My Demon

18. Guilt

"I--" Mike begins to say biting his lip.

"I know." Zion says caressing Mike's cheek. He moves forward to kiss him trying to convey his love. "I'm sorry." He says breaking the kiss.

Mike shakes his head. "I...understand."

Zion's eyes fill with tears that threaten to spill over. He leans for another kiss. The tears spill over.

Mike brushes them away with his thumb. "Shh, it's okay."

"It's not." Zion whispers. "You deserve someone better."

"Stop." Mike says sternly. "You are the one for me, so stop any more of those thoughts. I'm not leaving you."

"But I keep telling you no." Zion says.

"Shh." Mike repeats. "It's okay."

Zion shakes his head.

~

"Why didn't you have bottom surgery?" Hunter asks.

You know why. Why is he asking? Zion thinks.

"Why didn't you?" Hunter asks taking Zion's chin in his hand to turn him to meet his eyes. "You can't even meet my eyes."

Zion shuts his eyes. He is hurting him.

"It would make it pleasurable." Hunter states.

How long did he think this? Zion asks staring at the sheets covering himself.

"Zion."

Zion shakes his head. "It's a lot of pain and it doesn't always work." I wasn't sure about it. He thinks.

"You should have." Hunter says standing up.

You knew I didn't. Where is this coming from? Zion asks wanting to disappear.

~

"Zion, zion." Mike repeats worried.

Zion shakes his head. He turns to meet Mike's worried gaze.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes."

"Okay." Mike says.

Zion tries to hold Mike's gaze, but fails.

"What were you thinking?" Mike asks.

"Nothing."

"Zion." Mike says sternly.

Zion bites his lower lip.

"You need to stop worrying your lip." Mike says.

Zion gives him a small smile. "I--it was..."

"Yes."

"It was something Hunter said. I don't know why it came to mind."

"Tell me about it."

"It's not important."

"It is." Mike says. "If you don't want to tell me, it's fine, but promise you will talk about it with someone else."

Zion nods.

"Okay, now we have to get going or we are going to be late to Eli's birthday celebration and you know we can't be late." Mike states.

"It's time already."

"Yes, so let's get you ready." Mike says picking Zion up.

"Put me down." Zion chuckles.