If Love Really Does Exist

It Tastes so Sweet

Waking up in a familiar pain in an unfamiliar place was not what I expected this tour to be like. I hurt in every form. The cut on my stomach burned with every movement, my ribs ached with every breath, and emotionally I didn't want to wake up. Jaime must hate me now. I'd kept a huge secret from him.

I decided to get out of the bus before anybody else woke up. I didn't bother to change because today was an off day and honestly who did I have to impress? I got half way through the buses and was in an opening when I heard someone yell "Watch out!" and before I could react a skateboard hit my ankle hard. "I'm so sorry!' they said as pain shot up my leg.

"It's fine." The worst the skateboard would have done was bruise my ankle for a week or two. It wasn't like I hadn't dealt with worse, that I wasn't at that moment. I looked up from the skateboard as it was being picked up by none other than Austin Carlile.

"Well what a way to meet. I'm Austin." He said smiling at me.

"Rosa." I told him while taking his hand that he held out for me for shake.

"I don't think I know your band."

"You wouldn't. I'm staying with Pierce the Veil." I told him and he breathed out a laugh.

"That makes sense. Hey, can you tell the guys that there is a party at our RV? I'd really like to see you there too." He added the last part quickly but I didn't take any offense. We've known each other for five minutes.

"Sure, they have been going stir crazy lately. They'll want to show." I told him.

"Awesome. So have you been on your the whole time?" Austin asked me and I nodded. "How do you like it so far?"

"It's really different especially because I'm an only child and now it's suddenly like I have four annoying older brothers." I was getting better at being more open and friendly. This tour was changing me and I was all for it.

"Yeah, the Pierce the Veil boys can be something. When they're drunk they're even worse." Austin laughed and I joined him.

"That's the truth." In the distance, you could hear someone calling Austin over to them.

"That's Alan, he probably needs me to help set up. I'll see you in a couple of hours?" I nodded for an answer and he wrapped his arms around me. It was a friendly hug but my body still tensed. Austin pulled away with curiosity on his face but he didn't press any further than telling me to make sure first thing I do at the party is say hi to him. As he walked away, I turned and made my way back to the RV.

"Hey," Vic said to me as I walked in the door, "how you feeling?" I took a quick glance at the room before I answered. It seemed like Tony was still asleep, Mike had taken my spot on the couch and Jaime at the table. Vic had been pouring coffee.

"I'm sore all over but I can manage. I earned a bruise from Austin Carlile though." I said pulling up my- Jaime's- sweats to show off my red ankle.

"How?" Mike was the one to ask.

"He lost control of his skateboard." I answered. "By the way, he invited all of us to his party tonight." Jaime's eyebrows went up but he didn't say a word.

"I'm game." Mike announced. Of course he was game.

"Sounds great." Vic said. We all turned to Jaime who seemed to be convincing himself of something. "Preciado?" he was quiet for a moment.

"I'll tag along." He said almost defeated. I wished then that I could read his mind. I was so confused about everything. Before he knew Ryan had hurt me, he was there for me and then we kissed and this switch flipped. Now he's not the Jaime I knew. He wasn't outgoing, energetic, always joking, would do anything to get you to laugh Jaime. Now, he was grumpy and distant.

I just wanted to know why he'd kiss me if he was going to turn around and distance himself from me. It hurt and I could feel this ache in my chest why would I be so stupid as to think he'd love me. Why would I expect anyone to love me. I turned away from Jaime and faced Mike. He looked down at his phone nervously and then shot up.

"I'll be right back." He finished typing what I assumed was a number and as he held the phone up to his ear he made his way out the door.

"That was weird." I said with raised eyebrows. Vic nodded in agreement. "Where's Tony?" I asked.

"Asleep, I'm gonna go wake him up." Vic handed a green mug to me. He had made coffee for me. I smiled at him and made my way over to the couch. I looked over to Jaime as Vic disappeared into the bunk area, he looked everywhere but at me. My heart throbbed one beat at a time. It was running so slow it was like time itself had stood still.

"Jaime," I whispered yet he heard me. He finally looked at me. His gorgeous brown eyes meeting my blue ones. "I just need to know." I said it coming out weaker and more pathetic then I expected.

"To know what?" he seemed genuinely curious, as if he didn't know.

"Why did you kiss me?" I rushed the words out, afraid I wouldn't be able to get it out if I thought about it. He stood up and instantly my heart dropped to my stomach while beating so hard it felt like it would explode. He didn't leave like I had guessed he would. He made his way over to me.

"I..." he started but then hesitated. "I can't do this." He threw his hand on his face. Vic and Tony walked out ending our conversation.

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The party was loud. The speakers roared and the bass was so deep it caused my chest to vibrate. To be honest I would have been numb if it weren't for the speakers. The thing about alcohol was that I hadn't gotten much experience. I mostly tried to avoid it. But that night I drank and when everything started to blur together, I drank more. I kept telling myself "maybe if I drink more I won't feel so bad, maybe I'll understand."

I had managed to get to the outskirts of the party. There were a few people around me but who they were wouldn't click in my brain. I had this feeling I needed to keep walking, no matter how hard it was. I knew I wasn't a walking straight but I just felt so suffocated it didn't matter. Next thing I knew I was falling for the ground and I braced myself for impact but it never came. There were strong arms around me, warm arms.

"Watch yourself, you don't want to mess up that pretty face of yours." Their voice was familiar but no name could come to mind. It was a man. He was so strong he felt like an anchor and I really needed one. I didn't have Jaime.

"Thank you." I slurred and before I could think anymore I leaned up and kissed them, hard. At first they didn't kiss back but they were just as desperate as I was. The kiss got more serious fast. Before I could save myself from what I was about to do we made our way to a RV, then to a bedroom , the door clicked telling me it was locked and I was soon pressed between sheets and someone who I couldn't even make out clearly.

Their lips were soft and warm. They were on mine and then they weren't anymore. I could feel kisses trailing down my neck and their hands began crawling up my shirt. I made no protest when my shirt was taken off of me and thrown carelessly to the floor. And then that was it. Everything after that is blank.