The Battle Within (Discontinued)

Like All The Other Girls

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February 4

    Soon I was losing more weight. It was easier to resist food and my shrunken stomach resisted what little I did eat. I lost thirty pounds in two months. This time I didn't get the complements. I didn't get the jealous looks from girls.

     One day while I was sleeping in class, I never had any energy anymore, a note was slid under my hand. I woke up enough to sit up and unfold it. To say I was shocked to read it, well, that would be an understatement.

     The note was from Damin. I still have it, actually, so I'll copy it word for word. To be honest, it's more like a letter in a sense.

     Maxx,

     Remember how I told you that you were more like a sister to me? I didn't lie that I care about you. I hear people gossip and I don't like what I hear.

     They say you're too thin and you never eat. They say you don't talk at all anymore, and you can't stay awake. Is it all true? Why would you do that to yourself?

     I know I haven't been there but I'm worried. Don't kill the Maxx that I know, she's too sweet and kind to try to hurt.

                  I miss you Maxx.

                     Damin

     Reading the note I felt angry and happy and frustrated all at the same time. Why did he care? Why was he talking to me only after I became the subject of gossip? And who the hell was talking about me? It made me want to cry and punch someone at the same time.

     I didn't have the energy to punch anyone so I just put my head down and went back to sleep. After class when I was at my locker Damin ran up to me. I ignored him when he said hi, I just kept grabbing my books.

     When I slammed my locker shut and turned to start walking away Damin had grabbed my wrist. He made me look him in the eye as he spoke to me.

     "I wasn't lying in that note. Don't kill my Maxx." Those words made me frown and I remember mustering up enough energy to pull my wrist out of his hand.

     "You don't even know what Maxx you're talking about." I had growled as I walked away.

     Because the Maxx that was like his sister? She was stronger than the Maxx that I was then. She laughed at the preppy girls that obsessed with make-up and clothes. She swore she would never give up. She knew what she wanted, because she was strong.

     This new Maxx was weak. She was scared and frail. She envied the skinny girls that boys loved to touch and kiss. She wanted to be just like the other girls, and she was hurting herself in the process.

     The more I starved myself the weaker I knew I was. At first I was weak when I accepted food but now I was weak if I even thought of eating. It was a constant battle in my head and I was always on the losing side. If it wasn't other people putting me down it was myself.

     I missed the old Maxx.

                                                           ~Maxx

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