The Guardian

Chapter 13: When Everything Goes Wrong...

I paced back and forth in my bathroom. Should I do it or not? What happens if it's positive? What will my mom say? Do I have to tell my mom? I knew all the answers but one. What will happen if it's positive? I will never know if I don't even take the test.

I grabbed the brown bag off the counter. There were some extra wrist braces, some extra strength pain medication, and a note with Christian and Elise's numbers on it. I opened the box, and assumed my position on the toilet. Peeing on the test was harder than it looked. Finally, I finished. I held the test out in front of me and stared at it. I started to chant in my mind. Blue blue blue blue blue.

Mind chants can't change the inevitable. I watched as the pink sign appeared and ruined my life. This wasn't fair! I am 16! I'm a junior in high school! I have my whole life ahead of me. Not anymore. I messed that up real good.

I chucked the test into the trash can, and left the bathroom. I grabbed the house phone and used the card to dial Christian's number. I didn't know anyone else to call. I couldn't tell Maccy... She wouldn't believe me.. He answered my call on the second ring.

"Hello?" he said.

I didn't know what to say. All the words had left me. "Hello?" he said again.

I started to get choked up. "Hellooo?"

I had to say something. "I'm.. I'm... I'm.." that's all I could get out.

"Quinn? Oh. Ok. Everything's going to be alright. Do you want me to come over?"

I made a weird sound in my throat when I tried to say yes. He surprisingly understood me, because he said he would be right over.

I slowly made my way down to the kitchen. I plopped myself on one of the bar counter stools. I rested my head on the cold counter. I felt so overwhelmed. I didn't think it could have gotten any worse for me, but life continued to harass me. It kept throwing punches, and I let it.

There was a quiet knock on the door.

"Come in.." I said as loud as I could manage. I heard the front door open. "I'm in the kitchen."

I could hear him get closer. His shoes squeaked on the linoleum. He placed his hand on my back, and gently rubbed it. I just laid there, unmoving and numb to everything. He pulled out the chair next to me and sat down. "I would ask if you were ok, but I already know your not." He said as he continued to rub my back.

My eyes felt to dry to even water. I just kept my head on the counter. My throat felt as if it had been ripped out. No noise came from me even when I tried. I felt like a statue, forever locked in the moment. No feelings, no pain, no past, no future. That would be nice, wouldn't it. To be able to be a statue. I wouldn't have to deal with Derek, or this thing growing inside of me. The thing growing inside of me. A baby, a human being. Unwanted, unloved, a burden. If it's a burden.. Wouldn't the only logical thing to be to get rid of it. Rid myself of this burden. My mother wouldn't have to know. Elise could help me.

I lifted my head. "I want an abortion." I said. There were no feelings in my words. I had no emotion in my eyes. They were as dead as my happiness.

Christian looked at me for a moment. He didn't say a word or move. He had a shocked look on his face. I watched his mind go over everything in his eyes. I watched his emotions play on his face. Anger. Anger showed the most. I saw it in his eyes. Anger was quickly replaced by sadness, then it shifted into a look of stubbornness.

"No. If you want to do that, I can't help you anymore." and with that he got up and left.

Out of all people I thought he would have helped me. Obviously, I was wrong. Maybe I didn't matter to him. Maybe he was secretly a psycho religious person. Maybe he thought I was dumb and making a horrible decision. No matter what his reasons were, he left, and now I had nobody.

I picked up the house phone sitting on the counter in front of me. I dialed Maccy's number. It was time to tell her.

* * * * * *

After I told her everything, she came right over. She brought with her two tubs of ice cream and a chick flick. I hadn't told her I was pregnant, and I spared her most of the details. It pretty much when like this...

"Maccy, I have to tell you why I was gone."

"Go ahead babe. You know you can tell me anything."

"Well... You know how Derek took me to the cabin, right?"

"Yeah.....?"

"Well... He kinda..."

"He kinda what? Did you guys have sex?!?!? Omg Quinn!! I thought you were waiting for marriage?"

"No!!! Stop.. This is really important Maccy. Quit jumping to conclusions. He raped me!"

"He what!"

"He raped me, Maccy. Then he left me on the side of the road..." I started chocking up.

"Quinn... Don't cry, ok.. I'm sorry. I'll be right over."

"Ok..."

We were sitting on the couch, watching P.S. I Love You. We had our tubs of ice cream in hand. I was guzzling it down, letting myself cry at the movie. Maccy kept on looking at me funny. I tried to pretend I didn't notice, but halfway through the movie she picked up the remote and paused the movie.

"Are you pregnant?" She asked with a bite in her tone.

I looked at her in shock. How could she know? I hadn't told anyone but Christian. "Why would it matter if I was or not. I'll get it dealt with if I am"

I said, not wanting to give away anything.

"Because if you get pregnant, you'll be a slut. I can't have my best friend be a slut. It will ruin my reputation."

"Really Maccy? If I got pregnant, it would ruin your reputation?!?!? What about me!! Wouldn't my reputation go down the toilet? Huh? You are a slut! You are the biggest whore in our school. You've probably banged the majority of the guys. You have no reputation to ruin!! I get raped by my boyfriend, and all you can think about is you! Get out! Get out, Maccy. Don't ever talk to me again!"

She got up off the couch without a word, grabbed her stuff and left. I looked back at the door to make sure she left, and saw my mom standing in the doorway with tears in her eyes.