The Thoughts Of The Voices

19: Not So Distant Past

There are times when I remember you and me. Dark eyes that always knew what I was thinking. Soft pale hands that held my hand in my worst moments. A deep smile that brightened my day.

Gone.

Leaving felt as if I ripped another whole chunk of my heart. Tears ran down my face, but I wasn't able to stop any of them. They permanently stayed there and never left. I have to remind myself everyday to breathe when I'm not near you. That's how breathe taking you can be. Has anyone told you that?

I'm sure millions of people tell you that everyday. They'd be blind not to notice your beauty. With one glance you'd make anyone fall in love, sorta like with me. You always made me tongue tied and nervous.

Even the first time we met, I was the nervous shy girl in school while you were the all out going popular girl. We didn't exactly scream ‘perfect’ together but non the less you decided to stay. Big mistake.

Our breakup was one of the worst day of my life. I know exactly what I saw, you sitting on his lap, him kissing you all over. The way you looked into his eyes with love and passion killed me the most. But I've learned a few things seeing you again, and it made me realize two things;

One, you look as good as the day I met you. Two, your the only one who actually understood me the most. No one got me like you do and it's scary to think that. Why? It's because you have no idea how much power you have over me, and it's nice to know I have a someone by my side, even if your not exactly there.

But I can't take any of this anymore. I would be lying to myself if I said that I don't have feelings for you no more. I'm ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight. In time I think I can forget all the pain you've caused me sweetie.

-----

A few years has passed by since I last saw you. Until now, of course. You were wearing a silky red dress, with a opening for those long legs of yours. Bright red lipstick and a touch of eyeliner. Bronze hair pulled up and curled at the end. You looked perfect for this occasion, a high school reunion.

I was wearing a simple black dress and a bit of makeup. You walked over and smiled. It took me a second to remember to breathe. I smiled back, even if it was a forced one, you could never really tell the difference.

“Are you with someone?” You ask just as my date arrives with a glass wine in her hand. “She's with me.” I grinned at my date's husky voice. Your face instantly fell but you forced a smile and continue on.

“It was nice seeing you today.” I said as you nodded. I could tell you wanted to speak to me alone. “I'll get you guys a glass of wine.” I nodded at my date and kissed her cheek before she left. “I missed you, a lot.” You reached over to touch my arm but I jerked away.

“Stop. You don't get to say that.” I shook my head furiously and turned away. “But I mean it Sam. I really do miss you. I miss your smile and laugh, your beautiful face and personality. But most of all, I just miss you.” You pleaded but I shook my head. “I'm sorry but I can't. I have a fiance and I'm going to start a family soon.” You sighed as my date came back with a bright smile to fill me up.

“It was nice seeing you both. But I must go, I have errands to run. I hope to see you guys soon.” You kissed my cheek and left. “What was that about?” My date said as I shrugged my shoulders. “Let's not worry about her, just you and me.” I whispered in her ear as she giggled and nodded.

I looked at the exit and some part of me wished you came back running inside and dragging me away from everything else. I would like to spend my life with you if I could. But you lost your chance a long time ago, now it's time for someone else to have that chance.

“Dance with me sweetie.” My date said as I nodded and complied to her wish. I took her hand and we reached the dance floor with the rest of my old high school friends. As I'm dancing the night away I remember.

I was living in a not so distant past.

The end.