Read My Lips: Restricted Version

RML: Chapter 29 (R)

Chapter 29

During the next several days, Amber and Lucy worked nonstop for the upcoming charity ball.  Amber was so busy, she barely noticed that Linc was giving her exactly what she asked from him -- time and space.  Four days came and went without any communication from him, with the exception of the gifts left on her apartment’s hallway doorstep.  The wildflowers, a basket of fresh strawberries, a copy of Chaucer’s Dream Visions and Other Poems, and her favorite by far...a bottle of maple syrup from the Monadnock Sugarhouse in New Hampshire.   Each morning was almost like waking up on Christmas.  She never knew what to expect and occasionally got five free minutes in her hectic day to wonder how long the gifts would last, how long would Linc continue to leave them for her.  She hoped that Linc was making progress with his personal issues, and not just spending all his time picking flowers, although she wasn't complaining, but in the meantime, she focused on her job...the icon to her independence.

First she and Lucy -- along with a blur of volunteers -- had to lay out a plan for the song lyric exhibits, incorporating and mapping space for the dancing, the buffet, tables and podium.  Then get that plan approved, and finally dig around the storage rooms for the display cases.  Not to mention, cleaning them, setting them up and carefully arranging the sheets of music inside the glass containers.  Then there was a problem with one of the lyric donations, and she had to find a courier who could go to California, pick it up and return to Kansas City by Saturday, since the owner did not want to ship it.  

Then Director Jones hailed her while in the midst of logging in the volunteers’ hours and asked when she could get a copy of her speech to him.

“Speech?  What speech?” she asked, her hands freezing in panic.

“The speech for the unveiling of the exhibits,” he explained, frowning.  “Didn’t you get my memo?”

Amber thought back and vaguely remembered something like that in an email, but she’d been so caught up in her other duties to think much about it.  “I am sorry...I must have forgotten.”

A speech!  Like a public speech?  Her, deaf Amber Hayes, talking to a crowd of strangers, all of them staring at her, whispering behind their hands about how weird she must sound...did the world start spinning a little faster all of a sudden?

“Miss Hayes,” Director Jones asked, coming over to her.  She dropped into a nearby chair.  “Are you okay?”

“I am fine,” she said weakly, brushing hair out of her face.  “Just tired, I guess.”  She wasn’t about to tell him of her deep-down fear that had led her to stop talking for years, only signing.

“Well, I need a copy of your speech so I can give it to the Board.  The event is televised, and they like to know ahead of time what we say about the library.”  He winked at her.  “As though anybody could say anything bad about this place.”

Amber smiled and nodded.  A speech...okay, she could do that.  “I will write something up today and have it on your desk before I leave.”

“Wonderful!  I can’t wait to see it.”  He turned to go, but turned back and put a comforting hand on her shoulder, as though he suspected her anxiety over the assignment.  She looked up at him, trying to hide the dread in her gaze.  “Amber...you’re doing a great job,” he said.  

“Thank you.”

He gave her shoulder a squeeze and left her alone to finish her present task.  Lucy came right over and said, “I’ll finish this...go get some coffee or something.  It’ll be okay.  You can’t do worse than Jimmie did last year during his speech.  He’d been three sheets to the wind and nearly tumbled off the stage.  Director Jones was pissed for a month.”

Amber stood up.  Stopped.  Stared off across Kirk Hall, seeing it as it would look on Saturday night, all those people...and her, talking into a microphone, tv cameras pointed right at her, her words unable to come out...would she start signing in the middle of it?  Or break up her words, like she used to speak, not making much sense, botching the whole thing.  Director Jones would be upset for a year!  

“Hey,” Lucy said, taking Amber’s arms and rubbing them.  “You can do this.”

“I can do this,” Amber repeated.  She’d just have to keep it short.  Stick to words that weren’t difficult to say.  Linc would be with her.  He’d give her support, be proud of her.

Oh, no!  What if she did screw up and he got embarrassed?  How would he ever love her then?

No.  I can do this.  I will make him proud.  I will make myself proud.

Amber straightened her spine and headed down to the basement and her office.  A short speech.  She had most of the week to practice.  And she’d have Linc there...she’d do it for him.

By the time she left work on Thursday, it was nearly seven o'clock, her shortest day of the week so far.  She was exhausted, still stressing over her speech, and seriously thinking about burning the sandals she chose to wear that morning.  A blister formed on her heel and they offered no support so her dogs were growling and barking.

She limped down the street to her building only to find a long-legged cowboy dozing on the sidewalk.  His brown stetson was tipped low across his brow and his legs stretched out before him, blocking half the width of the sidewalk.  Amber nudged the bottom of one boot.

"Linc?  What are you doing?"

He snorted himself out of his stupor, and raised his head.  With a crooked, sleepy grin, he said, "Waiting on you.  I sent you a message."

Amber sighed wearily.  Half the city sent her messages today.  Her phone's battery died an hour ago.  "Sorry.  Dead battery."

"That's okay.  I haven't been here long."  He pushed to his feet.

"Just long enough to fall asleep?"

"It's been a long day," he replied.  Amber noticed the dark circles under his eyes and the grim line bracketing his mouth.  And he looked like he’d been wearing the same clothes for days.

"Is everything alright?"  

"Yes and no...Raven Rose started having some complications Monday night--"

"Oh, no," Amber moaned and laid a hand on his arm.  "Is she okay?"

"She will be," he said, removing his hat to scrape his fingers through his hair.  Amber bit back a grin.  The hat had managed to squash clumps of hair flat against his head, but now they were sticking out at odd angles, giving him a boyish quality.  

"I had to take her into the emergency clinic, and then Doc and I moved her to a facility yesterday morning where she could be monitored 24/7 until she births her babes," he went on.  “I’ve spent the last few days keeping Egeaus calm.  He’s having a hell of a time without his sweetheart.”  Amber thought that the horse and cowboy seemed to have the same separation anxiety from their sweethearts.  That made her smile to herself.  

“I’ve missed you,” he said in the lull of quiet.

Amber’s heart warmed.  “I missed you, too,” she said and realized that they still stood on the sidewalk, and Linc was probably just as tired -- if not more so -- as her.  "Would you like to come up?"

Relief from her confession seemed to relax him, but he still shuffled his stance.  "You don't mind?  I only came by to tell you about Raven Rose."

Amber gave him a small smile, hearing the tiny lie in his words.  "No, I do not mind.  Have you had dinner yet?"

"Ah, hell, Amber...you don't have to make me dinner.  I'll just grab something on the way home."

"Nonsense...and I am not cooking.  I am ordering."  She punched in her door code and held it open for him.  A glint of irritation entered his gaze, seeing her doing what he probably thought was his job, just because he was a man.

His hand propped the door and he waved her ahead of him.  Always gotta take charge...  Amber shrugged away her annoyance and walked toward the elevator.  Inside, he said, "What did you have in mind?  I have a running tab at Mable's.  Great barbecue."

"Chinese," she informed him shortly, "and I am buying."

"That's not necessary-"

"Linc!"

He stopped talking and left his mouth hanging open.  "What?"

"I invited you.  I am paying."

He started to shake his head, but Amber was too tired to argue with him.  Her floor light blinked and the elevator doors slid open.  She stabbed the Close button and then the first floor.  Linc frowned.

"What's wrong?"

"You."  She crossed her arms under her breasts and steadied an unwavering look at him.

"What?  What do you mean?"

"Linc...Thank you for coming over to tell me about Raven Rose.  I appreciate it, I do, but you are starting to annoy me."

"I don't understand...Was it something I said?"

"God love you, Linc," she huffed out.  "And Heaven knows, I love you, too, but I told you on Sunday, I do not want to be taken care of.  I asked you to join me for dinner.  It is only right that I pay, but you are so set on doing everything for me.  It annoys me."

Understanding burst in his eyes like the firework finale on New Years.  "Oh."

"Yes...oh."  The elevator rested on the bottom floor and the doors opened.  They stared at each other for all of three seconds before Linc leaned over and smashed the fourth floor button.

"I'll behave; I promise," he said on their way back up.  "You can order, pay, serve and clean up afterwards and I won't say a thing."

Amber's eyes rolled of their own accord.  "Let us not get ahead of ourselves."

He smiled in return and Amber lost her heart to him all over again.  Heavens, she really missed him...and his charming smile.  "I tell you what," he said, "You get the dinner and I'll do the dishes."

"Okay...I will take that deal," Amber agreed with a smirk.  Two minutes later, she unlocked her door and snickered at Linc's expression when he saw her kitchen.  "I have been very busy this week," she explained.

"That's, uh...that's alright...I can get this cleaned up in no time."

“I was kidding, Linc,” she said, getting out of her shoes.  

“No, no...I want to,” he replied.  He surveyed the scene before him.  An empty pizza box lay on the counter, along with an assortment of coffee cups and the pile of dishes in both halves of the sink.  She’d rushed to the grocery store late last night, and the bags of the non-perishable goods were still sitting on the floor in front of her small pantry.  The trash  needed to be taken out, and in the living room, her mail covered her coffee table, clothes were strewn everywhere -- wherever she happened to lose them as she went from the door to her bed after working hard all week -- and a thin layer of dust coated the surfaces.  In her bedroom, the quilt and sheets on her bed were mussed up in a tangle.  More clothes laid on top of the bed, from when she pulled them out of her closet and didn’t put them back.

Amber felt ashamed of herself for a brief moment, but then she figured she had an excuse for being a slob these past few days.

Linc didn’t say anything else.  He sent his hat sailing across the room to land on the sofa and moved over to her dishwasher to open and empty it.  Without complaint, he began unloading, and Amber shook her head at him.  She let him work on the kitchen as she circled the living room and bedroom, picking up dirty laundry, making up her bed, ordering their dinner over the computer and sorting through her mail.  Suddenly, Linc grabbed her elbow and turned her to face him.  Ribbons of heated desire flamed out from where he touched her, and she had to focus to read his lips.

“Why are you limping?”

“Oh...it is nothing.  A blister from my shoes.”  She moved away from his touch.  It felt too good, and she’d never get her mess cleaned up if he continued to touch her.

“Let me see.”

“I am fine, Linc,” she said, and bent to grab a discarded towel from the floor.  He picked her up and deposited her rump on her bed.  He said nothing as he pulled her feet into his lap and studied the red mark on the back of her heel.  His fingers lightly caressed the bottom of her foot, and Amber jerked.

“That tickles.”

His lips twitched.  “What?  This?”  And he drew a line from her toes to her heel.

“Yes!  Stop it,” she said, smiling and trying to pull away from him.  He let her go, but his eyes looked all around her face, kissing her with his glance.

“I’m sorry,” he said simply.

“That is okay,” she told him, standing up.  “I have always been ticklish.”

He stood in front of her.  “No, Amber...I’m sorry...for everything.”

Amber inhaled deeply.  She knew exactly what he meant.  But that didn’t mean anything more than he was sorry.  Still...she loved him anyway.  “I know...I forgive you,” she said softly.  “I will always forgive you, Linc.”  She circled around him and went into the bathroom to drop her dirty clothes into the hamper...and to remind her heart to be strong here.  She had to stand her ground where Lincoln Martin was concerned.  If she gave into him now, brought him to her bed tonight, she’d never be able to give him -- and herself -- the time and space they both needed.  

When she returned, he was in the kitchen, a hand towel tucked into the waistband of his jeans and rinsing dishes to be put into the dishwasher.  Amber walked over to him and helped.  He smiled at her.  

Who am I kidding?  Just crook your finger, Linc...I’ll come running.

*****

Amber turned away to put some canned foods into her pantry.  Linc ran some water over a plate in her sink as he studied her.  When he saw her outside on the sidewalk, his heart nearly stopped.  She looked so tired, so pale, so disheveled.  Her big, blue eyes were set deep in her wearied face, gazing down at him sitting on the ground, and even her gaze looked tight and exhausted.

First off, he wanted to say something about her working so hard, but he knew that would only send him back to his ranch, and after four days without her, he really needed to spend some time with her.  So he kept his stupid mouth shut...long enough to argue with her over dinner.

Smirking to himself about how she handled the situation in the elevator, he thought that she was one feisty filly he would never tame.  And this time, he didn’t want to try.  His thoughts turned to Macie for an abrupt second, something he’d been trying to avoid since Monday morning.  He tried to subdue Macie’s wild streak -- not with much success -- but with Amber, he decided that he liked her independent spirit, and he no longer desired to squelch that in her.  Still...the small things, like holding the door and paying for the dinner she ordered...those reactions were ingrained in him.  His dad taught him to behave this way.  It was going to be difficult to know when to shut the hell up whenever Amber offered to do those sorts of things for him.

But he was trying.  Hell, for four days and nights, he’d been trying.  I love you.  He’d been practicing those words, saying them aloud to Egaeus, to the coffee pot, to the ceiling of his stable as he camped out with his horse at night, keeping Egaeus company while Raven Rose was away.  

In fact, with her arm stretched to put a box of cereal on the top shelf of her pantry, he stared hard at the back of her head, and said, “Amber, I love you,” but she turned around, and his throat closed up, not able to force the words out.  He knew that he could love her, and he hoped that if he could ever say the words to her, he’d be able to open up and love her fully.  Yet, his vocal functions shut down as soon as her pansy blue eyes focused on him.

“Did you say something?”

Linc shook his head and turned back to the dishes.  Damnit!  Just say it, you jackass!

Amber left the kitchen to straighten up her living area, and Linc pressed his fists to the bottom of the sink and hung his head.  He wanted to love her so much, so badly, so desperately, that he was standing here in her crazy apartment with a pink towel over his belt and doing her dishes.  He kept his trap shut about her time-consuming job.  He was letting her buy him dinner.  He was sleeping with his damn horse every night, instead of her, for crying out loud!

But I can’t tellher.

That small revelation told him he needed some serious help.  He wanted to live again, but he couldn’t let go of the dead.  He had to talk to somebody.  Somebody other than a gravestone.  But Amber wanted to be that person, and could he look into Amber’s eyes and tell her about how much he loved Macie?  Especially, knowing that Amber loved him?  How could she ever think that would be fair to her?