I'm Yours [h.s]

Chapter 21 ~Behind the bus~

Chapter 21 - Behind the bus

Where’s Louis when I needed him the most? Here I was in the middle of our bus sitting together with the rest of the crew. Our bus was the biggest, and it had a vast living room, so everyone decided to crowd together since we were all awfully jetlagged.

Of course, Molly and Josh sat together and I was sitting on the love seat all by myself, my legs wide open as I listened absentmindedly to what everyone was mindlessly talking about.

Louis has decided to run off to speak to his mother, and here I am being a girl dying for him to come back so I can complain to him about this gut wrenching feeling I wanted to speak to someone about. This feeling that keeps haunting me every time I see Molly, or Molly and Josh together.

I want it to stop.

This wouldn’t have happened if Lora was around me. If she was snuggled close to me, with her head dug in the crook of my neck. If I was playing with her long brown soft locks she hated and wanted to cut into a boy cut, but I never allowed her. If I was running my long fingers against her soft as silk skin of her arm. If I could just hold her one more time, just one more time.

I was taken back to reality when I felt something being thrown at my face.

“What the hell?” I called out at the idiot that threw the object at me – which happened to be a pack of crisps, so it’s of course Niall. “What do you want Niall?” I asked.

“You dozed off. Get in the conversation bro” I noticed now that everyone has been staring at me waiting for me to speak.

“Oh” I shrugged and got up, “I’m going for a walk yeah?”

“Where?” Josh asked.

“I don’t know” I rolled my eyes at him. I really didn’t mean to look or sound so rude, but I couldn’t help it. I needed to get away from this group of happy snuggly people. I needed to be alone.

Shrugging my coat around my body – since it was chilly outside – I took a stroll around the area where our busses have been parked. No one was around; everyone was already snuggled inside the warm busses since it really wasn’t a weather to be walking around.

I leaned against one of the busses out of view of anyone around and slid to the floor crossing my legs together. Snatching a fag from the inside of my pocket and a lighter, I lit it and inhaled the disgusting smoke of nicotine. I have thrown away the bag of weed I paid so much for but somehow ended up buying packs and packs of cigarettes instead.

It’s become a bad habit of mine. Whenever I was feeling down, I would go for a walk and end up smoking a whole pack. It kept my mind off Lora and Molly, and everyone and everything that has been bothering me recently.

Last thing I thought I would ever be doing is smoking. Yet, I sat there smoking my misery away. With every puff of smoke I could see Lora’s posture forming in front of me and the disappointment in her eyes. She told me to let her go and not think about her anymore, this is exactly what I’m doing – not caring about what she thinks.

As I mopped around hoping Louis shows up soon, I heard distant footsteps coming closer and a muffled voice of someone speaking. I remained in my position on the floor as the voice became clearer.

“I think I love him, El” Is all it took for all the strength I had to be taken away from me as I tried to make my weak legs hold my body and I walked away.

Everything was blurry in front of me; the cigarette that resided between my lips a few seconds ago has already fallen on the floor and was long forgotten.

It only needed one sentence for Molly to take my heart out, chew on it, stomp on it and leave it on the floor with me barely being able to pick it up, dust it off and put it back in its place between my ribcage.

Of course she loves him. What did I expect? I was nothing but a complete bastard to her. I avoided her and even screamed at her to leave me alone.

This is what I wanted, wasn’t it? For her to finally leave me alone so I don’t get confused by those stupid and unwanted feelings I keep getting.

Was it lust that drove me so weakly to her? I shouldn’t feel so hurt. Maybe this feeling of a gap in my chest was my bruised ego.

I approached another voice, manly, who was laughing out loudly. I recognized it immediately. For three year I’ve been hearing this rare sound of laughter.

I ignored my aching heart, my bruised ego and my weak feet as I neared Louis, his back facing me. I stood behind him breathing heavily as if there was not enough air left to enter my lungs.

Louis turned immediately with a surprised expression as I stood in front of him defeated.

“M-mum, I’ll call you later yeah? Love you too!” he said into the phone, locked it and secured it in his back pocket before he carefully moved towards me, “You alright, mate?” he asked me concerned.

“She loves him” is all my dry throat was capable of conveying. All energy was drained out of me as I slid down the bus and sat on the floor.

“Who?” Louis asked confused and sat beside me not daring to touch me. I really might break down due to his touch.

“Molly”

Louis remained silent. I could see the engines in his brain working hard enough to make sense of the riddles I caused him.

“Oh” he finally said understanding, “You alright?” I shook my head in response. There was no use of lying to him anymore. I’m vulnerable and oh so tired of blocking my emotions and trying to make sense of my feelings.

“It can’t be possible” is all I said before a tear slopped down my blurry eyes. How can I even think of having feeling for Molly?

a)       She has a boyfriend

b)       Lora has been gone only a year

c)       It’s not fucking possible

“Why not?” Louis hestitantly rubbed my tears away, “Why can’t it be possible?”

“L-“

“No. Don’t say Lora” Louis’s soft voice turned stern, “Look Harry” he said softly after noticing my grimace at his harsh voice, “Lora isn’t here. I know it hurts badly but you need to realize it has been a year already. It’s not a sin for you to love again”

“But no one is like her”

“That’s the point Harry. No one will ever be like her. Lora was her own person. She was simply breath taking and an amazing person” he rubbed his hands together warming them due to the chilly air while I was numb to anything, “Lora won’t have a clone, which makes her special. Loving someone else will not replace her, it’s called moving on” he finally said.

I had nothing to say so I remained silent. Everything Louis just said was wise, true and not a joke. But what hurts the most as I felt my heart sink is,

“It’s too late” 

(Ah, look who finally updated!! I'll be completeing this and working on it more now. Hope you all are enjoying it so far? Please do vote and comment if you are! :) x dedicated to my babe, @famtaq because she's been dying for this! love you babe x) 

H x