Saudade

Chapter 3:

Dear Jo,

It's been too long. I really do wish you'd quite ignoring me. I miss you enough as it is. But you doing this is just tearing me up inside right now. I don't want to talk about that now though. I had my little session with Sally and she is such a joy. I think she could really help me. I told her about you. She said, "Really? You don't look gay." That's a negative I can tell. When we got slammed and I took her to my apartment, she thought the name 'Jo' written on my fridge was my boyfriend so nothing happened between us at all. She's too straight for me. However, we will continue being friends and hopefully close ones at that.

Jasper called back just before going on his date. She had reluctantly agreed to do it and he seemed really excited about what was going on. Then, when they started having the picnic and began talking about all of the good times, everything was fine and dandy. It wasn't until Jasper suggested they talk about the bad things in their relationship that she began clamming up and getting defensive. She explained that she was in love with someone else and was just waiting for him to accept that they were going to get a divorce. She also thought he was gay, but I'm not exactly sure how that fits into place. Nancy claimed that she knew he had been sneaking around on the phone when he was talking to me. He denied it, but she wasn't having it. She then ended the picnic and called a divorce lawyer and Jasper did the same. After their pleasant divorce discussions with lawyers present, he came over and I took care of him with some weed and alcohol. So now I have two friends. Sally and Jasper. Aren't you proud of me?

I miss you a lot. Can you please respond? It's so hard talking to people when I know I have to when I'm hurting this bad. I'm numbing it with substances and not even that is working anymore. I'm so sorry for everything I ever did to you. I'm sorry I can't be with you right now. I'm sorry life sent us on different paths. I'm sorry for what I'm about to do. I really am. I shouldn't do it, but I do it for you. I do it because of how much I love you. I miss you too much now. I thought I was over it, but apparently not. And I'm really sorry, Jo. I love you.

Your Little Lover,

Sam