Wild World || Dan Smith (Bastille)

An Act Of Kindness

Kindness, so many people pass me by

Rain mixed with tears. Tears mixed with rain. No one would be able to tell the difference anymore. Around half an hour ago the rain started pouring down soaking my hair and clothes. I was freezing and my whole body was shaking. It was late September after all.

People passed by. They all just wanted to hurry somewhere where they were safe from the rain. No one cared about that sight of misery sitting in front of a house sobbing.

I let out a bitter laugh. A man turned around and when he saw me he walked faster. They were all just like my parents. I was right. Humanity is a bitch. They all just care about themselves. Don't want to get emerged into other people's problems. It could take away something from their precious time. Who was I to blame them though? I deserved all of this. How could I believe something would get better? It just got worse and worse. I have nowhere to go. I didn't have many friends. The one's I have didn't really care about me and I could barely call them friends. But as long I was pretending they were my friends I felt less alone. There was only one close friend I had. Jordan. I met him through my brother but he is currently staying at his family in Ireland because his grandmother who raised him up is very sick. All in all I didn't have any other options than sitting here waiting for something to happen. I'm homeless, alone and an emotional nut job.

An act of kindness is what you show to me; it caught me by surprise in this town of glass and ice.

I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. Crying always had that effect on me. Draining all power from me until all I wanted to do was sleep and pretend everything was fine when I woke up. Most of the time I tried to fight this feeling but here and now wasn't much left to fight for. Maybe everything is just a bad dream and as soon as I open my eyes again everything would be fine. Nothing would look as hopeless as it seemed right now. I'm just so tired...

"Hey are you alright?", a voice said worried really close to me. Scared I tore open my eyes looking at a young man standing in front of me. My heart was racing.

I probably looked as scared as I felt because the man said: "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you." He let out a little laugh but when he looked at me and realized how much I was shaking his expression went back to worry. "Bloody hell. You're completely soaked. Here take this.", he said taking off his jacket and holding it to me. All I could do was to shake my head. He shouldn't bother about me. He should just turn around and live his life. I deserved this.

"Good god. Just take it. I can handle the cold." I still shook my head. It wasn't just the fact that he would freeze, my mind also couldn't let go of the thought that this was the punishment I deserved.

"Alright. If you don't want to I'll have to dress you up." With those words he laid the jacket around my shoulders and gave me a small smile. "See now that's better. And now take a deep breath and tell me what happened."

As soon as the fabric of his jacket touched my shoulder I felt a little warmer. I was still shaking but the warmth it was sending out, it seemed less bad.

I can't believe he was still here trying to keep up with that misery sitting in front of him. That's probably why I didn't say anything and just kept looking at him. It's like I was trying to say something but there were no words to describe it.

"Come on. I won't bite." He gave me a genuine smile and laughed a little about his comment. It was obvious he tried to be nice but there was one question stuck in my head: Why did he bother to care?

The rain was still pouring and a strong wind started catching up. I could barely see anything through the rain. I tried to blink the water which got caught in my eyelashes away making my vison a bit clearer. Finally I got a good look at the stranger. His messy hair couldn't carry the heavy rain anymore and started hanging down. In his blue eyes you could see concern but also kindness. And suddenly it hit me. I saw those blue eyes before. I knew him. It was the man who tried to help me after the funeral.

Oh my back's up against the wall, I feel guilty, I feel guilty.

I flinched and pressed my back as close as possible at the door. It wasn't because I was scared. It was because of the immense guilt that suddenly rushed over me. I felt bad before that he tried to help such a mess like me but it was nothing compared to now. I treated him so bad because I had no one else to let all my frustration out.

The man obviously frowned at my behaviour. I didn't mean to make him feel bad. Not at all. The feeling of guilt grew more and more. "What the hell happened to you.", he whispered more to himself than to me but I heard it and I just wished he would stop. The feeling of guilt was pressing so much on my chest it took away my ability to breathe. It felt like my lungs were crushed.

"Please just go. Stop caring. I don't even get why you bother. I'm not worth your time.", I said looking him straight into those blue eyes. He sighed and I saw him getting up. Quickly I looked down. I didn't want him to watch how he leaves because it hurt. The realization that I'm alone again with no way out of my situation. I pushed him away so I have to bare it. At least I won't drag him down with me now.

But suddenly a hand showed up in front of my face. Slowly I looked up seeing the man standing in front of me with a smile. "I bother because I couldn't live with the thought that I left someone sitting in the rain who cried like you did. Especially because I don't want to leave you sitting here when a huge storm is coming."

I looked at him with huge eyes and couldn't help but smile a little. "Thank you.", I said and grabbed his hand.