There is a darkness in him that somehow remains innocent.
He smiles, "Like what you see?" I feel my cheeks getting hot and turn away. He turns back around and stares at the sand. "There's something you should know," he starts. I sit up and face him. He takes a deep breath, as he usually does before saying something important. "My escape wasn't exactly clean." I tilt my head. "What do you mean?"
He continues to stare at the ground when he confesses. "I killed two people at the lab that day." Before I can respond he continues. "I didn't know what I was doing until it happened. They had just drugged me and it made me insane and I was so angry-so angry- I was done with them treating me like a lab rat and I decided I'd had enough but then I just snapped. I cou-"
"Did they deserve it?" is the only way I can reply. He seems caught off guard. "Does anyone deserve death?" He says, his face is painted in guilt.
"Those people, were they the ones that gave you those scars?" I keep my voice low.
"Yes."
"Death is inevitable." I look at him. "Those people chose to be there. They chose to drug you. They were aware of the risks for themselves. You can't keep all the blame for yourself." He turns his head and tightens his jaw. He murdered the murders. Who is the bad the guy?