POISE//AMBW

1.

I brought my son into the living room and sat him down. There were some things that I wanted to discuss with this young man that I had raised without his mother. "I need to talk to you about what happened. You're of age now and I think you deserve to know." The dark skinned boy readjusted himself, readying his ears for what awful things he was going to hear. I felt pity for the boy, the boy that was motherless who would always search and confide in others so easily to replace that emptiness that could not be filled. And to think that it was partially my fault, made me want to despise myself, but I could do nothing for it was already done. Looking into his dark brown eyes reminded me of her, so I looked away clearing my throat.

"I married your mother with an open mind and loving heart. She was all that I could ask for. When I looked into her eyes, I could see curiosity and happiness within which reflected her soul. Nala was the only one for me, I couldn't possibly have thought about cheating on her or harming her in any way. I loved her personality, her culture, her. I loved her, son. She was so beautiful, that whenever she walked into an area, everyone's faces would light up in awe. They were truly in the presence of a Queen. She was my Queen, the one that I wanted to hold and get to know each day.

At first she was not like this. She was very insecure when I first met her in 2012. How could a woman so lovely as her be so insecure and naïve? As time progressed, we got to know each other more and more. It was such a simple time back then." I stopped to get a drink of water that I had prepared beforehand, offering him to take a bottle as well. Indeed, it was a simple time then. I remember times when we would go walking in the park at the University and the times when we would bake in the kitchen, trying to determine who the best cook was. She was truly different from my peers, helping me extend my knowledge on other cultures and my awareness.

When I look back, this story truly started when I graduated from high school. I was accompanied by my girlfriend at the time. We had both been notified that we had been accepted to attend Dankook University. It was honestly the best thing that could happen to us at the time, but then things changed and we didn't stay together. I was so wrapped around Luna, my current girlfriend during then, that I didn't even notice that she was spending more time with other boys than me. So, I had to break up with her. It hurt, which was expected, but I got over it quickly. "I thought love could never be obtained by anyone---I was so devastated---but then she caught my eye.

Little did I know, she was going to have such an impact in my life as much as she did. Without her, you wouldn't be here, and I wouldn't have you. I don't know what I would do without you. You're the only thing that I have left...left of her. I wanted to tell you this story, so that you never have to go through what I went through---to not make the same mistake as I did, Hanuel. I should've seen the signs earlier, son, but I was oblivious. I was too captivated in my work and studies to realize.

By then, it was already too late.

I proposed to Nala not too long after we had graduated college. I had an internship at the time and she had no job to provide her with anything. She was forced to go back to America, not knowing that I was coming back for her. I believe she feared that I would never think of her. Overall, I'm glad I did so.

I stayed at her parents' house, arriving days before her, accusing my internship and work for my sudden disappearance. That day she came home, I proposed to her. The look on her eyes was everything, Haneul. Everything.

Months later, we actually had a wedding. We scraped up enough money to be able to send her parents over to Korea to attend. Oh, how she looked so pure in her dress. Snow white, made out of fresh silk with diamonds glistening in the light provided by the chandeliers in the facility that we chose. I remember not being able to breathe as I watched her walk down the aisle, captivated by this angel God so gracefully gave to me.

An angel she was.

An angel she will remain...

We didn't have you until two years later, after we settled in and bought a house. Everything was going splendidly well until she changed. Not for the better of this family, but for herself. I don't know what was running through her mind---I never will. I should've done something when I first noticed it happening, but I didn't. I didn't, and now I'm filled with regret.

I can only tell you my side of the story, that of which is filled with loneliness and confusion. I can only speak the truth of what I felt and still may feel. I wish we could hear her side of the story, but we cannot. So, please, don't blame your mother for all that she's done.

I will always love her...

I just need you to understand...

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