one shots | sanvers

little do you know (I need a little more time)

Eleven days.

It's been eleven days since Alex went to the bar. Eleven days since she stupidly kissed Maggie and eleven days since she got rejected.

To be completely fair, Alex knows why Maggie said what she did. She knows why Maggie thinks it's a bad idea to get involved. She knows she's fresh of the boat, and she knows it might make Maggie feel like she only wants to be with her because it's all new and exciting.

But Alex also knows it's not like that at all.

Alex has always felt things deeply, has always been very in touch with her emotions and feelings. She's never doubted anything she felt and always went with it. She knows when her feelings are real and when they are not.

These are so, so real.

She just doesn't know how to let Maggie know or how to prove to her that she wants this—wants her.

But maybe she shouldn't. Because, because of all of this she's forgetting Maggie just got out of a relationship, got called all these awful things, got her heart broken. And maybe Maggie is scared, because maybe she does like Alex and she doesn't want to get hurt again, so she wants Alex to be absolutely sure that this is what she wants.

So, Alex understands.

It doesn't mean it hurts any less, though. It doesn't mean she can stop thinking about Maggie or their kiss or the way she held her elbows and leaned into it and said wow. It doesn't mean she can forget how she called her Alex instead of Danvers, or how she smiled at her and how proud she was of Alex telling Kara.

She can't forget how humiliating it felt to have Maggie turn her down, how heart breaking it was to hear the words as a friend, while all she wants is to kiss Maggie.

She remembers wanting to yell at Maggie that she doesn't want to be her friend, she doesn't want shiny. She wants real and pure and just Maggie. She remembers wanting to argue that she wasn't a teenager anymore, that she knows what love and being in love feels like—until she remembers that she doesn't.

Not really.

She doesn't know what it feels like, because she's never felt it before. She's never felt the butterflies people talk about, or the clammy hands and racing heart. The shaky knees and the lump in her throat. Never once in her life has she felt like she wanted to share everything with someone, wanted to actually be with someone.

Until now.

Until Maggie.

Now she might have an idea about what being in love is like. And the thought of it never going anywhere breaks her heart more than she'd like to admit.

xxx

Nineteen days.

Nineteen days of avoiding Maggie, ignoring her texts and calls and quickly leaving any room Maggie enters. She's getting quite some weird looks at the DEO, because Alex Danvers has never acted this weird before. Only Kara knows why she's acting this way (and maybe J'onn has an idea, too) and Alex would like to keep it this way.

The only time she ever interacts with Maggie is during work and even then it's only strictly about the case and only when it's really necessary.

To be honest, it's getting harder to ignore Maggie's hurt expression on her face whenever Alex shuts her down, or whenever Alex pretends she doesn't see Maggie when they cross paths in the hallway. It's also getting harder ignoring her calls and texts, because she wants to talk to Maggie, but she doesn't know how and she doesn't know what to say.