The Guardian

Chapter 11: Finally Home

You know that feeling you get when you know you have to tell something you don't want to. The deep pit in your stomach that eats away at your internal organs until there's nothing left. That's the feeling I had times 1000 when I had to tell my mom. I felt like I was going to puke up my insides. I was so embarrassed and ashamed I could barely speak. I wanted to run to my room and hide under the covers, but this couldn't be avoided. There's no time like the present they say. I might as well get it out of the way.

I sat on the couch while my mom sat on the chair across. I felt like I was in some messed up therapy session. We sat in silence. I had no intension of breaking it. I kept my knees close to my chest, and stared at her. She ran her fingers through her hair nervously as she thought about what to say. I could tell that it was just as awkward for her as it was for me.

She finally spoke up. "Quinn, baby.. What happened? You were suppose to go to dinner, and stay with him and his parents at his cabin this weekend. You didn't come home, and I was so worried baby. I thought I lost you forever. I tried to call Derek to see what happened, but he never answered. I even went to the police station and filed missing persons. I came home and your message was on the answering machine. I was so worried honey. What happened?"

I looked at my mom for a while. I could see the emotions on her face clearly. She was an open book, and then there was me. I tried to keep everything on the inside. I always tried to not show any signs of weakness. I always tried to keep my plastic smile on, but now I felt broken physically and emotionally. I didn't know if I could tell her the truth just yet. I didn't think I was ready to let out the secret that was tearing me apart. I looked at my mom, "Mom.. I love you, but I can't tell you. You just need to know that I'm fine now, and that I'm home." My voice was strained, and a single tear escaped it's cage and ran down my face to freedom.

My mom got up and sat down beside me. She wrapped her arms around me. I buried my head into her chest and sobbed. She rocked me back and forth in her arms whispering that everything was going to be ok.

After a few minutes of nonstop crying, I looked up at my mom. "Where is Dad?" I asked noticing his absence.

"He got called into work today. Another meeting or something. He said he would be home before dinner, which I need to start on." she said. "Why don't you go get cleaned up, and I'll call you when dinner is ready."

I walked up the stairs to my room. I opened the door, and was relieved not one thing was out of place. It looked empty though like it had not been walked into since I left. On my bed was one of Derek's many sweatshirts. It tore my heart to see it laying there. Just one more reminder I didn't need. I picked it up and threw it into the trashcan, then collapsed onto my bed. Sprawled out on my stomach, I thought about the past events. Cabin, he raped me, dumped on the side of the road in the early morning. Christian found me, put back together my broken body, and brought me home. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. It repeated over and over again in my head, mocking me. Your relationship meant nothing to him. He used you. You were played. You are so naïve. How could you think someone as cool and rich would love you? They wouldn't. My head beat me up. Maybe if I would have let him do stuff.. Would that have been better? No. I would still be in the same position. Broken, hurt, alone.

I let my mind continually harass myself as I laid there. I felt like all the life was slowly being sucked out of me. I started to drift off, but I was stirred by the familiar voice of my best friend. From the dim light in the hallway I could tell she had been crying. She crawled into my bed, and snuggled up next to me. I turned around and she wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into her chest. "I missed you" I whispered.

"I missed you too." she whispered back. I could here the pain her voice. What was she hurt over? I was the one that got raped. She didn't even know what happened and she's the one feeling pain? I felt very confused, but an overwhelming wave a fatigue hit me head on. My thoughts where not with me long as I drifted off to sleep.

I woke up the next morning at such an ungodly hour. My forehead was laced with sweat, and my stomach churned. I had stupidly skipped out on dinner, so when I ran to my bathroom I puked up bile. My throat burned from the acid, and I immediately rinsed my mouth out. I could feel that I wasn't done puking, but with nothing in my stomach I dry heaved.

After I was done, I felt instantly better. I hobbled back to my bed and curled up next to Maccy. "You feeling ok?" She whispered. I was surprised to see that she was awake. I must have made a lot of noise in the bathroom.

"I'm ok, Mace. I think it's a bug or something. I'll probably be fine in the morning."

She nodded her head even though I knew she didn't believe me. She wrapped her arms around me, and we fell back asleep.