More Lies, More Cameras and Much More Action

Chapter 13

Maddy POV

I felt lost after Joe left. 

There was something in the way he slammed the door behind him that made my heart shatter all over again. All the progress I'd made in the last two years, putting it back together piece by piece seemed wasted. It was crazy to feel so broken even though I knew I'd be seeing him again just tomorrow morning.

His words played over and over in my head like a broken record, 'You don't get to just come back 2 years later and expect everything to be the same'. The worst bit is, he was right. Staying in America after Vidcon was the right choice, I will always believe that. My sister was the reason I fell apart in the first place yet she was the one who got me back together. She held me at night when I cried over missing Joe and sent me encouraging text messages when I started my new school and my internship. My family deserved the chance to reconnect after the few years we had.

However, I was selfish for the way I abandoned Joe. I stumbled into his life with all my emotional baggage and he slowly began to help me unpack it. He ignored his friends, family and viewers telling him he deserves more and accepted me and all my flaws and slowly but surely, helped make me feel complete once again.

I let myself reminisce over Joe and I's relationship, the good times and the bad. I replayed every word he'd said to me since I flew all this way for the interview, soaking it all in. It still felt surreal that I was here and that I'd seen him again after all this time. It did feel good though to replay actual words he'd said after spending so long imagining his voice in my head, whispering supportive comments and sweet nothings on the hardest days.

Eventually, I pulled myself off the large bed and told myself that I wouldn't waste another second of this trip being sad. It's not every day you get an all expenses paid trip to the other side of the world and I needed to appreciate it.

I pulled on my beige coat that I had 'borrowed' from the magazine HQ. The fashion section of the magazine always has out of season clothes and not much use for them so often, they do offer them out to us office girls, just another perk of the job. I didn't really wear it that often back home, we were blessed with such pleasant weather but unfortunately, England just isn't the same. 

I had a feeling deep inside me when I got into the lift to go down to my hotel's reception, it's plagued with memories of Joe and I. I couldn't help but wonder about how he travelled down this lift after he left my room - was he crying? Angry? Did he care?

I left the hotel lobby and turned right at the exit, walking across the cobbled street with no destination in mind. I decided that was what I was going to do, simply walk until my head feels a bit more clear and then I'll follow my phone maps back to my hotel. I got into the habit of walking after I stayed in America, I figured it was a much healthier way of controlling my anger and clearing my mind than some methods I'd tried previously. I even went for a run a few times but I found walking to be more therapeutic. 

I'd spent so long thinking about how much I miss Joe, I hadn't even realised how much I missed London. The city is always so packed with tourists and people in suits, all rushing around trying to reach their destination. 

The thing with London is, it just gives off a vibe that I haven't found anywhere else. I remembered how strong I felt it the night Joe and I walked back to his flat after meeting our YouTube friends at a bar. We were crossing Millenial Bridge and I'd had one too many Vodka Redbull but even at that late hour, the weather was pleasant. We were laughing over nothing and that was the exact moment I realised I wanted to spend the rest of my life in London with Joe. At least I thought I did then.

Although this London vibe wasn't as strong without many drinks or Joe by my side, I definitely still felt it and strangely, it made me feel more alone than I'd ever felt before. 

Even more strangely, I was totally okay with feeling that way.

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A/N - AHHHHH! Okay, it has been a while... Please don't hate me! I can't even remember when I last updated but for some reason, I've been thinking about this story a lot recently.

I read bits back and cringed more than I thought was humanly possible but at some bits I was actually like wow I wrote this? U go girl x

I am a lot older now - naturally, that's what happens!... And I'm very busy working and doing my thang but I will try to update whenever I get a second because I do still have a rough plan of where I want this story to go and I think it does deserve to be finished after I invested so much time into the first book.

How's everyone doing? You good??!! <3

Love you all <3