Silence

Part Five

It used to be slow, now he was wild. He was always angry when he came home from work.

He used to have to chase me like a chicken with it's head cut off but now I don't even move. There was no hope for me, I was going to die here whether I want to or not. Pete wasn't going to accept me now that I was dirty, everyone was at school was going to make fun of me at school because I was raped! I couldn't shank the thought that I was DIRTY!

When he came home today he attempted to feed me. Which was the first, usually he would just leave me food in the basement then he would leave but he started to take notice that I wouldn't eat anything. "Why won't you eat kid?" He asked but I just looked down to my shoes. The man already knew I couldn't speak so he gave me a pencil and paper.

I wrote "I am dirty, I was once a virgin and was going to let the love of my life take it from me but you have stolen the only thing I had left....If I am going to spend the rest of my life with you, might as well look my best." I put in light morbid humor. He read; he was a slow reader, he wasn't as fast as Pete was.

I missed Pete, he was a new source of happiness for me, I will probably never see him again. On the plus side, I'm away from her. She was a terrible person and killed everyone's pride.

Once he looked up again there was a fist heading straight for me. Then I was knocked out....

When I woke again, I had been laying on the cement that I had once been taken from. I was free, I didn't want to but I was. I didn't want to be taken back, I was dirty and Pete will never want me again. He will ignore me for the rest of the time he lives here. He would bully me like the rest do in school, he will glare at me when I walk past him, shaking his head and saying violent thing to me. He probably hates me.

I guess I deserved it though because I took Pete for granted. I began to cry, I couldn't get up. The feeling of defeat ran threw my cold heat, I wanted to beg and plead for Pete's forgiveness. A feeling crept inside my gut that made me feel that Pete didn't care about what I told, that he already hated me. That made not want to home, I knew they knew that I was sick and dirty inside. I new that Pete new there was something wrong with me, that getting kidnapped and rapped was my fault. Tears just kept flowing from my eye and the saltines of them stung my cheeks.

A car pulled up where I was laying "Oh my god, are you okay young man?!" A women who smelled of something sweet said. I passed out, I couldn't take the embarrassment any longer. I felt her and another person lift me up and put me into there car. I was ready for them to rape me like the man did because that's just all I can look forward to.

What they did for me was unexpected, they drove me to the hospital where they showered and feed me, or attempted to. I still refused to eat, I felt fat and I needed to lose weight because Patrick you will never be the right size and shape for Pete, he will never love you, why do you still try, you should try suicide! I'm sure that is the only thing that Pete will love. "What's you're name boy?" One of the nurses asked. I looked to my hands and scratched them, I began to look around for a pen and paper. He grabbed them and handed them to me.

"My name is Patrick, I was abducted by a man....and raped. He knocked me out and left me on the sidewalk were he originally kidnapped me from. I also can't speak." He read the paper, then grabbed a small flash light and a stick to look down my throat. "but there is nothing wrong with your throat." He said. I nodded "I chose not to." I wrote. He nodded, understanding but not fully.

"Why not?" He asked. "Why should I, everyone I have ever know has either hurt or left me. Why would they care if I said anything to them. Nobody in my life loves me or anything about me, so why should I even speak at all." I scribbled down quickly, I handed him the page and he mumbled the words on the note quietly. "Well that's not exactly true someone loves you, they may not exist in your youth yet but they do." When he said that it made me automatically think of Pete.

I let him down, I was dirty. I felt like little specks of dirt sticking to my skin. I began to scratch lightly in hopes the feeling would go away but it never did. In fact it got worse as the nurse spoke. "Well I think it's time that we did tests on you, I know this is embarrassing but we have to check whether you have any infections." I felt the nurse grabbed one of my arms and I slapped it.

He moved his hand away, I don't really know why I slap him but his hands made me feel dirty; disgusting to the touch, to the already nasty feeling that kept up my skin. It really never helped when he did that, they moved me to a room where they took some of my blood for tests of infection.

I knew what they meant my infection, it meant I could have a sexually transmitted disease and it could get worse. I was a FUCKING VERGIN!!! I don't understand why this happened to me, some people say thing happen for a reason some say it was fate and a lot more. I think that it was my fault, I cause this to happen to me and I'm sure that Pete would agree.

They took me to a room where they took my weight and height, they also checked if I had bruises or anything. "Patrick!" I heard, it was a familiar sound of someone I knew but it couldn't have been because she hated me. She popped in threw the door, she looked showered and dressed up like a regular mother.

I looked at her in confusion, she looked at me once and hugged me tight. I wanted my blade, I wanted her to top touching me. I began to push her off, I scratched my arms like a mad man. The dirt feeling was getting worse, I rushed out of the room to find a shower.

Once I did, I hurried to get undressed. The dirt was still traveling up and down my body; as the water travel down my body I felt a little better. I heard the door behind me swing open. "PATRICK!" It was her and the doctor. "Patrick." They said afraid. They watched as I scrubbed my body 'til it was bright red. "Patrick what are you doing, what is wrong with my son?!" She asked panicked shaking the doctors arm.

"I'm not sure ma'am." He said quietly as he watched blankly at my naked body being scrubbed, he looked scared. "Please do something!" She screamed, I scrabbled quickly rubbing the soap all over. They saw the scars that covered my chest and the bones that stuck from my skin. I saw the tears run down her worn down face. "What...have I...done...."