The Fault in Our Stars

Visiting

Hazel sat in front of her Christmas tree alone, staring blankly at the needles. She payed no attention to the ornaments her mother had hung on the tree last night, when Hazel declined to help her. The ornaments were simply there to make the tree appear more attractive.

"I think the tree looks beautiful without the ornaments," Hazel could hear Augustus saying if he were still here. A tear trickled down her cheek. She missed Gus, she missed him constantly. Each day, it never gets easier. Always, Hazel would find something that reminded her of Augustus. Whether it would be the soft wind, blowing through in summer, or the healthy green grass that grew back year after year. But Hazel knew, Augustus would not be coming back.

She softly sobbed underneath her tree, thinking of all her memories of him. Not one of them she ever wanted to forget. Hazel vowed to keep his legacy alive, no matter what. She would not allow Augustus Waters to be forgotten.

Returning to her room, Hazel quietly closed the door. She knelt in front of her nightstand, her eyes becoming glassy. Opening her drawer she took out Augustus's final pack of cigarettes. He had left them in his basement, and Hazel decided to keep them, instead of letting his parents throw them out. Memories floated into her mind of the day she found him with an unlit cigarette in his mouth.

"You put the killing thing in your mouth, but you don't give it the power to do the killing."

Then, it seemed like nothing, something no one would remember. But after all this time, Hazel had memorized almost everything Augustus had ever said. She cherished their time together, their little infinity. Tears streamed down her face, and Hazel gently put away the pack back in the drawer. Hazel pulled her knees up to her chest and cried, cried for what felt like an eternity.

She willed herself to stand up. Her knees shook, and she collapsed on her bed. The tears just wouldn't stop coming. Hazel wished Augustus could comfort her, but he was also the reason she felt like this. Struggling to get back on her feet, she stumbled to get her coat on, and walked out of the house. The dark night greeted her with a cool breeze. She shuffled to her mom's car, started the engine, and drove off.

Hazel knew where she was headed before she even realized it. She wasn't going to Mr. and Mrs. Waters' house, Hazel certainly did not want to disturb them at this time. No, Hazel was driving to the cemetery.

-

She arrived at the cemetery fairly quickly. It didn't take her long to find Augustus's grave. It was one of the newest, and someone had just freshly planted some flowers surrounding the headstone. Hazel knelt down and touched the stone. It didn't feel like Augustus was here. How could he be here? He should be at home.

This is because of me, Hazel thought. Tears filled her eyes. She couldn't stand being the reason Augustus was dead. Was loving him so horrible that he had to have been taken away from her? If she could do anything to reverse what had happened, anything at all, she would do it.