Alone (unplugged) by Sayk
No one cares about you...
You're wrong! She cares! She isn't them! She won't hurt me! She loves me!
Why do you try so hard to be happy?
Because...I want to be happy...I hate feeling numb and empty on the inside. I need to be happy again because I want to live a happy life with the people I love and care about.
You're sick and you always will be.
I know I am sick...that's why the doctors give me medicine and therapy. I know I have a rare disorder, but it doesn't stop me from trying to get better...
You are a pathetic excuse for a man.
I know I am...but at least I'm a man that she loves.
It'd be better for everyone if you just jumped.
But then I'd be leaving behind the people I care about...I don't want to hurt her or my little family...
Come on! One dead person isn't gonna hurt anyone!
I don't want to hurt anyone...just because I'm hurting doesn't mean I want others to hurt as well.
Stupid, pathetic, worthless, ugly, pitiful excuse for a human being.
I know I am...I tell myself that every day...and you remind me every time I open my eyes or look into a mirror.
Just die already.
I don't want to...
Why do you bother trying?
I try for her...for my family...for the few friends I have...I try because I'm not done living yet even if I feel like I want to die...
She doesn't really love you and we both know that.
She does love me...even if I'm broken...
She is gonna leave you at some point, she'll meet another person and forget you even exist.
No she won't...that's not the person she is...
Like it or not Sebastian, the only people who have ever stuck by you for all these years is us. You are stuck with us for the rest of your life and you will never have the chance to be normal.
I know...but that doesn't mean I should give up on having a future with someone. I shouldn't give up on loving her...being with her...having a life with her one day...I may be stuck with you but you four are stuck with the way I chose to live my life...
I fight with myself every single day...like a cat with a mouse. These thoughts and conversations leave me wanting to scream at the top of my lungs until my throat is raw and tears are streaming down my face. I want to let it all out but I can't seem to find a better way to do so without screaming...
Sebastian
YOU ARE READING
Dear J
FanfictionI needed to write. And you have become the person I write to when I am stressed, angry, happy and so much more. And I think its time you hear the whole story. I am going to write until I run out of stories to tell and by then I hope you understand...
