hurt // obikin au [on hold]

t w e l v e

"please go," anakin gasps, god, this hurts. it hurts more than he thinks anything should, but obi-wan doesn't deserve this.

"no. no, i'm not leaving you," obi-wan responds in a firm voice. he reaches for his boy, tries to pull him close. anakin hates being touched even more when he's upset, and he jerks away from obi-wan so hard that he bangs his head on the wall.

"don't, don't, don't," anakin whispers, he balls his hands up into fists and pushes them over his eyes.

"sweetheart, please let me help you," obi-wan whispers in the softest voice anakin has ever heard. "please."

anakin balls up tighter, presses his hands harder over his eyes.

"p-please go," he chokes, "i don't -- i -- don't want you to see me like this."

anakin is trying so hard not to cry. for weeks, things had been perfect with his boyfriend. then, out of nowhere, he was an emotional mess. something had to have happened, obi-wan knows that, but he got home this afternoon and the lamp was smashed on the ground, shards of glass everywhere. one of anakin's palms is bleeding pretty badly, but he won't let obi-wan touch him long enough to see if it needed stitches.

obi-wan takes a deep breath, tries to crush the overwhelming panic in his chest. the thought that anakin is definitely heart is terrifying, but he needs to calm his boyfriend down before he can do anything.

"sweetheart," he says slowly. he takes a step towards anakin, who just pushes himself harder against the wall.

"don't!" he yells. "why won't you just fucking listen!" then he starts to tremble. "please...i don't want to hurt you."

this is remarkable for anakin, even obi-wan knows that. when he's really upset, he just lashes out, not caring who's in the way. now, though, he recognizes that someone he values very much would be caught in the crossfire, and he refuses to hurt obi-wan.

"i'm really messed up," anakin tells him, eyes still covered. "i -- stop it!" he screeches when obi-wan takes one more step closer.

"i'm not going to touch you, baby. i'm just getting my phone. i'm going to tell padmé you're upset, okay? i just want to make sure i handle this right."

"o-okay," anakin whispers. he's still shaking. 

obi-wan grabs his phone and steps back, and anakin's shoulders un-tense.

"hello?"

"padmé," obi-wan sighs. "anakin is really upset, and i think he's hurt his hand, but he won't let me touch it. can you come over?"

"i -- i'm heading into an exam right now, obi-wan. i can talk you through it," she suggests. 

that has to be enough, so obi-wan says, "okay. tell me what to do."

"it seems like he's angry, but it's really just how his anxiety presents itself. he just has to calm down...it's honestly best if you leave him be. you don't have to leave or anything, just give him twenty minutes or so to breathe. if he's still antsy, pull 'claire de lune' up on youtube and hold him. he'll fight you to keep from holding him a little, but not as much as he would've before you left him alone."

"why don't i just play the song now?"

padmé sighs. "you asked for my help. do it the way i say, asshole."

obi-wan can't help but laugh. she has a point. "fair enough. thanks, padmé."

it practically kills him, but obi-wan leaves anakin alone for twenty minutes. he sits on his bed with a textbook after grabbing the first aid kit, attempts to take notes. he doesn't get much done, considering his gaze flips over to the poor sniffling boy against the wall every three seconds. when his timer goes off, anakin's head snaps over, and his eyes are wide.

"sorry, sweetheart. are you feeling any better?"

anakin wipes his nose. "you...talked to padmé?"

obi-wan nods. "she said it helps if i play 'claire de lune' and hold you."

anakin hesitates. "it sounds stupid. you probably think i'm stupid."

"i'd never think that," obi-wan responds quickly. he means it, too. he fiddles with his phone for a second, and before long, the song is softly playing from his speakers. obi-wan can literally see tension leak out of anakin, and surprising him, anakin climbs into obi-wan's lap by his own accord.

"i'm really, really sorry," anakin whispers. obi-wan has put the song on a loop, just watching anakin's eyelashes brush his cheeks like butterfly wings. he's never felt this way about anyone, and the urge to tell anakin he loves him is fucking terrifying. 

"oh, baby. don't be sorry. you can't help it, i know you can't. can i see your hands?"

anakin tenses. "no."

"please? i just want to see --"

"no." his voice is angry again.

obi-wan makes a decision, and he takes anakin's hand and unfolds his fingers forcibly. "i'm not going to hurt you," he whispers into anakin's hair. he presses soft kisses there.

"i know you won't," anakin says back. his eyes are tearing up again. "i don't know know why i'm like this."

"i love you regardless," obi-wan says back, so focused on cleaning anakin's hand that he doesn't realize what he's said. "i don't think you need stitches," he says quickly, hoping somehow that anakin hadn't heard him.

"you do?"

"huh? no, why would i need stitches?"

anakin punches him lightly with his good hand. "you love me?"

"i don't know," obi-wan lies.

anakin actually laughs. "you asshole," he whispers, but there are tears in the sound.

obi-wan snaps his head around. "why are you crying?"

"because you love me," anakin whispers. "the only person who's loved me  in the whole world who didn't have to is padmé." his cold fingers on his good hand touch obi-wan's lips, gentle. later on, when he thinks obi-wan is asleep, he whispers it back. "i love you, too, of course. i'd be stupid not to."

wide awake though eyes shut, obi-wan beams.