KABANATA 11 — Voice
I looked down at my injured hand that was wrapped in a bandage. Hindi na ito gaanong mahapdi ngayong nakapahinga lamang ito sa ibabaw ng aking hita ngunit tuwing igagalaw ko ito ay nararamdaman ko ang pagguhit ng hapdi.
We were already inside a car that Socrates drove when he followed us. Dahil sa pangyayari ay hindi na namin naituloy ni Lavina ang pamamasyal. Socrates also didn't allow us to commute. Siya na mismo ang naghayag na sasakay kami sa sasakyan pauwi nang hindi manlang hinihingi ang aking pahintulot.
I didn't disagree anymore. Nawalan na rin kasi ako ng gana para sa araw na ito. I thought the day would go well because I would be able to bond with my friend but it just ended with me wounded, physically and emotionally. Kasalanan ko ito. Hindi ko sinisisi si Lavina. She was concerned about the things that was happening between me and his brother and I knew for sure that her intentions were good. Nais lang naman niyang maging maayos na kami ng kaniyang kapatid. However, I wasn't ready yet. I wasn't okay and it would take a long while for me to be fine again.
"Kapag nakita ni kuya ang sugat mo..." Kusang tumigil si Lavina nang mabanggit niya ang kaniyang kapatid.
Nanahimik lamang ako. Socrates was also silent as he drove our way back home.
Once we got home, I said thank you to Socrates and told Lavina that I would just rest for the whole day. Nagkulong ako sa kwarto at nag-isip-isip tungkol sa mga huling pangyayari sa aking buhay.
Pinadalhan ko rin ng mensahe si Minerva at binalita sa kaniya ang mga pangyayari. She didn't reply for the next two hours, maybe because she was busy with work. Ngunit nang magkaroon siguro ng pagkakataon ay hindi lang mensahe ang pinadala niya. Tinawagan pa niya ako.
"Hey!" Minerva greeted when I answered the call.
I smiled at her familiar voice. Isa talaga si Minerva sa mga mapagkakatiwalaan ko kaya naman kapag kasama o nakakausap ko siya ay gumagaan ang pakiramdam ko. Isa siyang tunay na kaibigan na kahit kailan ay hindi ako sinukuan.
"What happened to you?" she asked in a worried tone.
"Nabasa mo na. At ayoko na ring ulitin. I just need to release these feelings," hinga ko sa kaniya.
It had always been like this since the beginning. Minerva would always be there to listen to me and offer me a shoulder to cry on. Kahit noong unang beses kong naramdamang hindi na tama ang pinili kong landas pagdating sa pag-ibig.
"But it's very brave for you to go back there and face him again, Veign. You just have to tolerate him and endure the pain. Hindi ka magiging maayos kung hindi mo haharapin 'yan. The wound you had was probably someone else's fault but the healing part is your responsibility, Veign. Ikaw lang ang makakapagsabi kung nais mo nang gumaling o hahayaan mo pa ring magdugo ang sugat na natamo mo."
Nanginig ang labi ko. Ibinaon ko ang aking mukha sa unan na nasa mga hita ko.
She was right. Everything she said was right. Ngunit anong dapat kong gawin? Ang harapin si Lev at magpanggap na maayos na ang lahat? Kailangan ko bang sabihin sa kaniya ang nangyari at kung bakit ko siya kinamumuhian? Then what would happen next? Ganoon pa rin naman. Walang magbabago dahil nangyari na ang nangyari. Tapos na ang lahat. Huli na ang lahat. Kahit na malaman niya, hindi na mababago ang nangyari sa nakaraan.
Minerva and I talked some more. She kept on saying sensible things to me. She continued giving me advices. Nagpapasalamat ako roon ngunit hindi ko maipapangakong masusunod ko ang mga payong ibinigay niya sa akin. Halos dalawang oras din kaming nag-usap tungkol sa iba't ibang bagay. Pinag-usapan namin ang lagay niya ngunit sa huli ay bumalik din sa akin ang paksa.
