More Lies, More Cameras and Much More Action

Chapter 12

MADDY POV

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I don't know how long we stayed like that, me holding Joe's hands whilst silent tears fell down his cheeks.

'I wish you'd just tell me how you feel. I know it's not easy.' I said softly. 

I knew Joe and I would just continue this cynical circle until one of us broke it. One of the most important things I've learnt over the last 2 years, from reuniting with my family and being at my internship is that communication is the most important thing between 2 people. Without communication, all that's left is imagination and I can't even begin to imagine how Joe really feels.

'I'm angry Maddy.' He said quietly.

'About what?' I kept up the same soft tone of voice. Being around so many journalists and sitting in on so many interviews to write notes or provide coffee has taught me a lot about how to talk to people, especially how to talk to people when you want them to reveal something.

'You! You're so fucking selfish. You just left me here! You think you had it bad! I didn't know what had gone wrong, what I'd done wrong! I used to, I used to.. You don't get to just come back 2 years later and expect everything to be the same because that's not how things work Maddy!' 

By this point, he was full on sobbing. He got up from the chair and began pacing the room in such an urgent way, it made me anxious. His words hit me like large rocks falling down upon me but it was still everything I wanted to hear. The night before when we'd gone out for dinner, we were both too nervous and shocked to really mention what had happened. I knew he wasn't okay though, well at least he hoped he wasn't. It's so selfish to say but his breakdown made me feel slightly good, at least I wasn't the only one suffering.

'It was a horrible time for both of us Joe!'

'You could have called Maddy! I tried and tried to get through to you but you never picked up!'

'I couldn't find it in me Joe! I was too focused on trying to fix things with my family and then I don't know, I just didn't have the strength!' I didn't know what to say but I knew I was in the wrong. Yes, I should have called him or something before it was too late

'What did you expect? Coming back here after 2 years, honestly Maddy did you expect me to forgive you and you to jump into my arms and tell you I always loved you and I've been waiting for you?' He shouted.

'I don't know! I didn't choose to come here Joe, honestly I didn't. This job would be amazing, I'd be set up for life with an experience like this and coming to see you is how they've told me I need to prove myself, so here I am.'

After saying that to Joe, I couldn't help but wonder if this was deeper than just a job. The fact I have to come back and face Joe to make progress in my life. I couldn't help but wonder if it represented me needing to get closure by seeing him again.

All I knew is that the look in his eyes told me we were over.

JOE POV

It wasn't often I was lost for words but I just didn't know what to say to her. To be honest, I still felt something for her, I just don't think it's love.

'So where do we go from here?' She asked after I ignored her previous comment about her job. 

'Give me your phone.' I told her. She looked confused, but handed it over anyway.

I went onto notes and typed in an address and my phone number underneath.

'Come here tomorrow morning, call when you're on your way. That's my address, Caspar will be there as well. You can write your article. As much as I hate what you did, I'm not going to stand in the way of your future career.'

She nodded slowly.

'Thanks Joe.'

'See you tomorrow then, I guess.' I said sadly as I walked towards the door.

'See you tomorrow.' She replied, the sadness in her voice matching mine.

As I opened the expensive door, I couldn't help but feel the urge to go running back, begging her to stay and us to try again. I somehow fought the urge and closed the door behind me.

I decided to walk back home rather than getting the tube or a taxi like I normally would. I needed the thinking time. 

The pavements were busy, like they always were - this was Central London I was living in after all. I couldn't help but wonder if any of the other people around me felt like this - so empty inside because they couldn't make anything in life actually work. 

About 10 minutes away from the home I shared with Caspar, I turned down a different road and started heading to the place I'd spent a lot of time over the last 2 years. I didn't change direction intentionally, my feet just walked there without my brain's permission. 

I felt lonely, even though there was so many people around me I couldn't barely keep to the pavement. I needed some attention.

'Babeeeee?' She called as soon as I opened the door.

'Hey.' I shouted back.

'I'm up here!' 

I followed her voice up to her bedroom and found her sat on the luxury silver sofa she owned with some make-up items in her hand.

'Hey babe.' She smiled. I didn't reply, I just sat down beside her and snuggled up to her, letting her put her arms around me.

'Awww, what's wrong?' She said in a squeaky voice my ears could barely stand to listen to. It  was almost like I was an animal or a small child - that sort of voice. However, Beth had to go that extra mile to make it that extra bit annoying.

'Nothing babe. Just tired.' I lied.

'Mmm, that's what you get for running out on me this morning.' She laughed and kissed my head before ruffling my hair.

'Mmm.' I replied bluntly.

'Anyway, I've been thinking this morning.' She said excitedly.

'About what?'

'Welllll, the lease is almost up on your flat and I'm sick of living here so what's a better time to get our own place! We can start planning the wedding and-' She squealed.

'Beth, stop.' I interrupted her.

'I'm ready to tell the subscribers we're engaged!' She screamed, her high pitch voice almost leaving me deaf. Although, she was ready from day 1, it was me who wasn't ready.

And now I'm further away from 'ready' than I was ever before.