Missing gaps

Okay?

"Hey are you okay? You can tell me if something is wrong."

"Of course I'm okay. I'm just being moody like always. Don't worry.

"Oh okay. So do you wanna...

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Do ever fel like you need to take a break

from everything?

You want to just suddenly shut the world out. But you can't because you don't want to lose your close family, your friends.

You've spent years, months, weeks, days to fight.

Don't you want to stop?

Don't you want to be free?

Free from all responsibility and just to clear your head.

"I have been feeling so out lately i want to be alone.

My parents fight all the time. Whose doesn't?   In the end they make up again but for me? I want them to split up. To get a divorce 'cause they make me sad.

It's normal but. It became a habit. I want to be selfish and make them break so that I can be finally happy.

Yet there'll always be others too.

Like my friends. I love them so much but i sometimes don't get them. It's okay for me though i'd do anything to make them happy. Yet I'm not happy. Why? Is it them or me?
I try to make them notice how depress I've been lately. I told a few of them. Sure they wanted to help me but they get so distracted when I change the topic so that they won't talk about it anymore.

They don't know that, that it actually is  my test for them. If they really care. If they really want to help me. In the end they forget and I don't bother anymore.

I try to show hints sometimes but they always think I'm being a brat again. I get them. Because that's who I was before.

Before I was arrogant selfish and was kind of the leader of them but they still liked me, most of them.

I tried to change myself. I succeed it but it made me someone , my old self wished i'd never become this way.
Weak.

I don't like it. I want to be my old self again but they forgot old me and now want the new me.
I'm scared that if i change to my old self they begin to hate me. I was a monster before.

I'm surprised why they still with me. Why they didn't left me like others have. I'm grateful for that but I want them to leave me.

I don't know why I'm saying this. Maybe because I want them to be free from me?

I rather have them happy than me."

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If you want to mend things out with yourself, do it. No one is stopping you.

Make yourself happy. Be selfish. You deserve it.

Everyone deserves happiness, why can't you.

You can't just make others happy and not be it. That's just wrong. Sometimes you can't always put others first.

You've thought about others first before you even thought about yourself. That's what makes them love you. You should be proud to how much you've been doing to make up for everything.

It's okay if you don't feel like to have your parents together. That's what makes you happy right? But you should never interfere. You should tell them and see what happens. You just need to let everything out. That is what makes you depressed.

I mean let's be real... nothing last forever.

If your friends really are true. They'd understand. If not they aren't the one whose been helping you. Maybe they do but are they willing to return the favor?

Always look positive even though  there might be times where things aren't going their way.

Let everything out. Love yourself

Now make yourself happy.

Maybe. Maybe not.

-noticegurl