Les-B-Honest

Say What You Need To

Kelly Pov

I sat on the couch of Dr.Washington's office. I ran my fingers through my hair letting out a breath. His office was dimly lit by the little light that peeked through the curtains. My sweaty palms rests on my legs. I tried to open my mouth to speak but I couldn't.

"Kelly, you have to speak to me for progress." The man sat with his note pad and pen in his lap. "I-im sorry. This is uhm hard I guess." I said softly. "And that's okay. Opening up will help alot though." He reached touching my hand gently. I nodded understanding. "Okay. How've you been? I assume all but well." His words stood true. I was terrible. "It's been rough." I thought about yesterday. Burying my child was the last this I wanted to do. "And how have you been dealing with your daughters death?" I froze quickly. A lump formed in the back of my throat. I didn't understand how to tell him Something of that measure. Dr.Washington's blunt words struck a nerve. My eyes welled with water as my hands started to shake.  "I'm sorry." I tried to quickly wipe my tears. "No. Don't be. You are grieving. You lost someone and as this is expected don't try and hold it in. It's not good for you." He handed me some tissues out of the little card bored box. I dabbed my eyes trying to compose myself. "What are you doing to help safely cope."

I paused thinking. How could I answering this question without facing the harsh reality? I wasn't. I was being consumed with sadness and depression. I push away those who care about me, just to be best friends with a bottle.

"Kelly?" Dr.Washington tried snapping me out of my trance. "I'm sorry, I really don't know how to uh- answer that." I shamed myself on the inside. "I think you do." He leaned back into his chair crossing his legs. Holding my silence I fiddled with my ring. Dr.Washington let out a hard breath. "I'm not going to pretend like I wasn't told about you having a "problem"." Temper. "Wh-what? I don't have a problem." I got defensive. "Okay problem was the wrong terminology. An infatuation of some sort. That may lead to problems." "Is that what she said,?" I frowned my eyebrows. "Now, no this isn't about anyone else but you Kelly."

***

The waiting room was cold, and still. Everything around me was quite. I sat shaking as I prayed. This couldn't be real. My baby was laying on a hospital table. What did I do? I didn't deserve any of this. Kendra didn't deserve this. I am a good mother.

Chris rubbed my back trying to clam me. "Kelly I'm so sorry." My best friend said with tears in her eyes. "Bey this didn't have nothing to do with you." Chris butted in. "Maybe if I would have-", I cut her off before she could finish. "Chris is right." I tried to hold back my tears. "It's not on you." "I came here as soon as I could." I heard Mrs.Tina come around the corner. "Ma." I stood up walking over to her. She wrapped her hands around me grabbing me to her chest. "Where are my babies?" She looked for the missing bodies. "T-temper is in the ICU. They said they rushed her to an OR. She was bleeding so much." Mama T looked at my blood covered shirt as I babbled on. A look of concern covered her face. "Ma, I'm scared." I said crying.

My heart instantly broke. Knowing that there was a chance that this would never be me again. Telling Kendra she was okay when she feel and skinned her knee. Or picking her up and helping her through her first breakup. It was all so real.

"Its okay sweetie." She said still holding me. Mama T helped me to my seat with me still in her arms. "Can somebody tell me what happened to my grand baby?" Mama looked around. "Lance he-" Chris started but he couldn't finish. "What?" She bugged. "He shot her." I let out a whimper at the sound of it. "Oh god." Mama held her hand to her chest. "That crazy bastard. He's going to jail this time. Your own child-" Chris cut her short.
"He shot himself too." Chris ran his hands over his head. "Jesus." She pulled me closer rubbing my back. "You will be fine. So will Kendra." She clutched my hand.