POISE//AMBW

5.

Soft, dark rose petals sprinkled on the King sized bed ever so lightly. Dimmed orange lights came about from the many candles perfectly placed around the room, creating small ghosts dancing on the walls and crevices. The sweet smell of flowers lingered in the air. I picked the air freshner bottle up looking at the label. It was the scent of lavender, sending me back to my younger days living in the rural areas of Korea. I played around in the endless fields until the Sun said it's goodbyes to the Earth and distant calls from my mother told me to come inside. I had no worries then, running barefoot in the mud as I made my way to the small river deep in the woods. It was my secret location, my place of solitude where I could escape all of my problems, reading books to help take me away. I do not have that pleasure anymore, wanting to go back to those careless days.

I gradually turned the dial of the stereo up. Soothing songs played about the everlasting wishes of hope and in love. I prepared a robe and bubble bath mix in the bathroom, the sound of water beating the bottom of the tub like a waterfall hitting the surface underneath it. I was fully aware of my cooking disabilities, so I came to a conclusion that I should do something different. My wife was currently working and Hanuel was at the day care center we often send him to. It was a perfect time to show her my love for her.

She entered the house enervatedly and dumped her belongings onto the floor. "Hello? Namjoon? Is anyone here?" Her distant calls echoed throughout the house. I could imagine her putting her things down, hearing jingles of car keys being thrown onto the coffee table. A groan was also heard; I visualized her taking off her shoes, feet being worn out and hurting. I was eager to feel her skin upon my own. I missed the feeling of her fleecy skin rubbing on me, friction creating heat between our compacted areas.

The door slowly opened to reveal a woman. A woman of grace and female empowerment. A woman no longer afraid of what her peers thought about her. A woman of confidence and justice.

A woman that belonged to me.

Her eyes shifted from the petals that were carefully placed on the bed to the candles lit in the room. She stopped in her place looking in awe, mouth agape, until her eyes fell on me. "What's all this for, Namjoon?" She inquired, as stiff as a statue. I took my time making my way towards her, enveloping her in my arms. " I wanted to show you my love for you. Words cannot explain the things that you do to me. Words cannot explain how you are the center of my world, that of which I revolve around. I cannot fully express my feelings the way that I want to, so, instead, I will show you by my actions." A smile played on her lips once she finally caught on to what was happening.

I gestured for her to remove all of her clothing and she obeyed. I walked to the bed and closed my eyes to give her some privacy. "Go inside the bathroom. You need to unwind." Soft pattering was heard skidding across the room and the door closed. I hadn't realized that I was holding in my breath until finally my heart slowed and I was forced to take in air. Nala was truly breathtaking and would soon be the death of me.

I did not plan to have sex with Nala, but to make love to her for say. I did not believe in sex just for the sake of it; there are too many things at risk if uncareful, so I married her and got myself checked out to see if I had any sexually transmitted diseases. It was a necessary, adult-like thing to do. I couldn't think of any reason why a person would want to go around sharing such a thing, if they knew they had something.

I got off the bed and took my shirt off, the cool air blowing soft kisses on my upper body. My ears tuned in to her getting out of the bathtub. A few minutes later, she accompanied me, robe droping around her waist, water droplets rolling down her legs. It wouldn't be the only thing running down her legs today. I smirked at her body, realizing that the only thing in the way now was the white robe that hid her breasts, her stomach, her thighs, her... "Namjoon, are you okay?" My thoughts were ceased by a soft spoken voice that seemed to come from her mouth.

"I'm fine, babe. I'm perfectly fine, but it's not about me today." I unraveled the ties on her robe, gently brushing the sleeves off her shoulder. The snow white robe hit the ground with a muffled thud. I struggled to not let my eyes wander and roam her chocolate skin, boring my eyes into hers. Little bumps raised from her skin. She was cold, so I pulled her to my chest feeling her buds rub against me. Leaning over her ear, I whispered," Lay on the bed." She did as told, waiting for me to join her.

The music blared quite loudly distracting my obvious intentions, so I lowered the sound. Pulses shot through my body as if I had taken a shot of drugs to anesthetize myself. I had to relieve myself from this lust that swelled within me soon before I became a raved animal.

The day was still young, and I had no thoughts about rushing. We took our time making love to one another, our neurochemicals reacting to each other sending us into an ecstatic state of mind.

The opaque air condensed, our breaths slowing down.

"At what time am I supposed to pick up Hanuel?" Her breaths still were somewhat unsteady. I was glad that I had such an effect on her, but it concerned me how she was already beginning to worry. I rolled over to my side to be able to face the female who faced the ceiling, "Don't worry about it. I did this for you to rest, not for you to stress yourself out again."

She continued to face the ceiling, disregarding my intent stare. She signed heavily," I know. I want to do so much, but I can't."

"What do you mean?" Now, I was facing the ceiling. She wouldn't look at me anyways, so I might as well.

"I don't know..." Her conflicting thoughts floated and buzzed around her head like gnats surrounding a person that had just gotten out of a pool.

She cut in again before I could say anything in response to her unassured words. "I want to provide for you and Hanuel. I want to make love to you. I want to have a social life. I want all of these things, Namjoon, but I'm only one person. As of right now, it seems like I'm trying to obtain some false dream. It's honestly too much for me. I don't see how anyone can do this."

She shook her head, creating waves of movement on the bed. Nala closed her eyes, letting her feelings sink into my mind. I was not aware of how she felt all of this time. Guilt spread through me. All this time she had felt this way while I was trying to help. Another failure added on to my list of 'Failures'.

"I had no idea, Nala. I'm sorry." I turned my head, and her eyes met mine.

Cold whisps of air shot through the room like a bullet being shot out of a gun. Stillness was present, nothing dared to move. I found myself being immobile, my heart finally coming at ease. The candles still twinkled about waving at us in unison. Sunlight from the outside realm knocked hardly through the windows, but kept getting declined by our dark black curtains. I dared not blink, wanting to be able to reminiscence this moment in the near future. One minute. Two minutes. Three minutes. Four minutes. Five minutes. Six minutes.

"You should go hang out with some of your girl friends, and loosen up a bit for now on." My voice boomed in the room unintentionally.

"Are you sure?" Nala's eyebrows raised in skepticism. Her hands gripped onto the covers that she hid her body with tightly.

"You don't have to worry about us all the time. I think I can take care of my son. Go out every once and a while. Quit fretting over Hanuel. We'll be okay." I comforted her, eyeing the key of the door that contained an enumerous amount of possibilities.

I opened it, welcoming whatever walked in, into our lives.

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