The Stars, The Moon, And You

Its Cold Out Here pt 1

    It's cold outside.

    I feel like my nose is going to freeze while I walk into my school school. My hate for winter can probably overpower Susan's hate of  squirrels. (I still don't understand why she hates them so much, but she does.) Winter isn't only cold, but everything about it is dead. Every colour in the landscape was washed out with gray and white and nothing else.

    When we walk into the school, it's warm, and the floor is covered in melted snow, making kids trip over each other as they try to maneuver through the hallways like bumper cars, bumping into each other over and over again.

    The music that was blasting in my ear suddenly stops as Susan pauses it. I hand her earbud back, and she wraps the cord around her phone while looking almost lost. She's staring into space at something I can't see. I grab her sleeve and try to pull her back into reality.

    "Sorry." She says, smiling a bit at me. Susan has a mouth that makes the biggest smile look like a small one. Maybe it was that or just that she never really does smile. She worries me sometimes.

    Susan follows me through the hallways. She always does, even though her locker is across the building. She's almost always late to her first period but every morning, she holds my bag as I sort my things out. I ask her to stop at least twice a week, but she doesn't. It's sweet, if not a little annoying.

    We turn the corner to the hallway my locker is on. People are crowding around where my locker is, which is perfectly normal, considering my locker was next to one of the most popular people in my grade. Today they seemed to stop laughing and chatting when we walked by though. It was like someone had pressed pause, but Susan and I were the only ones unaffected. I couldn't help but feel a bit uneasy

The first thing I hear is Susan swear. I'm in the middle of a yawn, so I can't quite see who, or what, she's swearing at. A couple of the kids giggle though, while the others seem to back away, heading to their classes.

Then I saw it.

Across my locker, in wide red, spray painted on letters is the word "DYKE" and then the letters K, Y and S.

"Lee." Susan says, her hand finding my shoulder. Her voice shaking a bit

I rub my eye, looking again.  I notice my cheeks are wet and I the world is blurred. I can't breathe and all I want to do is leave.

"Lee?" Susan repeats, this time it's a question.

The world is a blur. My feet are moving with quick steps across the floor. I trip over a backpack in the middle of the hallway, landing hard on my butt. I stand up and start jogging. Trying to get away, to where; I didn't know until I was standing in the parking lot, with a thick fog surrounding me.

I see the headlights of a beat up minivan. I know it's Ricks. I don't know Rick too well, but I'm standing at his car door, panting.

His eyes are wide, surprised, as I stand there, with a window between us, He nods for me to come inside and I pull open the door, scrambling into the seat next to him.

I hug my knees and start sobbing in his car. He doesn't speak, he doesn't say anything comforting and meaningless like "It's okay." or ask what's wrong.  He just shoves his key back into the ignition and drives the car away.

The world is just a blur of tears reflected against tears. Memories of people calling after me in hallways and dirty words being slung at me from a drunk mouth. Bruises that were my fault on arms that weren't mine. It surrounds me. It confines me. I can't breath.

Maybe this is how I die. My brain shuts down before my body, In a car I don't own, next to a person a barely know.

    Everything is just shattering into pieces and those pieces are breaking into smaller bits and I'm screaming into my hands because I'm not real. Nothing was really here and I'm  just a thought. Barely a  word. A whisper of help into a world full of echoes. My hands are wet with the tears from my face. My face is wet with tears from my eyes and my eyes feel like they just can't take much more of this.

    A hand was on my shoulder and I realized that;

I. Am. Still. Alive.
I. Am. Okay

    Rick looks scared. His van was in a park by the small lake in our town. The sky was still gray and the world was still dead. Nothing was different. But what did I expect? For things to change just because I was breaking? For the world to reflect my mind?

    "Lee?" Rick asked. To be honest I had forgotten he was there, because in that time, i wasn't in his car anymore. I wasn't on this world. His face looked worried, and I wondered what he had seen.

    "I'm~ I'm gonna be okay." My voice is quivery and croaking but the words I say are true. This was one day. Tomorrow would be another one.  I was going to be okay. I was going to be fine. It felt beautiful to say it.

    Rick held out his phone. The screen is bright against the cold everything. "I think this is for you." I grab it and read the text on the screen. My eyes are stale with tears. I'm just able to make it out.

Susan Roe: smth hapend lee left the school if u c her pls call

    I read it over again. A bit confused until my mind pieces it together. Threading the letters into words into sentences. I remember that I had left her alone. Run off to go fight my mind without her. Leaving her to worry. Susan was a generally anxious person. She always fussed over the smallest things and I couldn't imagine her now.

I take a deep breath and press the call button on the screen.

    Susan picks up after the third ring. "Rick. Did you get my text? God I- "
   
    "Susan?" Tears start running down my face again. I think the phone is going to crumble into dust with how tightly I hold it to my ear.

    A pause. "Where are you?"

    "The park." My voice breaks.

    There's some fumbling and murmuring of several voices on the other end. "I'm coming." She finally says and hangs up.

A.N
Ooohhhhh Shiiitttt. This was so fun/hard to write omg I'm so exited to edit and post the next part 💙