Begin Again

Chapter V. Red Lips & A Leather Jacket

Harry
I hope you're having a good day.

Harry
Goodnight

Harry
It's a bit cloudy today, the park seems nice for a walk

Harry
Let the window open, tonight will be too hot

Harry
Goodmorning

Harry
Goodnight, Taylor

Harry
I have a thing to do today. And I have a thing or two to say, what do you think: we meet today, and leave everything else at bay?

I almost felt sorry for him. My messages were flooding with his texts, and I only ever read them, never daring to even compose a reply.

But this last text, I have been thinking lately of seeing him. And not to forget about everything, but to ask the same questions I asked him that night, two weeks ago. I need to hear his answers after he had hopefully cleared up his mind, no trying to form anymore excuses.

Central Park. Today, 3 pm

I press send. That's after work, which I should be doing by now but I had finished most of it. Now I have to worry about meeting up with Harry and having all this contrasting emotions washing over me, like a never ending pouring rain.

I've stopped crying over it a week ago, kind of feeling like my pain numbed and now I just want an explanation on his actions to stop these haunting thoughts and not daring to self loathe, like I was never good enough or things like that. I didn't want to be insecure about myself, because that's just not who I am.

I'm almost scared to see him; I fear that I might just go running into his arms, and fall back into his web, and accept being the trapped prey and living the same cycle of him doing whatever he wants while I stay at home pretending to be oblivious to his pretentious actions.

I can never forgive him though, a cheater will always be a cheater. And if I do forgive him then he'll think what he did wasn't that big of a deal. He had neglected me, chose more work than spending those little few hours with me. He had completely pushed me out of his mind and heart when he went out seeing other God knows how many girls. He wasn't thinking of me, and there is no excuse for that. If he didn't want me anymore, the least he could have done was break up with me. But he didn't. And proceeded to treat me like a foolish toy.

"Lunch, Swift?"

I look up from my phone, seeing Chris with Laura this time. I glance at the time in the desktop, 2:36 pm.

Shit, I'll be late.

"I can't, I have to meet someone. I'm sorry, I promise next time." I smile softly at them. I can almost feel whatever left inside of me breaking to a hollow void as I do so.

I stand up and take my bag, turning off the computer quickly.

"Alright, take care Taylor."

"You too."

They walk off with a small wave as I gather my things from the table and take my cardigan from the chair. I practice what I want to say in my head as I walk, keeping in mind not to be hostile nor soft on him.

As I stand in the elevator and stare at my reflection, I realise I look like I'm going to a date and sigh. I didn't plan on seeing him, and I wanted to look presentable today as I had looked exhausted the past week and my coworkers started noticing. I shake my head at myself and walk out, it doesn't matter. I'm not his anymore, and he's not mine...he never was I guess.