The Battle Within (Discontinued)

A Darker Tale

January 20

     Damin and I had been texting for a while, talking about school and random things. I wasn't comfortable telling him everything until one night he asked me a question that deserved the truth.

     Damin: Why do you have so many cuts on your arm?

     When I saw the message I had swallowed hard and wanted to cry, to run and hide. I wanted to smash my phone right there.

     Me: Someone put them there...

     Damin: Who? Why? :O

     Me: I did...

     As I waited for his reply I felt myself tearing up. I knew he thought I was weird or pathetic. He would tell me I was a freak and then tell everyone at school too.

     When my phone vibrated I remember closing my eyes shut and trying to implode into myself. The constant vibration against my leg pleaded my attention until I finally gave in and opened the message.

     Damin: I cut myself too...

     The message came as more than a surprise. I had never seen any cuts on Damin when he wore short sleeves as we talked next to his locker. I had never seen him even hint to the fact that he, too, had romanced the razor until he needed the pain.

     Me: Why?

     Damin: Why do you?

     I had wanted to growl in frustration. Damin had tried asking about my personal life before, only to be shut out for a week. When he apologized I had told him that I wasn't comfortable telling anyone about my life. He had told me he wouldn't ask again and now, here he was, asking why I had my own small collection of cuts.

     Me: I can't tell you.

     Damin: I know you dont want to talk about personal stuff but Im worried.

     The fact that someone worried about me was what made me snap. I remember typing fiercely as tears blurred my vision. The message was long and I never thought I would send it until I gathered up my courage and shakily hit the send button.

     Me: I cut myself because it stops me from thinking about anything else. My drunk mom, her stupid boyfriend, being bullied in school... I do it because the sight of my own blood numbs the mental angst. I do it because I feel that pain is all I deserve, because I am fat and no one loves me! :'(

     I could swear right now, on this diary, that I waited an hour for a reply, when in all truth I only waited a few minutes. The fear of what Damin would say gnawed at my stomach, adding to the hunger I felt from only eating a small bowl of cereal that day.

     Damin: I cut myself because my dad says I'm no good for anything... He told me if I hadn't been born my mom would still be here. He hates me, and I hate me... To say that you are fat and no one loves you breaks my heart. I love you, you're my best friend.

     I don't think that I had had any friends until Damin. The thought that I was his best friend made me happier than I had been in months. I felt a genuine smile tugging at my lips as I replied.

     Me: You're good for a lot of things. You make my days brighter, more bearable. You shouldn't blame yourself for your mother, and your father shouldn't blame you. You're my only friend, and I love you as I love my brother.

                                                                         ~Maxx

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     Please tell me what you think! I love hearing from my readers and hearing your comments helps me build the next chapter. I hope you like Damin, he is a truly heart warming character. Don't forget to fan The Battle Within on Facebook! Thank you so much for reading.

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