The Fault in Our Stars

Reflection

*Written from Hazel's point of view

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I've realized some things. 

Life isn't about dreaming. It's about living. Living your dreams. Turning your dreams into reality. So when I went to Issac's house, I looked at it in a whole new light. Then, I was looking for his weaknessess. Now, I look for his strength. Because in actuality, Issac is stronger than me. Stronger than Gus. Stronger than all of us. He is the only one left.

Everyone goes through tough times in their lives, much like Issac, but they can overcome it, and it makes them a stronger person. It builds character. Becoming blind seems impossible enough, but then having your best friend unfairly ripped away from you, unimaginable. Take me for example, my cancer has always affected me in one way or another. And after Augustus, I finally was pushed off the edge. 

I'm not particularly proud of what I did. I wish I could've been stronger. You see, everyone has regrets in life. But you cannot let them weigh you down. Yes, you could've done something differently, and it could've changed everything, but you can't. You simply can't. 

Now, I know this sounds depressing and all, but its kind of what keeps me going. That was my life, it was a good life, and now it is over. My life could have been better, sure, but the thing is, that was my life. And that life is what made me who I am today. 

Life is hard. It's going to throw curveballs at you, and you're not going to know what to do. I'll tell you what to do:

"If you're going through hell, keep going." -Winston Churchill.

I realize that I'm asking you to do a lot. I'm asking you to be brave and strong. Lets start with brave: You can conquer anything if you set your mind to it. Nobody should ever have the right to make you feel worse about yourself. You. Are. Beautiful. You don't need anyone to tell you that. Don't worry about what people think because after all, they're just a person. Don't let one voice destroy your happiness. Believe in yourself, sweetheart. As for strong: You can do it. You can keep going. This is all you have in this world, so don't just throw it away. I'm not pretending to know what you're going through, because I don't. You must be going through so much right now. But be strong for yourself. Be strong for others. There is always light at the end of a tunnel. Find that light. It may not come easily, and may not be the light you're looking for, but embrace it. It's all you've got. 

Not everything in life will be easy. Maybe you just won't be able to catch a break, or everything seems to be going wrong. But the thing is, it's not the end. There's still time for your happy ending. There is always time. 

As I lay in bed with Augustus, I think about this. Right now, I'm sounding like a hypocrite. I did what I'm telling you all not to do- kill yourself. About regrets- this is my only one. But then again, its not. This is my "happy ending." I don't know what's so happy about it, and it sure isn't the end, but this is it. This is all we get. We all make decisions in life and we have to stand by them. Yes, I should've been stronger, but now I work to redeem myself in Heaven by trying to be strong. 

And it seems that others have noticed my determination and will-power. They believe that I am so dedicated to staying strong, that I would really make an impact on someone's life. To keep them going, through thick and thin. To give them faith, and be that little voice in their head telling them what to do. (But only sometimes doing the little voice thing because that's kind of creepy and I need my Gus time.) I will not be able to protect them, but I can show them how to keep going. Keep dreaming. Keep living. I might even save a life. So something spectactualar happened. 

I am now Issac's guardian angel.