Boy do I Love Batty

I love my life (no sarcasm its true)

Let's take a moment to slow down. Forget about my friends' shocked faces after I had told them that this was the zombie apocalypse. They'll accept it eventually.  Also forget about how we all have dumb names except for Millie, Red, and I. So that just leaves Elyn and Atham.  Admit it: Elyn and Atham have weird (cool but weird) names. It's okay; we were all thinking it. But I'm sure somewhere along the line we'll meet a girl (or woman. Who knows?) named Herma. Now that is someone with parents who hate them!

What I want to talk about is how totally PSYCHED I was to reveal to everyone (that means you too) that the zombie apocalypse is a thing and that I pretty much knew it all along. I suspected it from the start. And my suspicions were confirmed when I saw Batty eating someone. I think that it's kind of a dead giveaway, don't you? (Get it? Dead giveaway? I crack myself up, I really do!)

I could have told everyone earlier but what's the fun in that? Where's the buildup? The big revelation? Oh BOY  I love my life. I know I've only existed for maybe four days now (get it? Cause I'm not real) but I'm really enjoying my time here, doing actiony things, saying actiony stuff. And unlike other protagonists in other works, I'm capable of being awesome without having dead parents or a crappy boyfriend! I'm not a Phoenix. I've had no ashes to rise from, but that's because my life is pretty damn awesome, and I feel like it might just get a whole lot cooler (or it could get real dark and gloomy but that's out of my hands.)

On that note...

I'm at home, the weather is fine, my friends are gathered round me listening to my tale of woe, and the world hasn't quite turned to utter shit yet. Oops! I said the shit word. Ah, well.  Finally something interesting happens in my life (not me saying the shit word but the other thing--the zombie thing.) This was a much needed event. I'll probably regret saying all of this down the road. Or I won't...I don't know the future. Or DO I?

Nah. The answer is no. I don't know the future. No, this isn't a paranormal story--ZOMBIES ONLY, PEOPLE! ZOMBIES ONLY!

Anyway...I walked into the kitchen (where mom was making dinner) with my hands folded behind my head. "So mom. Tell me. Do you think the world can handle this outbreak like they say they will, or is it going to f up literally everything and kill 99.9 percent of the human race? Because according to every zombie movie ever made, this marks the end of civilization." I personally am excited to see some change. "Do you think we're gonna split first, or will we wait to see what happens?"

Mom looked up from peeling potatoes. "You know, that's a good question. I'll probably wait till your father gets home and we'll discuss this as a family. If we decide to wait and see what happens, we'll definitely prepare ourselves just in case."

"Well yeah, naturally we would prepare ourselves," I returned. "That's a given, mom. Also, if people start to loot stores and such, I may or may not partake in that action.  Don't be surprised if I come home with a bunch of canned food and stuff from the army navy store."

"I would object but I'm curious to see whether or not you have the balls to steal." Ouch, mom.

"Oh yeah? Well--I kicked a zombie in the face!So- so there! In your face, mom!" More like in Batty's face. She and I saw a lot of each other today. She took quite a bit of damage. I probably shattered her nose. I would feel bad but I mean she's a flesh eating monster. Enough said.

I walked over to Red and pinched his cheek. "You're so cute!"I exclaimed. He really is totes adorbs.

"Awww, Sicily," Red returned. "You're so sweet I could just throw up all over you!" He booped my nose. "Boop!"

"Gag me!" Elyn said while Atham made puking noises. None of this has anything to do with the plot, really. But you're reading this anyway because you love it. You know you do.

So yeah...Elyn Atham and Millie all got rides home but Red stayed over. When dad came home, he and mom talked a bit and then called Red and I into the living room to give us the scoop on what's going on as far as what we would do next.

"So here's what we're going to do," dad said. "We're going to wait and see what happens. In the meantime we'll stock up. You're not going back to school, though, and neither are your siblings." Sweet! No school.

"I couldn't agree with you more, dad," I beamed. No school! Who can complain, amirite ladies?

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that I have two siblings: Daphne and Dominick. They're fraternal twins and they're 12 years old. Sometimes they're the worst but I love them so I'll keep them around. Daphne is a girly girl but she's tough. Dominick is more of a sensitive thinking type. He thinks he's tough.

Anyway, they didn't call Daphne and Dom in because they don't want to worry them about potentially packing up and hauling ass. Because as we all know, 12 year olds are drama royalty (get it? Cause queens and kings are royalty? And drama queens? Get it?)

Mom told Red that him and his family were more than welcome to stick with us through this. After that chat, mom and dad left us to talk and watch movies and such.

In my opinion, it wasn't a gosh darn good day. A gosh darn good day indeed.