New Family, New Step-Brother, and Zayn (Zayn Malik Fan Fic)

Chapter 39: What Are You Thinking?

--Ally's POV--

Zayn, I love him so much. I do, I really do. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone else. I just don't love the distance.

All those times that he goes away for long periods of times and I don't get to go see him because I have Ryan. All those times that he leaves on tour and only comes once or twice for a couple days but is right back out to do what he loves.

I don't want to make him stop doing what he loves to do, I don't want to be the reason he stops living the dream, but I'm not living the dream either.

I'm sitting here waiting for my husband to call me, telling me he made it safely to the other side of the world. I'm waiting for him to call and say he made it to a different country safely.

I'm sitting. I'm waiting, alone.

When you are alone you start to think, and that's what I'm doing, thinking.

Thinking about this marriage, thinking about this life.

Do I want this? Do I want to have to sit on the couch, on the edge, waiting. My heart stopping whenever my phone beeps or rings, just to see that it isn't my husband, when the first person it should be is my husband.

My phone began to ring.

I looked down on the floor and got up, leaving the living room, knowing it wasn't going to be him.

I wonder if Perrie ever went through this.

I wonder if she sat down waiting for him to call.

I turned on the shower, steam coming out because of how hot it was, I grabbed a towel and locked the bathroom door, washing away my troubles.

--Zayn's POV--

She didn't answer, she didn't answer my call.

Was she busy? Was she away from her phone? Was she avoiding me on purpose? Was she hurt??

All these thoughts were running through my mind. Why wouldn't she answer?

She seemed so worried a couple minutes ago when she was texted Niall, why was she not answering now?

I started to think about anything I did wrong, but couldn't think of anything.

Other than the fact that I didn't call her as soon as I landed, but that wasn't exactly my fault. I didn't have my phone, it was taken from me.

"Ally, come on love, answer the phone." I muttered, calling again.

I was worried, I was upset... I didn't want to think about anything that could be wrong with her.

Was it my fault? Was she mad at me?

Did she hate me?

These were questions I couldn't ask her because she was thousands of miles away and she wouldn't answer her phone.

--Ally's POV--

I got out of the shower, twenty minutes later, and sat on the bathroom counter, a towel wrapped around my body, water droplets running down my face, thinking.

Showers give you lots of time to think, and unfortunately for me, I didn't have many good thoughts running through my mind.

I heard my phone ringing faintly downstairs, but I didn't move. I felt frozen, thinking about everything that was good about me and Zayn, and all the bad things.

Good? Well that's easy. The love we have, how just the little things he does make me smile, the way I feel around him and how unexplainable it is. The fact that he is such a good husband, and an incredible father, the fact that he gave me Ryan. His smile, his laugh, his eyes, his hair, his hugs, his kisses... all of those things left me speechless. His amazing personality, how he can go from serious to goofy, with the blink of an eye. How he is so persistent and optimistic, about everything. How he doesn't let anyone stop him from living his dream. How much of a good friend he is. How he treats me like his wife, his best friend, and how he respects me. How he is nice to everyone, even if they aren't the same way. How he forgives so easily, and gives you chances. The way he pouts when he is trying to tell you about something serious and things aren't going his way. The way he gets when he talks about our future together, how happy he gets. Those are the things I love about him, that he lets me share with him.

Bad? Well unfortunately, that's easy too. The distance, the time apart. The way he yells when he is really mad about something, and he won't let you talk when he is upset, he won't let you reason with him. The way he pretends like everything is okay, so he doesn't worry you, but worries you more by keeping things from you. The way he lies and doesn't share stuff, but only apologizes about it when you catch him. How I practically have to beg him to give me a call to let me know he is okay. Those are the things I wish I could erase.

But I know that neither one of us are perfect. Us, individually, aren't perfect.

But US together, that's the perfect part. We balance each other out. I know it sounds cliché but it's true. We are perfect together, but we aren't perfect individually.

We are this unrealistic couple, a popstar with this nobody, that's unrealistic.

I was upset when my mom first started dating Liam's father. I was mad. I was even more mad when she made us move in with them, but at the same time... she did me a favor. She led me to meet the man I fell deeply in love with, the man that I married, the man that fathered my first child. I love him more than I would have ever thought possible that day that I moved in.