Book One: Love Is Legal [CURRENTLY BEING REWRITTEN]

Chapter 9- Mirrors [EDITTED]

Chapter 9

THIS WEEK HAS BEEN ONE OF THE BEST IN MY LIFE. Someone- Jacob- actually has cooperating feelings for me, and everything is better than ever between my friends and I. It is a cool Thursday night, and I sit on my bedroom floor with my head propped up against the window. There is too much to think about- thoughts I've been suppressing for the past few weeks. Then again, there is little to worry about at the moment. It's problematic to think that only three weeks ago, I was still daydreaming about Jacob. Kissing him on Monday night feels like it was a lucid, vivid dream that I did not want to wake up from. Not only that, but this entire month feels like a dream to me. It's all so surreal, I just can't accept it yet- accept the fact that only two months ago I was willing to kill myself just to get my life done and over with. Now, I feel like I have absolutely no reason to do so.

Instead of going to Lily for advice today, I strangely have gone to Adam- the gay guy that spoke to me in the library last week. Of course, I do feel slightly guilty for this, but she'll get over it. I could not overturn all of the anger I felt at her these past few weeks. She was not sanguine at all about my situation. I thought best friends were supposed to be supportive, no matter how impossible the chances were. Then again, I know that she only had my best interest in mind; who would want to see someone so close to them get hurt?

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The sun shines through the computer lab's plain windows earlier today, and I sat down awkwardly next to Adam without announcing my presence beforehand. His eyes shifted to mine, a smile growing wide onto his face. The keystrokes his hands were making did not stop though, and the document he was writing filled up the screen.

"Hey there, Eric. It's nice to see you again." he said as he moved his vision back to his computer. I hesitated a second before responding, thinking of how to word what I was about to say to him. I decided to be blunt and straight-forward, the best way I could possibly ever get my point across to people.

"Jacob kissed me last night." His face jerked back to me, his eyes wide. There was something strange about his expression. It did not look surprised, but incongruously hostile.

"He kissed you?" he said slowly, staring blankly at me. I shift awkwardly in my seat and double-check to assure that we were the only two souls in this room.

I nodded. "Yes, he kissed me. Is that a bad thing?"

"No. . . It's not a bad thing, but. . ." he drifted off, staring at the beige walls. Beige is such an eerily plain colour, more so than white.

"But?" I questioned him, eager for him to finish his sentence. Why was he reacting this way?

"I do not think that this is a good idea." he said quietly, careful not to look me in the eyes.

"This is what I wanted. Why on Earth would you think that it wasn't what was supposed to happen?" I tried to keep my tone leveled; I did not want to become angry at him and scare him away. He is my only good source of advice at the moment.

"You have to be careful with guys like him. Yes, he may have kissed you, but that might be for experimentation. That is what happens when people become bi-curious. They get a guinea pig totest their sexuality on."

"His kiss was a bit more meaningful than that, Adam. I could tell."

"Is that the truth, or is it what you want the truth to be?"

"Everything he explained to me was genuine. I don't think he would of cared to justify himself if he didn't have feelings for me."

He frowned; the corner of his lips drooped down. "You have to be careful."