Heaven Or Hell?

After He Saved My Life.

It's my last day in the hospital until i can head on home. I can't wait. It's weird Kyle Hasnt come to see me since the i first got out of my Coma. As i said this the Doctor comes in and says;

"Your free to go"

"A day early?" 

"Yeah your completly healthy no reason to keep you here"

"Okkay well thanks for everything"

"No problem"

After this conversation with the doctor i got my bags and left. i go to school tomorrow i can't wait to see Kyle and i hope Jake is not in school. but during the whole excitment my mind was wondering what if i did die? Would i see John? Would he be happy to see me?" As i tried to block out these idea's more and more just pop into my head i feel like fainting. But i don't because i will have to go back to the hospital and i had enough of it already. 

The next day i got ready for school and ran out the door. Instead of catching the bus i started walking to school when John died. i was so used to us sitting together and him not keeping his eyes off me the whole time. i can't go on that bus ever again. 

I walked into the school's parking lot i see Kyle holding hands with another girl he didnt look happy about it but..still he didnt come see me now i know why i feeling this burst of engery i just want to scream! Kyle see's me and not knowing that i'm crying i turn around and run. but the energy is over welming i can't take it hearing kyle yell my name. i faint. slightly still awake kyle picks me up and Yells and says;

"Kaci! can you hear me?" 

"No...I" not able to finish my sentence...

"Kaci! stay with me what happend to you?"

"You!" i half screamed half whispered with all the engery i had left. 

"Me? Kaci I dont understand" 

after he said this i picked up my arm as high as i could and pointed to the girl running toward Kyle yelling "An ambulence is comming" Just then and there he knew i saw them earlier. 

"Kaci it's not what you think..were just friends" 

"Friends...then..what are we?" i say having enough energy to sit up.

"Kaci.." he started to say until i stood up

"Then what are we?" i say trying to balance 

"Kaci listen i..."

"Nothing...you didnt come and see me even though i needed you we can't be friends because thats not what friends do and we definatly can't be more then friends.." i cutt my self off by starting to cry. 

Kyle Wipes away my tears with his hand i pulled away. starting to back up slowly. 

"Kaci let me explain"

"Explain what?" 

"Why i didnt come" 

"I have my explaination" i say glancing over at the girl i know as Jesse. 

"Kaci i'm sorry but S.A.T's were this week" Kyle said looking like he was going to cry. 

"and what Jesse is your study partner?"

"Yes in a way but she's the one who likes me" 

"Am i supposed to believe you?" 

"Yes you are because your the one i want to be with"

"I doudt that" i said Doudtfully. 

"I do trust me i think about you every second of every day" he said reassuring himself

"There's no proof to prove that you do so why do i have to believe you?"

Just then Kyle thought for a second and grabed me and kissed me. it lasted for 4 seconds after i just starred at him.

"Believe me now?" Kyle said acting like he just had a cup of water thrown at him.

"I..what was that? i said blanking out

"That was what i feel for you...it's proof"

"I didnt ask for proof i just said there was none" i said playing back the moment

"Now there is" he smiled at me

"Yeah i guess there is..:"

"Can i walk you home?" he said eagarly. 

"Yeah sure..." i said happly confused

He grabbed my hand and locked mine with his. and starred at me the whole time. When we got to my house he kissed me again, this time i was thinking about John. so i pulled away fast and ran up my porch and in the house. i felt like i was cheating on John. Shit. i don't know what to do. i have 2 opions.

1.Hold on to my past and forget about the future.

2. Let go of my past and start a future. 

I have never felt to lost in my whole entire life....