Saudade

Chapter 2:

Dear Jo,

You haven't responded to my last letter yet, so I will continue on with my one-letter-a-week program that I have going mentally. I assume you're doing well and am just giving me the silent treatment via mail because of what I said last. You and I both know very well that I'm not sorry for the words that I put on paper. You've seen me go over my writing millions of times. All of my essays in college that you broke my hand to get away from me because I hadn't looked up from it in two days. You know that I very well meant exactly what I said. I don't want a lecture or the silent treatment. You know you can't stay mad at me for something so idiotic. Another option for your silence as opposed to the silent treatment would be that you've finally found someone else. Most likely a man to replace the void that I gave you. That's just as well. If this is the case, I truly hope that you are happy. Honest and true. However, have him send me a letter so I can verify that he is the real deal and can take care of you. It shan't be too awkward if he doesn't make it. Yet another option for your silence is that you've finally matured enough to cut ties with me completely and have accepted that we will never be what we were before.

Sorry that was just me stopping to laugh out loud. I know that you will never mature to that level so unless my life drastically changes or one of us spontaneously combusts, we will never stop corresponding. It's very well honestly. I believe the best therapy for the two of us is to continue communications and all will work itself out. Of course, after our history, it is quite hard to cut ties in that matter. Even a letter is better than never seeing each other again. I know that makes you sad so I won't mention it that blatantly in this letter again. I apologize ahead of time if that does happen or if I have to erase several times to prevent it from happening.

I was at home on the couch wondering if I should dye my hair blue when the phone rang. Hoping it wasn't a telemarketer or stalker, I answered. "Hey, this is Jasper. Wait, I didn't give you my name at the store. Well, let me start over. I'm the guy who was crying about my wife's birthday present at "Sally's No Non-Scents." Do you remember me? This is the number you wrote on my receipt so..." I let him ramble a bit and paused a moment. "So Jasper's the name. Ah. Well, mine is Samantha. What's your wife's name?" His voice caught on the other end before he responded, "Nancy. If she catches me talking to another woman on the phone she will just...she will be really hurt, so can we make this quick?" I paced around a bit before stating, "You're the one rambling on before I even know why you called in the first place."

He mumbled a bit before coming back and jumping in, "My wife loved her birthday present, but things have gotten worse. She makes sure that she doesn't come home until I have to leave and things are tense anytime we are together alone. I mean, we went to a friend's party the other night and as soon as we walked in, she went to her friends and didn't come back to me until she was hammered and ready to leave. I don't know what to do, Samantha. Things are really bad, but I love her so much. I don't want to lose her." I thought it over a moment and after a few minutes asked, "Have you told her how you feel?" There was silence for the first time on the other end. "No. I haven't. I didn't think...I didn't think it would make things any better. That's what I should do?"

I paced some more and answer, "Ask her out on a date. Make it romantic. A picnic or something. Or even simpler. Sit her down and have her comfortable and cozy and then say you think you two should talk. If she lets you continue, you two should be able to carry on an adult conversation about what the other needs in the relationship. After that, things won't be fixed, but you'll know what she wants and she'll know how you feel. Try that first and then call me back, okay?" I heard him nod and swallow and he replied, "Thanks so much. I'll try that and call you right before and immediately after. All I have to do now is schedule our date. Thanks again. I'm feeling so much better already! Goodbye!" He hung up before I could say another word and I put the phone back.

I don't know why I was giving other people relationship advice. We both know that I was always the abrasive one in the relationship. I never said the right thing and got really angry about everything. You always kept a level head though. Well, I won't say always, but a lot of times. I'll divert from this topic now because it may veer negatively south. Let's talk about Sally. I really think you'd like her. She's really sweet and nice as an overall person. She never minds me hanging around the store and we're supposed to go to the grocery store together at two in the morning in a few days. I'm both anxious and eager. It will be quite fun to do something adventurous like we used to. However, I fear old wounds of our dates will come up. There is also the possibility that I could start falling for Sally and I really don't want that happening. You say it would benefit me to be engaged in a relationship instead of dwelling, but I doubt anyone could put up with me quite as much or in the way that you did. I'm not quite sure anymore. Anyway, please abandon whatever reason you possess and respond to this letter. They are just as important as some of the others.

Your Little Lover,

Sam