The Battle Within (Discontinued)

Hunger Hurts

     This is dedicated to the amazing mythinkingbox for everything she did for me! Thanks for promoting my story and helping me get more reads, you're the best! I hope you all enjoy the story and don't forget to like The Battle Within's page on Facebook! Share the news and help me get into the Watty Awards :)

                                                      -You're all the greatest, OscarTheHat

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January 25

    After Damin and I had told each other our story things changed. I don't know if it's because he'd never trusted anyone with the hurt, scarred side of him or if he thought I would tell. But honestly, who did I have to tell?

     Damin began to ignore me when I went to his locker after classes. We never ate lunch together so I didn't have that disappointment to weigh me down but still, his coldness hurt like a blade on virgin skin. I didn't know what to think or do, so I went on like I usually did.

     Damin had been like a rock to me before. I know it sounds awful that someone I had just met had helped keep my demons at bay but he had. I had started eating more without even thinking. I realized that I had put the weight back on while Damin had been so close.

     Fifteen pounds doesn't sound like much but I felt like a whale. The clothes I wore were bulky and hid me from the world and I hated them. I hated me.

     Slowly I started to push my food away. It wasn't much, not as drastic at first. Just a little at breakfast, skip lunch, just eat a little at dinner. I was curbing my appetite slowly.

     Still I didn't think it was enough. I started skipping breakfast and lunch both and working out at every possible moment. I was so angry at myself when I actually gained two pounds.

     Even though the diet didn't work as fast as I hoped I kept it up and after a month the two pounds shed off. Still I couldn't bear to look at myself in the mirror. All I saw was ugly fat.

     It hurt, and not only the rumblings in my stomach that made me want to vomit and keel over. It hurt that I couldn't be pretty and skinny. It hurt that no matter how hard I tried food always won.

     Soon it wasn't just me that I hated. I hated food. I hated the girls who made fun of me. I was so mad at Damin for just ignoring me for a month.I hated everything that made me weak.

     The hunger was sharper than before. It was always a constant stab in my gut but I knew food was my enemy. I would not wave the white flag and give in after I had come so far. I just couldn't go back to the thing I was before.

     But, even then when I was slowly losing pound after pound, I didn't know who I was or what I really wanted in life. I wanted to be skinny, but what would I do when I actually got it? I wanted to be liked, but would I really give up the solitude that I went out of my way to achieve?

     I wanted love, but if I ever received it would I know how to return it? I hadn't known love in so long that the word was foreign, almost empty of all meaning.

     But of course I had eyes for someone. My rock. That's when I realized I was mad at Damin because he didn't love me after I told him my story. I was mad because when I had started to think I knew who I was Damin proved it was all fake.

                                                                     ~Maxx

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