Dear J

Why Don't We Talk About You~

Dear J,

Finally fixed the first part so I need to play catch up. So today's chapter is on the sixth.

Today I want to spend a little time talking about you I guess. Soooooooooo I am shy as fuck, therefore I am going to talk in third person. Cause I'm a nerd. 

So a little over a year ago I met this super beautiful woman at my very first con ever. We had gotten a large group of people together and were just throwing around these plush characters because we were bored. I accidentally let one fly past me and it hit her foot I think and I was up instantly apologizing for it. But she wasn't upset or even peeved by it, she laughed and threw it back.

She spent the whole day with us and it was amazing. Pictures and laughter and so much more. After that, we spent the year talking off and on due to her busy schedule and my crazy life but whenever we did talk my day was so much better. Closer to last year's Nekocon, I was sitting in my living room when my phone went off.

She had sent me a picture of her Levi cosplay; my jaw dropped, my heart skipped two or three beats and my breath hitched in my throat. And she wasn't even in the whole cosplay! She looked absolutely fantastic and I was awe struck. From then til the day of con, I kept thinking to myself 'Is she going to recognize me? Do I look okay? Should I do something about my hair?' and so much more. 

I just kept worrying about what you would think of me even though I was talking with another. Then I saw her and had to resist everything telling me to sweep her off her feet into a bone crushing hug.  I wanted to hug her so fucking tightly. We spent the next two days laughing and taking pictures and just doing just about everything with her and our little family. 

Saying good bye was so hard though...the guy I had been talking to was pushing me away and it hurt so badly. But it didn't hurt nearly as much as hugging her goodbye. I noticed that when she hugged me, she fit perfectly in my arms...it was confusing at first. After we had gotten in the car, that's when I started crying. I texted her every single day after that, whether it was a few messages here and there or nonstop texting all day long, we messaged every day. 

And then something very unexpected happened...I fell in love with her. Head over heels in love with her. It kinda hit me from nowhere and confused the hell out of me; I didn't know how to tell her or what to tell her. We had grown so close in a month and it just felt so right; I had accidentally fallen in love. 

But this was different, colors are brighter and sharper, I saw stars for the very first time, my dark world became bright again, and loads more. I find myself laughing more. Smiling stupidly when all I'm doing is staring at the ceiling in bed. Blushing at memories from the messages we share. But the best feeling of all is feeling like her arms are wrapped around me when she isn't here. 

J you've seriously changed everything. You have become everything to me in these short two months. 

You are the reason I want to get up everyday.

Why I started drawing again after so long.

You've inspired me to write more and keep writing if you're the only person who reads it.

You make me laugh and smile like I"m a kid again.

I have found meaning in life again and you helped me find it.

I have a small family that would be devastated if something happened to me, I have our little con family that I'm looking forward to seeing again, and I have this beautiful amazing woman who takes my breath away every time I see her.

I fell in love with all of you. The way you laugh at silly random things. How your eyes light up when you smile ear to ear. The way your lip curls when you are being seductive. How incredibly beautiful you look every single day. 

How you aren't afraid to tell me what's on your mind whenever you need to. How you open up whenever I get curious even though it can be difficult. How you aren't afraid to tell people how you really feel about a situation. 

How adorable you look when you pout playfully. And cute when you get into cosplay and try to be serious but can't stop laughing. You look absolutely gorgeous everyday no matter what you wear or do. You are lithe and dangerous when you have to be. But you are a precious cinnamon roll that could actually kill someone. 

The list is so very long and it would take forever to list it all but I will save some of that list for the many years we have to come. 

I want to wake up to that smile each morning and smother you in good morning kisses before starting the day. Experience making breakfast only to end up splattering each other with pancake batter while laughing. 

Spend our days off cuddling on the couch watching random movies or going out to dinner just because. Coming home with flowers hidden behind my back only to sweep you off your feet and give them to you while laughing.

Traveling around the world every chance we can, making huge memories together because I want to remember them always. Kissing you under the Eiffel Tower for Christmas. Dancing in front of Notre Dame while it snows. And so much more.

Maybe one day starting a family and having as many puppos and cats we can. Always doing something new and exciting just because. 

Walking on the beach in the moon light. Coming home to find a trail of rose petals leading to our room, a hot bubble bath ready with a bottle of wine and candles everywhere while I try to keep making things perfect not hearing you come in. Laughing loudly as we talk about something at two in the morning as the city never sleeps. 

Dancing in the living room after dinner because I needed you to know how much I had fallen in love with you. Sitting in silence on a rainy day as we both work on different things but looking up at each other randomly through out the day. 

Sitting on the hood of the car with hot drinks as we look at stars and try to name them. Going on road trips, not knowing the end location. Cosplaying every chance we can and going to every con we can. 

Going to the aquarium and getting lost in all the beautiful animals. Going to the beach for the afternoon, building sand castles and drawing in the sand. Going to a carnivals and being lovestruck kids. Going to Disney one day and Universal to visit Hogwarts.   

Wiping tears away, whether they be happy or sad or angry, and kissing your forehead and telling you that I love you and that it'll be okay. Holding you close while you sleep, protecting you from the crazy world. Holding your hand quietly as we sit on the couch. 

Never leaving your side no matter how hard things may get. Pouring my heart out in letters and poems. Giving you flowers every Friday when I come home from work. Building a home with you. A life and family with you. 

That's all I could ever wish for. And I realize that this could be overwhelming but I'm not going to rush anything or do anything unless it's what you want and are comfortable with. We are young and have so much ahead of us but I don't want to do this with anyone but you J.

Your knight in shinning armor,

S.