quelqu'un que je n'ai connu plus

four

As Bambam watched Lisa and the rest of Blackpink walk away at a rather fast pace, his mind couldn't stop replaying what she'd said.
In Thai, no less.

In an instant, it was like he was 14 again, watching Lisa laugh with some other guy. All his memories of their time together and his feelings for her came rushing back; he remembered everything. 

He remembered how they'd met - him embarrassing himself by walking into a tree.

He remembered their friendship - them sharing a school, a dance crew. How their families were just as close as they were.

He remembered the feelings he'd discovered for her when they were 12 - how he'd looked at her one day and thought to himself she's beautiful.

He remembered his jealousy - how watching her and Somsak (one of his closest guy friends) get closer and closer had been torture. How every time he saw her laughing with him it was like his heart was slowly crumbling. To make things worse, there'd been talk of them dating, which had shattered his heart in every way possible, but he'd rather have had her happy with someone else than not happy at all.

He even remembered how he'd left. How he knew that it would break her heart but how his stupid, immature  14-year-old mind had thought that not saying goodbye and severing all ties with her was the best thing he could do for her. He remembered consciously making the decision not to tell her about his JYP audition and how much it's broken his heart - how he'd thought that it was best not to tell her because he knew that if she knew, she'd come with, somehow, and he didn't know how long he could take keeping his feelings for her bottled up inside.

In that instant - everything she'd said made absolute sense. He remembered their promise not to forget each other - how scared she'd looked at the prospect of losing him - and he instantly was riddled with guilt. His eyes filled with tears as he realized just how much he'd hurt her - the only woman he's every truly loved, and he wanted nothing more than to rush after her retreating figure and beg for forgiveness. He would've, had his members not seen the tears in his eyes and thrown question after question at him. He replied with the vaguest answers as his attention was only focused in the direction Lalisa Manoban had ran - on the shrinking figure of four girls walking farther and farther away from him.

//

That night, after some persuasion from his hyungs, he told them everything. Everything about their history, every mistake he'd made, every feeling he'd ever had for her. As he told the story, a few of his hyungs showed more sympathy than others - Mark and Jinyoung in particular. None of them were any stranger to unrequited love, and even while he told his story Bambam did not miss how Mark glanced at Jackson and Jinyoung at Jaebum.

Bambam nor the rest of Got7 saw the Blackpink girls in person for months after that dinner; the seven males merely watched their performances and subtly tried to comfort Bambam - whose face seemed to drop with any mention of Lisa at all.

His guilt did not go away - he was merely distracted from it by devoting all his energy to Got7's comeback - but whenever his mind had time to wander, his thoughts would always end up coming back to Lalisa Manoban, and more often than not he'd stay away into the depths of night, hating himself, unable to stop imagining everything he could've done differently. He'd imagine scenarios in which Lisa did not hate him - and would shed the occasional tear when he woke up and remembered she did.

꙳
a/n
sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes