I'm Yours [h.s]

Chapter 1 ~Self-pity and first meetings~

~Self-pity and first meetings~

“Come on Harry, let’s go out. You just need some fresh air” Louis pleaded. But I wouldn’t get up. I won’t get up. My head is on the pillow not even bothering looking up at him. He opened the damn curtains, why would he do that? He should give up. Every single day since Lora’s death he’s been begging me to go out, him and the lads. But I will not. All I have to do is work, make music, a few interviews and concerts, but other than that I drown alone in myself pity in my room like a little girl. I don’t deserve to even live, she does.

Louis moved in with me after the funeral. He knew I wouldn’t be able to cope, and he was right. I have cried my eyes out to him, and only him. He wouldn’t leave my side, except when I’m asleep. But even then I would wake up from nightmares crying and he would run to my room and get me a cup of tea. What a great best friend he has been, I need to pay him back some day. Just not today, I’m not going out.

“No Lou, please” I looked up at him and squinted my eyes at the light, “And close the damn curtains!” why in the world would I want to go to a damn party? No! I don’t care if it has been six months already, I don’t want to party, eat, sleep… or live.

“Come on Harry, this is getting out of hand. The fans are even starting to notice how depressed you are” he tried speaking to me. They all did, but I don’t even bother replying to the other lads. I’m angry at myself and instead I take it out on them. Which is wrong of course, but I don’t feel like being nice to anyone anymore. I just need Lora back.

“You don’t understan-“ and just before I even finish he interrupts me with a huge sigh and a stern voice,

“Of course I don’t understand Harry. I know I don’t, but you know you’re not the only one who’s going through pain okay? She was your girlfriend but she was our best friend too. Stop this pity party bullshit; I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to see you like this. She wants you to live mate, now please take a shower and get dressed”

“Get out” I finally said shocked at his words, “Get out” I repeated. Louis looked taken aback by my sudden raise of voice, but he hurt me. I know he didn’t mean to, but he needs to get out and leave me alone.

“Harry, I’m sorry mate” he said slowly reaching out for me but I turned away my back facing him.

“Get out of my room Louis”

Louis finally gave up sighed and left the room closing the door slowly behind him. Tears flew down my face for god knows what time. I lost count after the first week.

Why am I here and she isn't? Why did she have to go and leave me here? After her death I got depressed, I still am depressed to be honest. I don't eat, barely sleep, talk, or do anything other than what my job requires me to do.

"Stupid Louis" I mumbled to myself and went out of my room dressed up in just boxers to the kitchen. I need something to drink. I filled a full cup of cold water and walked back to my room, back to crying myself to sleep.

**

"How you feeling mate?" Zayn asked me looking concerned. I hate it when they do that. Since we found out about Lora's cancer all they did was give me those I'm sorry looks. Don't do that. I hate it. I'm only allowed to feel sorry for myself.

"I'm fine" I lied trying to give him my best smile but I gave up trying a long time ago. They all can see through me, I know it, but they choose to ignore it now. They know I won't change, or talk about it. I'm keeping to myself now, why bother them with my personal problems? Zayn just nodded at me not approving my answer but didn't push the subject any further.