The End Of You And Me | BOOK 1 (Completed) & 2 (Currently Writing)

TA | 02. Certain Things

There are things we promised ourselves we would never do, but we end up doing them anyway.

I don't really know why we do things that we know are bad for us & will hurt us one way or another. Maybe it's in our nature to make unnecessary mistakes that only leave us miserable. Maybe we have too much hope that though we do the same thing again and again, the outcome will be different this time around.

I remember the first time I ever drank something alcoholic. I was only twelve then and after taking a sip of beer, I knew within me that I will hate alcoholic beverages for the rest of my life. Incidentally, that same day, I got drunk for the very first time in my life.

I also tell myself not to miss him anymore, but did I ever stop? No.

See what I mean?

I'm a walking paradox so I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise that while writing this, I'm actually on a plane heading to New York.

Yeah, you read that right. New York City-- the place I swore to myself I'll never return to ever. Not even if a zombie apocalypse happened and New York was the only zombie free city in the world.

I've gotten many acting and modeling offers the last five years. I've been on Teen Wolf, American Horror Story, NCIS, and Shame-- the US version of Skam. I was even nominated for an Emmy because of Shame. I also became a regular in Paris and London fashion week.

I've turned down numerous offers through the years (including Victoria's Secret) all because I'd have to fly to New York for them. Just the idea of New York makes my throat tighten and I find it hard to breathe. The city I once loved with every fiber in my being became the thing that I dreaded the most, all because every single memory I wish I could forget happened there.

But it didn't matter because my career was doing great without New York. I can live peacefully without going back there.

So why exactly was I on a plane back to New York City on New Year's Eve?

The answer to that is simple.

I got a job offer for a TV show about a group of college students studying in Juilliard and I decided to finally face my demons head on and accept the offer- which surprised a lot of people, including myself. Filming starts on the second week of January and I was supposed to fly to New York two days before filming starts.

After finding out about my new project, however, my mom decided it'd be great to celebrate my comeback at our annual Rockefeller New Year's Eve Charity Dinner. I was against it at first, but then she told me that all proceeds from the charity dinner will be donated to an organization that raises awareness and provides financial assistance to people with mental health. I couldn't say no to that. I figured making an appearance and saying a few words won't hurt, and if it did and I ended up having an episode, well at least the people attending will know that it's not a joking matter and that just because a person appears to be okay, that doesn't always mean they are.

"You okay, Veronica?," Rafael's voice broke me from my trance.

I turned my head to face him, giving him a small smile. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just a little nervous," I admitted.

He chuckled as he reached out his hand to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "We can always ask the pilot to turn back the plane, you know?," he joked.

"That would be unnecessary," I shook my head, "I'm fine. I'm just- thinking."

"About?"

"How long it's been since," I paused when I caught sight of the famous landmark in Staten Island, "the last time I saw the Statue of Liberty. Look!" I pointed at the statue we just flew over. I knew I managed to succeed in distracting Rafael because he just shook his head and chuckled upon seeing my reaction. He didn't ask me about it anymore, which makes me glad.