Read My Lips: Restricted Version

RML: Chapter 21 (R)

Chapter 21

“You know...” Lucy mused quietly while petting the black mare and keeping her head tilted toward Amber and away from the men behind them.  “I think Linc and his horse over there have a lot in common.”

Amber frowned at her.  “You do?  How so?”

“Well...they are both very handsome specimens of men,” Lucy said in such a quiet voice she was barely whispering.  Amber could always tell when someone did that.  It made their words look almost like a mumble.  “And they are both very protective of their women...and they are both so enamored with you, neither knows how to deal with it.”

Amber rolled her eyes with disbelief.  ‘The horse adores me,’ she corrected her friend in sign language while hopping down from the fence. ‘The man doesn’t want anything to do with me, other than to be my friend...not that I’ll let that stop me.’

‘It shouldn’t stop you, because friends don’t look at each other the way he looks at you,’ Lucy signed as she joined Amber on the ground.

‘You’re confused, and he’s not interested,’ Amber insisted, though she wished he was.  She’d already made a vow to herself to win his love, no matter what, but ever since he pissed her off over his insinuations -- his and his brother’s -- about her car, she didn’t think now was a good time to start on that.

‘Oh, he’s interested,’ Lucy affirmed.  ‘Maybe not to fall in love, but making love...yeah, that man would have you naked and between the sheets in a heartbeat if you say the word...or crook a finger.  Just start from there.’

Amber blushed slightly.  ‘I’m not going to seduce him to get him to love me.  I can’t.  It’s not right.  He has to come to that conclusion on his own.  Besides...I wouldn’t know how, anyway...I never have.’

‘Never have what?’

Suddenly, a patch of grass beside her feet became very interesting.  With shaking hands, she signed, ‘Made love with someone.’

Lucy didn’t reply immediately.  Amber assumed she must have stunned her friend into complete silence.  She peeked up, but Lucy wasn’t totally stunned.  Mostly, she looked sad.  ‘Oh, Amber,’ she signed with a soft frown.  ‘I didn’t know.  Is that what you meant about needing help?’

Amber nodded glumly right before she spied the two men approaching them.

“I think they’re talking about us,” Wil said as he came into Amber’s vision.  She glanced swiftly at Linc, forgetting for a moment that he knew a lot more signs now.  How much did he understand?  He looked angry about something as his booted feet stomped across the ground, eating up a lot of space in a short amount of time.  His brown eyes flared with a passion that wasn’t sexually linked -- at least, she assumed it wasn’t.  Then again, what did she know about a man and his passions?

He gave her a single glance that almost looked spiteful before brushing completely by her and disappearing into the stable.  Amber sighed.  She’d never understand Linc and his moods.  Turning to Lucy with a wry frown, she fluttered her hands and signed, ‘Now what?’

Lucy considered the question.  ‘Why not at least try?  See if you can get him to kiss you...Just see if he’s open for more than just a friendship.’

Linc’s brother cleared his throat as he scratched at his head.  “You know, ladies...it’s rude to talk about people in front of their faces.”

Amber bared her teeth at him.  “Should we turn our backs so you can not see?”

Wilson Martin turned his eyes to her.  They were brown, like Linc’s but lighter and softer around the edges, as though happiness had settled into his soul whereas Linc believed he could never feel that emotion again.  Amber got wary of his continual stare.  Then he finally spoke.  “How close is your friendship to my brother?”

She narrowed her gaze at him, not particularly liking the insinuation within those words.  “What do you mean?”

“I mean...how much do you know about what happened to him a few years ago?  With Macie.”

Oh, that...  She shared a look with Lucy.  “I know most of it,” Amber admitted.  Between Lucy’s story, Linc’s reluctant descriptions and the mass of newspaper articles Amber poured over, she knew just about everything...even that Wil took the brunt of the responsibility of Macie’s death on his shoulders and sent himself to prison.  And that Linc let him go.

“Then there are some things you should know about my brother,” Wil went on.  “For one thing, his favorite emotion is anger.  He hides behind it.  He’s afraid of what might happen if he lets down that guard.  But sometimes he does, and you can get a peek at the real man underneath all that denim and horse manure.  For another thing, he’s fiercely protective of everything he cares about.  He’s always been this way...with Macie, with me...protective to the point of cloaking himself in that bullheaded attitude of his and what may seem like a dictatorship to those who don’t know him very well.”

Lucy and Amber looked at each other again.  “Why are you telling me this?” Amber wanted to know.

Wil jerked his thumb behind him.  “I’m telling you this because if Macie showed up in that miniature death trap, he would have dragged her back to the dealership and forced her to return it.”

Her car sat proud and green against the afternoon sky up on the rise of the yard.  If Linc tried to force her to return it, she would run him over with it.  Raising an eyebrow, she returned her gaze to the man standing before her and Lucy.  “And?”

“I don’t notice him pulling any of that crap with you,” Wil said, his face not betraying a single emotion.

“I am not Macie,” Amber stated...and he obviously doesn’t care that much about me.  Which was a great heartache to her.  But she wasn’t walking down Love’s Lonely Lane all by herself for the rest of her life.  No, she wanted that man in there...the one avoiding her, and she was going to do her damnest to get him.  It might not work out, but that didn’t mean she would just stand around, hoping for something to happen.  One kiss...she could do that.  Get Linc to kiss her one time...and if he pushed her away, then she’d have her answer.  She’d know whether or not to pursue him further.

“Exactly,” Wil said, pointing a finger at Amber, who had lost track of the conversation for a moment.  Confused, she knitted her forehead and glanced at her friend for insight.  Lucy shrugged and shook her head.  She didn’t know what this cowboy was talking about either.  

“You see...along with that temper and that tyrannical mindset of his, he’s also smart enough to rarely make the same mistake twice,” Wil continued when neither woman made a reply.  “I was responsible for Macie that day, and I took on my punishment for it.  But Linc...he suffered far more than anyone else.  Yet, anyone who knew Macie, also knew that if you pushed her toward one thing, she’d dig in her heels and go the opposite way...”

Lucy nodded sadly in agreement.

“And Linc knew that...he believes that he pushed her too far, by telling her to stay away from that demonic horse.”  Wil took off his hat with a visible, weary sigh and rubbed his fingers through his hair.  “He cares about you, Amber...he’s just too damn scared of showing it.  This push and pull thing he’s doing -- yeah, you don’t have to ask...I know my brother.  I can see it all now...pushing you away, then doing things that pulls you right back to him.  He’s scared.  Scared of finally letting go of Macie, scared of feeling something for another woman...scared that he will hurt you, or do something that will get you killed.”

Amber began to protest the killed part, but Wil held his hand up to her.  “Just trust me, okay?  I don’t know what he’s doing in the stable right now, but I’m sure if you go in there, you’ll see what I mean.  And I see the way you look at him...the same way he looks at you.  If you care about him at all...if you’re willing to take the next step, then get in there...make the first move.  What can it really hurt?”

Amber chewed on her bottom lip as she glanced into the dark interior of the stable.  Now, she had two people pushing her to seduce Linc, right along with her own desires to love him.  In fact, Linc was the only one who didn’t know what was going on right now...he had no clue what was about to happen...what his brother, her best friend, and herself were planning for him.  Did that mean she couldn’t back out?  Because, even though she set her heart on Linc, setting her body on him was going to be difficult.  She imagined it akin to baking a cake for the first time without a recipe.  She had an idea what kind of ingredients she’d need, but not the amounts or how to put it all together.  

Seeing nothing but shadows through the open doorway, Amber paused, yet Linc was in there somewhere...doing something just to avoid her.  Why?  Why did he push and pull on her?  Was it really because he wanted her just as much as she wanted him, but was afraid of what that might mean for them?  Or just afraid of losing Macie?  Should she take the first step toward healing him?  And if nothing came of this afternoon, then would she really be in any different state of emotions over him?  She’d know that he finally rejected her...that he truly didn’t want to pursue a deeper relationship with her...and that he honestly couldn’t love any other woman besides Macie.  

She’d know.

And knowing was half the battle here.

Taking an unsteady breath, she reached out, squeezed Lucy’s hand for reassurance, and started toward the stable door and the man she was falling uncontrollably in love with.  Here goes nothing...

“Wait,” Lucy said, stopping her for a moment.  Lucy unbuttoned the top two buttons of Amber’s shirt and parted the collar to reveal just the barest hint of cleavage.  “There...that’ll help.”

Wil shifted his stance and he mumbled under his breath, but Amber caught the words, “Jesus...Linc won’t know what hit him,” and she grinned in response.

Just inside the stable, she stopped to allow her eyes to adjust to the dim.  She immediately spied Linc on the opposite end, hauling bales of hay from one corner to the other.  Thick leather gloves encased his hands as he curled his fingers around the twine on the bales.  He hefted one to his chest as though it weighed barely anything at all.  For a few moments, she just watched him.  He’d pick up one bale, walk the distance across the stable and set it down on another pile, then go back for another.  Amber couldn’t see the reasoning for moving the hay.  But she could see the turbulent anger etched across his face and his mouth moving in a heated mumble.

Had his brother been right?  Was Linc hiding behind his anger and working out his emotions through irrelevant labor?

“Linc?” she called softly, entwining her hands in front of her.  He paused halfway across the stable floor and seared her with a glance before moving on to dump his hay bale.

“What is it?” he asked as he stripped off his gloves and tucked them behind his belt.  His booted feet carried him over to her.  Amber tried to think about how she was going to approach this issue.  Did he have any feelings for her other than friendship?  He looked as though he didn’t want her here at all.  

“Are...Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” he said, his jaw clenched tightly enough to make a muscle jump on his jaw. She noticed that his eyes darted down to her unbuttoned shirt before turning a shade harder and looking away.

Amber sighed heavily.  There was no way she was getting even the smallest kiss out of him today.  He had a bitter wall built up around him.  If she tried to so much as touch him, he’d push her away...and she didn’t want that.  She honestly didn’t want him to feel obligated or lured into returning her feelings.  Maybe, she should just go home...think of something else...some other way...

“Um...I think Lucy and I will just go back to the city,” she began, ashamed of herself to not being able to go through with it.  But she couldn’t.  She knew what it was like to be forced...to feel trapped...and though she was desperately falling in love with Linc, she couldn’t proceed this way.  It wasn’t right to trick a man into loving her.

“So soon?  You just got here.”

“Well, I didn’t know your brother was visiting...and you are obviously busy,” she said, waving at the hay bales in the corner.  “I can come back another day and see Raven Rose.”

He shifted his stance and curled his fingers over his hips.  “Did Wil say something to you?  Is that why you’re leaving?  ‘Cuz, I’ve got no problem kicking his butt.  He’s had it coming for a long time.”

Amber swallowed.  One female had already come between the two brothers.  Amber didn’t want to be a second.  “No...your brother has not said anything,” she lied.  She’d never admit that both Lucy and Wil told her to come in here and seduce him.  Some things are better left silent.

“Then there’s no need to rush off,” he said.

She looked again to the stack of hay.  No need to rush off...and yet, he’d been in here for the last fifteen minutes, avoiding her, Lucy and his brother.  If anything, his lack of manners for his guests gave her twinges of irritation.  Maybe she couldn’t seduce him or entice him into kissing her, but she had absolutely no problem putting him in his place when it came to manners.  Turning those irritated eyes to him, she demanded, “Why are you in here?”

A guilty flush stole up his neck.  “Just moving some things around,” he replied.

“While I am here...and your brother and Lucy?”

“Hell, Amber, I didn’t think you would mind if I got some work done while you were visiting the horses.”

“I mind,” she stated plainly.  “It is not polite.”

For a long time, he stood there, staring down at her, and not moving, not diverting his gaze, barely even breathing.  “Polite,” he repeated.

The push and pull...no more pushing...never again...

“Yes, polite,” Amber said.  “You know...sociable, civil, friendly...nice.”

“Nice,” he said, still a mere statue inside the stable.  His brown eyes shifted at last and glazed over her mouth.  “Nice.”

He’s pulling me in...

Amber wished a breeze would come through the open doorway because the stable all of a sudden got suffocatingly hot.  And the longer he stared at her mouth, the hotter it got.  So hot, her lips were burning...dry...aching.  She licked them automatically, and Linc froze more so with an intensity that was only making the air broil hotter and hotter.

“Maybe it’s best if you do go home, Amber,” he finally said, still locked onto her mouth with his eyes.  And there’s the push...

And Amber was suddenly tired of it.  “No,” she said to him, bravely stepping closer.  He narrowed his gaze.  She took another step...and another until she could lightly run a fingertip up his arm.

“Don’t, Amber.”

But he hadn’t moved.  Not a single muscle, except for the one along his jaw.  Slowly, carefully, her finger traveled up the corded muscles of his forearm, over the folded cuffs of his sleeves, further up his biceps and across his shoulder.  Then she traced a line from his neck, up to his jaw, down to his chin, and back up to his own mouth.

“Please...” he breathed out, warming her fingertip with his breath.  “Don’t...”

“Why?” she wanted to know as she learned the feel of his lips under her finger...like silk...

“You don’t know what you do to me.”

Amber let a small smile slip out.  Ah...so he does fight it...

“You do not know what you do to me,” she repeated, moving her finger back and forth along the seam of his mouth, wishing he would kiss her.

But instead of a kiss, he hand came up and captured her wrist, forcing her touch away from him.  “I talked to your sister this morning,” he said, and Amber stopped thinking about gaining a kiss.

“Chloe?  Why?”

“I wanted to know why you got so mad last night at the game...when I asked you about high school,” he admitted.  Amber blinked stupidly at him...then she twisted out of his grasp and backed away from him.

“You had no right,” she said to him.  “What did she tell you?”

“Everything, Amber,” Linc said, moving closer, and closer as she backed further and further until her legs hit a hay bale and she fell backward over it, landing on her butt and staring straight up at Linc.  “I know about the boys who attacked you, I know that you left school after that, I know that you started taking self-defense classes, I know that you never trusted another man again...and I know that you’ve never...”

“Never what, Linc?” Amber demanded, scrambling to her feet on top of the bale.  She now stood taller than him and she could glare down at him like he always seemed to do with her...only now she had a really, really good reason to be angry.

“Amber..." he stalled.

"No, Linc," she insisted.  "I want to know.  What have I not done?"

"You've never really lived," he answered.  "You came up here, got a job, an apartment, friends, a car...doing everything you've ever wanted...crossing things off your list...and I can't...I can't be another item you will cross off..."

Amber said nothing.  How could she?  He was being ridiculous!  An item on her list...what could he possibly thinking?  Lincoln Martin had never been part of her plans.  He had just happened...she fell in love with him, it wasn’t planned or designed and it surely wasn’t part of any list!

Oh...wait...Fall in Love was on her list.

Linc hadn’t stopped talking - his words becoming faster and tighter -  though Amber was barely listening.  Oh, crap...he knew about her list, he knew most of what was on there, he knew the reasons for her list...he presumed she was making herself fall for him.

"...I already told you there is nothing more I can give you...why didn't you listen to me...why do you have to look at me that way...your beautiful blue eyes holding me, begging for me to kiss you...dammit, Amber!  Just stay the fuck away from me!"

Amber poked him in the chest.  "Now you listen to me, you stubborn, pig-headed man!  You think this is what I set out to do...to move all the way up here and fall in love with the first man I meet?  Come on!  Even you cannot think I want to do that...I want my freedom, Mr. Martin...I want my independence...I want a life that I make on my own!  I never wanted to feel this way...at least not so soon!"

“Then why are you here?!” he demanded angrily.  “If you don’t want this, then why do you keep coming back?”

“Coming back?!  You asked me to come out here...you said, ‘Amber, come see my horse, show her some signs, see what she knows’...I would have been just as happy working all day, getting my job straightened out!  But no!  I had to come out here, as a favor to you, and get my ass chewed!”

“You could have said no!” he returned, his face growing red with his temper.  “Since you think I’m bad for your freedom and life, then you can just say no!”

“Stop yelling at me!” she shouted at him.  “I understand you just fine without the yelling!”

“Stop yelling at you?!” he yelled even louder...not that Amber heard the volume difference, but the facial difference was extreme.  “Maybe if I did yell at you more often, you would hear what I’ve been telling you from the start!”

She stuck her hands on her hips.  “Which is what, Linc?”

“That I love Macie!”

“But you want me!”

“YES!” he shouted...and froze as the word -- and the representation of that word -- echoed off the rafters and Amber smiled at him just before she launched into his arms and kissed him silly.

*****

Outside by the paddock, Lucy shot a worried frown at the stable and the rising voices inside.  Wilson Martin leaned casually against a fence post, trimming his fingernails with a pocket knife.  Wasn’t he concerned about the screaming and shouting at all?

She started forward, but he shot a hand out to her arm.  “Whoa, there.  Linc won’t hurt your friend any.  Under all that anger and scowling, he’s a softie.”

“It’s not Amber I’m worried about,” Lucy said, biting down on her lip.  “Did you know she has a black belt?”

“Really?” he said, raising an eyebrow and chuckling.  “Good...it’s about time a woman came along who could put Linc in his place from time to time.”

Linc’s voice was clearly shouting at Amber from inside the stable.  Lucy tried really hard to not listen to the actual words.  It felt like eavesdropping, although if they couldn’t keep their voices down, then they can’t blame her for knowing what was going on.

Then suddenly the shouting stopped, and Wil grinned.  “There...see?  Either they’ve killed each other or they’ve both finally come to their senses.”

Lucy sighed.  “I suppose you’re right.”  She glanced at her watch.  “How long do you think we should give them?”

“A lifetime,” Wil answered in a tone that suggested he had some experience in this matter.  Lucy figured that since he was newly married, he just might know the issues that came along with new love.  “But if you’re needing to get back home, I can give you a lift.  I wanted to head over and see an old friend of mine...he owns a bar, and my brother seems to have stopped stocking up on his beer lately.”

At first, Lucy was reluctant to abandon Amber with Linc.  What if they started fighting again?  Amber would be very upset if her friend wasn’t here to support her.  Then again...those two had to work out their problems...and only time and privacy would help them.  Seeing Wil typing a text out on his cell phone and informing her, “Just telling Linc I’m taking you home and heading to Willy’s, in case he wonders,” Lucy followed suit and typed out her own message to Amber.